The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Chapter 3 - The Bears



Melvin opened his eyes to find himself flat on his back staring at the ceiling. Next to him was some pretty flowers in some soil. On the other side of him he noticed there was people dressed in white. He started to panic thinking he had died and gone to heaven. He got up straight away like someone has stuck 10,000 volts up his bum. He walked over to his mirror to smarten himself up. He had a major bed hair thing going on, his tie was stuck to his head, his hat was on the big green plant and his brief case was on the floor with all his paper work in a messy heap. He tidied it all up, put his tie straight and his hat on his head, picked up his brief case, notepad and pen, and his shiny new sparkly camera which had bananas printed on the strap to make it extra funky. He walked out the office and shut his door behind him.



"I'm off out Miss Tan, please mind the phone when I am gone, if you do need me just use the secret call that I showed you". Melvin was about to go out of the cage when Miss Tan said something after she nodded to him.



"Detective Monkay, what secret call are you on about?" She said looking puzzled, this impressed Melvin because she acually put his nail file down on the table.



"The one Miss Tan that goes Ooooo Ooooo Ooooo Aaaaah Aaaaah Aaaaaah, but you have to beat your chest when you do it because it makes it louder". He demonstrated the secret call to Miss Tan and yes before you ask it is a typical monkey noise!



"Very well, Detective Monkay, I will mind the phones when you are gone". She nodded again and continued to file her nails, Melvin wondered why he hired her when she does absolutely nothing except sit on her fat bum and try to scheme evil and wicked plans to make Melvin fall in love with her.



He planned his journey to the Bears' house by nicking a person's map from their back pocket when they weren't looking. He planned his route away from the Elephant's paddock because he would of spent all day staring at Ellie rather than getting some important detective work done. In his journey would make him past some of the most scariest animals that he would ever encounter in his life, he made sure that he would stay away from the animals that found Mr Bear to be a wet blanket, the hyenas, the meerkats and the crocodiles because if they had saw him, firstly he would be lunch for them and secondly they may know who he is and hide the secret stash of polo mints so Melvin can't solve the mystery and return them safe to Mr Bear. He placed the map in his pocket and started his journey, he walked past the penguins enclosure where he had a friendly chat with the leader and one of his best friends Phil "The Power" Penguin. He continued his journey past the big cats zone which includes the Lions, Tigers, Lynxes, Panthers, and the Cheetahs, quickly passing them because it was feeding time and they looked extremely hungry today especially when they were licking their lips when Melvin walked past.



He was walking for some time until he reached the children's petting zoo, this was a new edition to the zoo so being a private detective Melvin had to check it out plus he was being nosey too, which didn't help at all. There in the corner was a set of kittens, Melvin bent over and had a look.



"Back away from us, or put 'em up" Melvin froze when the animal said that, he thought the dad of the kittens came up to attack or tell him off being too nosey but it weren't the dad instead it was a tiny little ginger kitten who looked so adorable. Melvin bent down to stroke the kitten.



"I said, back away from us or I'll beat your sorry backside and make Monkey pie outta ya".



A little ginger kitty with attitude, Melvin thought he had to be stopped. He was about to open his mouth and give him a good telling off when another voice started talking in the background.



"I'm sorry for my little brother's foul mouth, I promise you it will not happen again" A shadow emerged from the corner and a cat came out from the shadow. He was black, with a silver studded collar on, lots of piercings in his ears and nose. He was a scary looking kitty cat.



"Please to meet you, my name is Ralph Voodoo, this is my baby brother Killmouski". He pointed to the little ginger kitten with the attitude problem who had his arms folded and poked his tongue out at Melvin which Melvin thought was very rude. The cat placed a paw and offered it to Melvin to shake. Melvin shook the paw and askes him how far has he got to walk until he gets to the Polar Bears house. The cat told him to keep going left and past the Potamus' mud bath and the house next door is the house that Melvin needs. Melvin thanked Ralph, and gave Killmouski evils before he set off again.



It felt like he had been walking for ages before he reached the Potamus' mud bath, after about walking for 15 minutes, he had finally reached the mud bath. There were 5 hippopotamuses in the enclosure, the two biggest were obviously the parents and the other three were the children. It amazed Melvin how different each of the animals were in the zoo and how they lived their daily lives differently. Mummy Potamus noticed the monkey looking in the enclosure and waded up to the fence, wanting to know why he was there and not in his cage where he was supposed to be.



"What can I do for you Monkey?" She said rudely whilst looking Melvin up and down, she spoke like she was the Queen of England, with her brown eyes twinkling in the sun which reminded Melvin of Ellie's big beautiful eyes.



"I do apologize madam, I'm looking for the polar bears". He was trying not to swear and say rude things back to Mrs Potamus but it was too risky especially on her being ten times the size of poor little Melvin.



