The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Boredom
04:12 Feb 28 2014
Times Read: 327

It has never occurred to me how many hours are in a day than when you are sitting still with only the open window and the night breeze as company. I have talked to many people today and I am glad I have met them. They are really sweet and need some shout out! For today you made my day adventurous!



Thank you for all you have said, whether it be corny jokes or fall out of your seat funny, to karma talks and whatnot. I have enjoyed my day and it only seems fair I write it all down and keep it within my memory. I hope all of you get a lot of happiness thrown your way like large pies!



Tee hee!!!!!

Roses
02:27 Feb 27 2014
Times Read: 348

Regret
18:26 Feb 24 2014
Times Read: 367

Not one of the things I ever feel. I have been drifting today, feeling lost and confused. Feeling sad is an unbearable thing. It happens that I might lose a friend tonight and I wish it would not happen... I have done so much in just a short life but really live it. I have been told what to do so often, been held away from the world I feel myself longing, if not but for a second to live away from these people. As much as I love them to death, I find myself saying...



What if?

Wishing...
01:55 Feb 24 2014
Times Read: 373

Wishing I had someone to call my own...

Wishing for someone to come along.

Who does not lie to me, does not use me.

Doesn't leave me in wallowing in misery.



Wishing for the world to send me a person,

Who lets me be myself,

And stands up for me and my children.

Even when the worlds looks for our demise



He could look into their eyes

And also into mine, and sacrifice his pride

For not my happiness, but my heart

Our well-being. Is at stake here.

Music
02:18 Feb 21 2014
Times Read: 409






I will never get enough of music. It is my life's blood, a way to keep my sanity. I wish to spread my wings in this area, for I can sing. I just have no support for it among those I live with. They are old fashioned yes. I have no words for them right now. I want to write something positive tonight.



Its a release for me, music. I have so much energy and feel so alive when listening to the right thing at the right time. The blood in my veins begin to surge, quite like desire. It makes my heart throb in time to the beat and makes my feet dance, sways my body in tune with the earth. It raises the winds of time around me and takes me to a place where I feel loved, even if it was only for a little while.



I have so longed for a career in it... But I don't think it was meant to be. At every attempt it gets thwarted. But in the end it doesn't matter. I would love to write my own music, and where would I get band mates? lol Maybe it IS better I am not into music professionally.



Thanks again for listening to my ramblings...

Soothing The Soul.
18:20 Feb 20 2014
Times Read: 415

Words are like an art, a dying one at times. It makes my heart hurt to see this, although I hope I'm wrong in the end. :) My oldest son is into numbers, he can't quit counting at times. Its amazing what all the little sponges their minds become.



I can't imagine going through life without them now. They make my heart shine like nothing else before them. I hope everyone I ever meet finds something like that in their hearts. :)



As for my beloved, he makes my heart glow too but sometimes its dimmed by his actions and choices that make my heart ache with pain. It seems that I have a type of relationship like that with most of the people in my life. I never understood it before, but as I am writing this I can see what my life has become and maybe I can right those wrongs in the near future.



As I have said before, I am not blameless. I have lost my temper too many times to be so. I have taken my anger out on the people I am supposed to cherish, though I have said sorry and stopped it in time before it got too out of hand. I am the one also responsible for the many cracks others have out there as well, for I could just walk away if I wanted to. I have tried so very hard not to give up. But at times weakness has succeeded and I have lost friends to it, although some have given up on me...



My heart is too tainted and broken for most to love, even my own family has problems accepting me at times. Its amazing how far I fell from the family tree and it has grown so many weeds after a time around it, I cannot find my way back home. Lest I not forget that I shook the limb I was on very hard, lol.



SO in saying so, I leave these thoughts for anyone to view and hopefully enjoy. If not, I will not apologize but I do bid thee farewell in the highest regards. :)

Babbling Away Today
04:26 Feb 20 2014
Times Read: 424

I love this thing, lol. I can write forever, writing down random thoughts, feelings and things. its so freeing to let your words out onto a surface, this area will get used often.



One of the reasons I love to write, is its the only way to get out what I am feeling, since I am limited in speech where I live. I can't not vent my emotions in real life speech. So making this my own space is going to be a blast. This is going to be the best part of Vampire Rave, although meeting new people may lead to great adventures.



I wish to say that I don't want any type of relationship on here except friendships, as I already have a love. He is not perfect and lets face it, no one is. But he is the one for me. I love the way he makes me feel and I cannot say that about many people in my life.



So far you have only seen a few sides of me, as I have not shown you every facet of the prism that makes me whole. I can tell you a great many things that would make you beg for more or beg me to go away. It never gets old though. Writing is the best thin in the world to me, besides my babies.



I have barely mentioned anything of real importance and yet this is babbling along very nicely. I hope I stay on course and not bore you too much, but my guess is that its too late and you have hung up the towel and left the page already. *sigh*



TO this entry I leave it for now and hope the next one will be actually useful. xD hahaha!

Just Babble
02:16 Feb 20 2014
Times Read: 430

My heart aches, returning from being so horribly broken. If I had a few words to make the pieces go back together seamlessly I would speak them now. As it is there are so many cracks and scars still visible to the naked eye, its a wonder it can still beat.



The man who is supposed to be in charge of putting it back together has put a lot of the scars there himself, handling the precious jewel that is my heart with no care at all. His love is a terrible one. Its amazing how it has survived in his hands. But he still is holding it. For now.



His family has treated me and my children so poorly it has sent me to the end of sanity and back. Looking for a way to vent my rage and sadness led me here to this site, too dark for any of them to follow. They ridicule me and my babies, but I have no choice but to endure, for I am too far away from home to do much of anything. I am over 2000 miles away from any of my family. It has been rough, I shall enlist more words for this topic later.



I have three amazingly beautiful babies. I have two sons and a wonderfully gorgeous daughter. I will say that they are the life's blood that keeps my poor, battered heart beating. They replace some of the poison in my veins with love. If it wasn't for them I would not be living today.



My family that lives so far away from me is not the most stable one. I have many issues with them. But I cannot complain too much. My father was a devoted one when growing up, he helped me be independent and gave me some of the feathers of my wings to fly. My mother was there for the most part, although alcohol was not far behind in most cases. My older sister fell hard on the wrong path at first but has been there for me since I can remember. My younger sister has a problem with accepting her problems and taking responsibility for them. She blames the whole world for everything, when really she need not look farther than the mirror. And my half brother is in jail, enough said there.



I cannot express enough how much my heart is injured, but I shall try to make it as clear as possible. Even if I wasn't taken by anyone, I might not let anyone that close for a while to come. Its not easy to love after everything a heart can go through.



I am not perfect. I accept that some of the cracks I put there were my own doing. Choices I have made have made it impossible for it to be any less true. I take into my heart the people who have broken it. It's my choices alone that can mend it as well. But some things in my life I cannot let go of for the time being. If I get a second chance, I will try to do better and be nicer, or more open to the world around me.



For now I end with this: If my world ended tonight, right now, at this very moment, I can honestly say I have very few, if no regrets, except one. That I could not greet the readers of this and thank them for listening to me babble of my issues of a broken heart and how it cam to be this way.



Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again. :)