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My family life is a lie. I do not know why he keeps telling everything is okay when it is not. He is shut up in a dark room talking to some girl from work as i type this out. I am done with pretending. I hurt so bad it is not even funny. I am crying and typing, although that is not a good idea. I just wish things were different. That i had not fallen for his lies of forever. They were all LIES!!!! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!!!



Too late now to pack up and head back west where I should have stayed I am not gonna feel anymore, let something, anything numb the pain. I am dying inside, my heart breaking....



So alone I am screaming inside....

COMMENTS

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DragonReborn
23:04 Apr 24 2014

to feel that way in a relationship is worse than anything else.it is better to not be with someone rather than have to feel like you don't even matter to them at all.sweet words and promises both forgotten and broken.I wish there was some way you could get out of that cause you truly are an amazing lady and you don't deserve to be neglected and treated that way.Some guys never learn what they have til it is too late..all the pain and all the tears ..one person can only go through so much.Your not alone thou,I know i am just online but I will always try my best to be here for you.

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Okay, today started out normal enough. I have the kids sit down for breakfast and a few cartoons. They love Mickey Mouse and Paw Patrol, Doc McStuffins and Team Umizoomi. That's the best shows ever if you want your babies to learn lots of cool and nifty things like numbers, shapes, colors, ect.



Okay so I was going out the front door and to the stores to look for the birthday party stuff, a bit of Easter too. I got alot of Easter and birthday party stuff. I was so proud of what we got cause it cost way less than we thought it was gonna. I found the perfect cake, the perfect decorations, ect.





I even found little baby cupcakes that would be perfect for her tiny hands. I got little cups of ice cream to let her have at one with a tiny baby spoon. So everything is going okay. I even had dinner for 21 people made. It was scary to get ready but we did it and I was very proud.



Not a one person shows up for the dinner part of the party like they said they would. Gah, I should have that coming. But we hand out the food cause everyone showed up very late.



So we hand out all the cake and ice cream next, cause that is the part everyone showed up for. She was so shy at first, didn't want to let go of mommy. She was so cute with her little cheeky grins. She made all the adults smile and coo at her. She was the little lady that all adored.

Until she got her cupcake... then she was way too messy to hold and cuddle. It was a blast, cause at first she did not want her cupcake, poking at it as if it were toxic. Making faces. But in the end mommy broke off a piece and put in her mouth. The rest, as they say, is history....







So I take a time out to give the little cutie a bath. They all devour their cake and start to leave. Besides Daddy and Grandma, no one brings not even a card for her except for Auntie Raye. Well getting her all washed up daddy brings out the biggest and best toy of the night. She loves it to death and she was already walking before. But now she is an unstoppable force!







An ending to her party you ask? Everyone ate almost all the cake and ice cream and then left, not even saying happy birthday or nothing to my little girl. Big moochers is all they are! I hope that karma bites them on their asses. Besides the people she was happy and fell asleep just hours after the party, worn out and content. Which makes me very happy to see her smile.

So, tonight I felt so bad, I was crying and snotting and just feeling like shit. Then along came along a few angels! They were so sweet and kind and let me know I was SOOO not alone in my struggle to breathe through the emotional pain I was in. They calmed my soul and let my brain back into the picture. I love my new Coven. Without them I think i would have been so lost! Thanks is also awarded to those special few who are not in my Coven. You have such big hearts for someone you just met. And no matter if you mean it or not, I will always be grateful for tonight. I am so grateful to talk and have you listen.



It made me so happy to know that I have someone to talk to. Thanks a bunch!!! You will never know how much that meant to me.

My heart hurts so bad at times. I just want to shut it down and go so far away no one can reach me. I have only done that once in my lifetime and it was not pretty. I wish I had a better support system than the one I have. I just wish they would tell me I am doing a good job and that my kids are beautiful.



I just wish things were equal. I am their maid, servant, stuck inside a house that I never wanted any part of to begin with. Just looking around and reconnecting with old friends makes my heart hurt. Seeing what I could have had makes me weep...



I have never regretted anything about my life until just a week or so. I don't know what triggered it but now I just wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self about this time, this place.



I do not wish to be here. I never did want to come this far east. I miss my family so much, cause my family never treated me this badly. I think the only good thing that has come from this is that I cherish my family just a little bit more than I did....



Nothing is worse than knowing that I cannot change anything. That I am stuck here without the aid of others. I hate being helpless. I hate being reliant on people. It makes them have power over you and I swore that no one would hold anything over my head. I still think that way.



I am so alone here....