"Next enclosure and please call me Hippa" She smiled, turned around and waded back into the mud bath and continued to play about in the mud with her children.



Melvin carried on walking and saw the enclosure, he noticed there was a house in the corner of the enclosure. It was decorated with fish and igloos, so he knew this must of been the right house. There was a hole in the fence that the suspects must of used to get into the enclosure. Melvin threw his stuff through the hole trying to figure out which animal was small enough to fit through the hole. He inspected the hole and popped his head through which fit through finely. His shoulders fit through finely and to his surpise his big fat hairy tummy got stuck going through the fence.



"Monkey Stuck! Private Detective Melvin D Monkay is stuck in the hole in the fence due to a little weight problem. Assistant required immediately!" He squeezed his tummy in and tried to make himself fit through the hole again, but nothing worked. He laid there with his arms folded, in a right old foul mood and waited until someone came and got him out of the hole.

Chapter 2 - The Search Starts



"One more thing Detective Monkay" Mr Bear turned around to address the monkey as he was walking out the door.



"Yes?" Melvin stood up and answered the bear, not realising he had the bin still attached to his head, he wondered why it went so dark. He pulled the bin off with all four of his feet and it eventually came off, followed by his soggy banana sandwich and fruit juice carton. After putting the bin down he went over to the mirror to sort himself out, he had cucumber stuck to his nose, and a yucky rotten banana peel on his head that would of suited him as a hat. He turned around waiting for a response from the polar bear.



"Please do not mention this to any other animal, they already think I'm a wet blanket anyway. If the hyenas got hold of this information, I wouldn't hear the last of it". He opened the door, went out and shut the door behind him.



"I wonder why the other animals think he is a wet blanket for?" Melvin said raising one eyebrow, he placed the missing polo mints case on top of the pile.



He opened the case file to have his first look of what type of animal would do such a horrible crime to such a nice polar bear. He made some notes to help him solve the case at a later date, he also wrote a list containing names that he could interview and intergate too. That was his favourite part of being a detective was the intergation, the most memorable event he could recall was the time he made the cheese stealing monster who is notoriously known as Crusher M Ousey cry like a big baby. That poor little field mouse didn't stand a chance!



He wanted to know how the suspects got into the house considering there is only one point of entry and that is severly guarded with ice so if someone was to climb over the gate, the person or animal would have got an icicle up their bottom which is not very nice to think about. He also thought about how the animal would survive in the icy condition so the animals who were raised in the desert were elimated from the suspect list. He also elimated all the ones who could just live under the water like the fish and the sharks. Also he elimated all the animals who were incredibly tiny and could not have carried out the theft because of the their size just in case they got squished by the polar bears or anyone else for that matter, Melvin thought about it long and hard to who was tiny and not able to lift a lot of weight from the polo mints, so he elimated the spider, cockroach, mice and rats from the suspect list. The other animals that were elimated were the nocturnal animals because they only came out at night and the crime was committed in the morning, the animals like the anteaters were elimated from the list.



He continued with animals who had a grudge against the Bears, which were the hyenas, meerkats and the crocodiles. Melvin was puzzled to why the crocodiles had a grudge against the polar bears. Melvin thought that the crocodiles were jealous of the polar bears because of the bears being all cute, white and fuzzy whereas the crocodiles were green, scaly and just plain butt ugly. Looking around the place he made sure that there were no crocodiles about because they would of eaten Melvin up for their dinner if they had heard him say the sentences he said. Luckily there weren't any about.



"Thank bananas for that", he carried on looking in the case file for some more ideas. For the ideas to come into his head, he needed some food with him thinking this his tummy grumbled and churned, this meant Melvin's tummy was telling him "FEED ME YOU BIG BABOON!" Melvin was very offended by what his tummy was trying to tell him because he was a gorgeous, handsome, beautiful monkey and not a red bummed, ugly looking baboon. As far as I know Melvin and his stomach are not talking to each other because Melvin's tummy thinks he smells, the question I want to know is how a tummy can smell?



He grabbed some lunch, which was his favourite strawberry and brocolli pie with orange yoghurt. He munched it very slowly so he could stare at his beloved Ellie for longer. But, he didn't eat some of it because the food landed on the front of the case file, trying to wipe it off Melvin made it worse and now the case file had a massive green and red smudged stain on the front. He cleaned up the rest up and threw it in the newly placed bin, he moved it from the side of his desk because he



didn't want to get his head stuck in it again. He sat at his desk and noticed his secretary was back from her lunch break.



