The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Before you left for Iraq

You asked for my picture

To carry with you.

I wonder if you'll remember

To look at it.

Maybe your mind will

Be to preoccupied with returning.

I'm back, guys.

How has the party gone without me?



I told you I was gone for good, but I lied.



I've been living in the upstairs bedroom,

enjoying another disaster.



I'm back, guys, to please you all again--given the time.



I'm between tragedies for the moment

so come forward now while I sort you out,

forming neat lines of almosts,

could-have beens,

and near misses.

The only way to balance this seesaw

is to let each other be.

We have been striding together

too long to fear falling behind for very long.

Stepping out ahead is never a threat

but an immortal challenge that defines our partnership.



If justice is both a woman and a balance scale,

let us seek to keep it level.

Trading sides will change only position

and I am too exhausted to let us continue this myth.

Take my word for it, and save us a lifetime; my side of the slavery was as costly as yours.

There are people

I'd like to see again.

Not just those I've

shared a fantasy with.

But some who've spent

some love and time on me.

Whose names and addresses

have been thrown in the

bottom of my purse, and

been eaten up by old

gum wrappers.



They're the boys I knew in school,

or maybe

A boy who said yes,

on a night when someone I loved

said no.



Or maybe just some guy

from some town in Pennsylvania

who took me to dinner

in a place he couldn't afford

and talked all night

about how he loved his wife.



It'll probably never happen.

And it really doesn't matter much,

but something in me

responded to something in them,

and there are some people

I'd like to see again.

Many relationships are fine

but I'm tired of trying to

explain myself.



I like saying what I mean

and acting the way I feel

I like the truth.

I go out all the time with so many people

But, when I need someone to understand me

It is not these acquaintances to whom I turn

It is always to you, my true friend.

I haven't seen you in a while, yet I often imagine your expressions.



I haven't spoken to you recently, but many times I hear your thoughts.



Good friends must not always be together.

It is the feeling of oneness when distant

that proves a lasting friendship.

I do remember him....



Every day I remember less

Than I've forgotten.

I've come a long way on paper.

All those days I thought I couldn't live through

Have all been here and gone.



I still remain confused with my own evolution.

I shall always have quiet resurrections

Of where I've been and why.

There is still a slight edge on all my dreams,

But I am not led anymore by restlessness or ultimatum.

I have unlearned my fantasies

So that I may fill myself with something real.



I have loved and I have been loved,

Not always simultaneously.

I have given and I have taken,

Not always without motive.

My life has been a curious design of contradiction

But I think I chose my own sorrow.

I had to experience it and discover it

In order to create my own particular peace.

Maybe fate meant it this way

But I didn't plan it like this

I wished it would last forever,

We both would have liked it, too.



It was not my fault

Though I take the blame

I have no reason to be upset

Because it's all over.



I was embarrassed and still am

I thought he was true

But it only showed me that

I was made a fool.



How could he do something like that?

I do not know.

Why did he do that?

What did he expect to gain?



Well, whatever he wanted

He has now

Along with losing me

Maybe fate meant it this way

I can be

alone by myself

I was

lonely alone

Now I'm lonely

with you

Something is wrong

I sit here

bored

I don't feel like talking

to the people here

I don't feel like looking

at this place anymore



I sit here

lonely

realizing that it's not

people or places that

make me happy

It's you.

The new woman arises

full of confidence

full of strength



She speaks her mind

full of confidence

full of strength



She is now capable

of changing the course

of her life

Razors bring me pain.

Needles bring me pain.

Life brings me pain.

And, You bring me pain.



But,



Razors bring me pleasure.

Needles bring me pleasure.

Life brings me pleasure.

And, You bring me pleasure.

Chance

and the terrible risk

of losing you

can no longer silence me.

No matter what the price.

However it ends.

I love them both, can't have them both.

It's tearing me apart!

My former joy and present boy;

Both have got my heart.

I have to choose, so I must lose

Someone I really love.

It feels like dirt that I must hurt

A guy that I dream of.

Why this must be I cannot see;

I only know I must.

Each might endure, for I am sure

That this is love, not lust.

I weep and wail to no avail;

I can't say no to either.

But if I can't tell what I want,

Could that mean I want neither?

There's no hurricane

As vicious as my love.

Watch out!

I'll rip off your roof

And scatter your undies all over town.

You'll pay for it

For years.

But you know what?

It'll be worth it!

I am afraid to love, and yet I love you.

My fear is like a wall I walk right through.

The wall is there, and yet it doesn't stop me.

I need it still, and yet I still need you.

I know someday we will be in a field

Surrounded by the blessing of the sky.

I'll dance with all the freedom of pure joy,

Needing you without a reason why.



But now I'm still afraid that I might lose you,

That you might not accept my desperate need.

You make me laugh and cry and be completely.

You are the flower, I the slender reed