"Miss Tan, can I have a word please?" Melvin called his secretary in and handed her his other case files and told her to file them away for another day. This didn't help the fact that he was trying to concentrate on looking at the case files when Miss Tan was wearing a very revealing dress with her cleavage, bum and legs showing. Melvin looked over to the Elephant paddock and saw Ellie taking fruit from her boss lady, smiled and sighed. Uranga caught on to what he was looking at, she followed his eyes and noticed that he was staring at the Elephant paddock. She was fuming that he fancied Ellie and not her. She grabbed the papers off the desk, stomped her heels, shaked her behind so he would notice, turning around she saw that he wasn't, she slammed the door so hard that the room shook, it was that hard the flower pot on top of the filing cabinet next to his desk, fell on top of the monkey, smacking him on the head and knocking him out for the count.

Chapter 1 – Introduction



“The name is Monkay, Melvin. to be precise”, he sat on his spinney branch and spun really hard he fell halfway across the room on his backside. Luckily no one saw him falling off the branch. He brushed himself down and lit a banana flavoured cigar and puffed away.



“Life is good”



He sat down and looked around his cage, smiling at himself, admiring the view of his new secretary, she will placed in the cage by the big boss, so she could flirt her way into sharing his pile of bananas. She was an attractive girl with long orange hair down to her waist, the sexiest voice and the longest and luscious legs you could ever imagine.



There was a knock on the tree.



“Come in”, Melvin said whilst choking on the smoke from his cigar.



“Good morning Detective Monkay. Here is a list of your chores and your latest crime that needs help from a brilliant private detective like yourself”, She said on his branch whilst flashing her cleavage and playing with her long orange hair.



“Thank you Miss Tan, that will be all for now” Melvin was still choking on his cigar, by that time he had given up and threw it in the pile of food that had gone rotten.



“Oh please, Detective Monkay, my name is Uranga. Uranga Tan” She smiles and winked at him when she sexily walked out the door.



But, even the gorgeous Miss Tan could not persuade Detective Monkay to share his basket of bananas with her, because he was already smitten with another lady who is on the larger side of life. She was there washing herself along with her sister, he loved the fact that her enclosure was opposite his. In his free time he spent hours staring at her. She was a beauty with her big behind, her incredible height, her beautiful brown eyes, but on the other hand she did have a few flaws which was her big nose, and her big ears but that didn’t stop Melvin from loving her. He even made a tribute to her on his favourite tree trunk; he engraved it with their initials which read “M.D.M 4 E.P” which Melvin kissed every day. You see, Ellie had a very protective father called Draco and she was not allowed to date anyone else. The reason was that Ellie was the youngest of the Phant family, so she was the one who all the guys wanted to have.



Whilst his daily stare of Ellie was happening, an almighty bang was heard from the gate of his cage. He was fuming that his daily stare was so rudely interrupted; he went to the door to do some detective work, and to bring the interrupter to justice. He went to the door and opened it. Miss Tan ran in, knocking Melvin flying to the other side of the cage, she was all shaken up,



“Det.... Detect....” She began panting really heavily.



“Spit it out would you!”He said whilst trying to pull himself out of his filing cabinet. Melvin was beginning to get angry and frustrated which was bad news for a monkey in his condition. His condition was old age, and if he knew I have told you, he is going to kill me!



With this, a long white slobbery nose appeared from the ajar door. It was a nose he had never seen before, and he is a detective so he would have a nose of this type of thing. He was interested what type of animal was attached to this nose so he waited for the animal to appear. The white nose was followed by a fuzzy white head which had the two cutest little ears on top. The body was extremely huge and rounded with 4 long legs and the biggest paws ever, Melvin gulped in fear when he saw the polar bear enter the office.



“I do apologize for this chaotic entrance, please let me introduce myself. My name is Bear, Minty. to be precise. I am looking for a Private Detective Melvin D Monkay, is he here?” He said this in the softest voice ever, he looked like a massive bear that could kill you in one swipe of his paw, but he was really a cuddly teddy bear.



Melvin got up in an instance, brushed himself off, and stuck his hand out for Mr Bear to shake it. They shook hands and Melvin sat down on his branch and lit a kiwi cigar.



“Please Mr Bear, take a branch”, He pointed to the nearest branch to his desk. He then asked Miss Tan to leave the room, so he could start his detective work.



“Thank you very much; I’m here on a business matter though. My secret stash of my favourite polo mints have gone missing, there is no way my wife Berry could have taken them, she is pregnant with my cubs obviously and the mints give her gas, and there is no other bears in my enclosure, can you please help me?” with this he pulled out a pineapple for payment, and offered him another one if he successfully completed the case.



“I will need full co-operation with you and your wife, for investigating the enclosure and be allowed to interview as many suspects as we need to”. He got some contracts that were written on leafs and asked Mr Bear to sign them. He signed them and handed them back to Melvin.



With this, Melvin jumped on the table and punched the air.



“This is a job for Melvin D Monkay, Private Detective to the animals” Stupidly he didn’t realise he was hanging off the table and fell off, landing head first in the bin.

COMMENTS

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Angelus
00:10 Apr 10 2009

This is really quite amusing..

..I like your style of writing.



It works well.

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