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Things have gotten so much harder. Rent goes up, I can't get full work hours. Meh. I'm used to it. Just gotta keep on trying and have fun with it. At least yesterday we were worry free.
Just 30 more lbs to go. Here's a laugh, I've lost 69. I don't talk about it much. Don't know why. I guess I didn't want to seem as crazy as I was. Lol.
I don't care anymore. So tired of what should have been said and what didn't happen. I'm ready to move on now. Like right now, even if he doesn't realize its over. He's taking too long to reply or for me to be nice.
so tired of hypocrites. Furthermore, I'm plain tired. Got a nice birthday weekend to take care of for mommy. :) She can have whatever she wants!
The difference between you and I is that you recognize other people and people remember me. People worship the ground I walk on. And it never takes religion to be a good person. It takes being good without thought to be good. Don't take my word for it though, I'm just your typical egotistical cunt.
There's so much unsaid. Its only sad because I thought I could be like everyone else and settle. But maybe that's not for me. Maybe be I'm meant to thrive for myself. I've a new lover anyway and his name is ukulele. Hehe.
I've been having so much fun lately. I don't know if I'm really in denial or just plain having fun with life. xD
What annoys me most is that I have an annoying twitch in my left eyelid. O.o Had it the past 4 days now. I wish I had more time to write, I have to rush to work.
It's like the more I think about it, the more I want it to end. How socially inept can you get? At first, it hit me hard. The realization of loss. Then when you went on about things, you made me mad. Spending time with you like that, I might as well be alone. Imagine, someone bitching about going to a party that only had three other people, because you're lazy. Ugh. And that, THAT was too many people. Geez.
I want more, so much more. And you're a pussy. A goddamned wimp. Can't even go on a roller coaster.
The religious excuses are fucked. You don't even understand half of my intellectual conversations. I have a solution, bow down before me instead. Heh.
I don't know if it'll end or if you'll wake up. I only know that I'm willing to talk and behave, for now.
I want a few beers, I wanna go to a concert tomorrow. Fuck, fucking, fuckedy, fuck, fuck! :D I am who I am and if you don't like it, go fuck yourself. Arrrrggh!
What did you expect, me to eat a gallon of ice cream and sit on a couch, sobbing? Hell no. >.>
The only way I can explain it is like how we grow in age but sometimes, mentally, we're the same. The days pass, we change physically and at the same time, I can't see that. I see the old me, I feel the old me. No, it has nothing to do with age, just something I need to get used to. Maybe I'm not ready to talk like braver people. Maybe I like keeping to myself and maybe I don't want to make you worse than what you are with my own problems. Yeah, that's it.
Huge blister on my foot. And I'm worried about someone from their tone of messages.
Ah damn. Well then, I hope I get what I want tomorrow unless its already taken. People that put their junk up for free on a list. One person listed a bike. I am gonna call them.
Last weekend we took a bus to get the train so we could chill in the city. I usually go into the city then as a mental break, although, it takes a lot out of me. As such, I have decided to take up coffee as a replacement of the caffeine I gave up when I quit soda.
Anyway, so the bus: We had one of those drivers who liked how strong I was when it came to moving the wheelchair. As we left, I was caught off guard and he squeezed my upper arm, commenting on how strong I was. I let it go, with some remark about how I have a boyfriend.
Today I took mom out before work, as we were going to take the same bus anyway. We happened to get that driver again. He doesn't look like a creep by the way. xD He's this built up dude with bunches of tattoos. He commented about my muscles again and that was that. Although he looks like a model, I couldn't give a damn. I'm just not into him and I respect my boyfriend.
When we got off the bus, mom and I went our separate ways. When we met up five hours later, she told me that on her way home she actually got him as a bus driver again. :x
She said he asked where I was. I forgot what else she said but she told him he had nice tatts and that I already had a boyfriend and that he should see my tatts. I guess she was trying to be friendly while reminding him that I'm already taken. He says to that, I can't see her tatts, she has a boyfriend. Lmao.... Wft. Burn.
Working every day of the week, only its part time. Sucks major ballz. Sure, I want to work more but four hours a day seems like a waste. Least I get out every day. I don't mind it at the moment with the good weather but id hate this in the winter. Oh well, what can you do.
Been trying to look for a second job. I can tell that if I get one, I'm gonna need coffee. Lol
There's a concert going on tonight, I don't think I'll be going. I always feel too tired for anyone or anything. I only wish there were more hours in the day. Lol
Ever go into one of those corner stores and get unwanted comments? I went to this one near a bus stop to buy a lotto ticket and every time I go there the woman behind the counter comments about my weight. "You're thinner. Are you on a diet?" 'No. >.> I'm not.' So annoying.
In other news, while we're on this topic...
Ever make that fart noise with your arm pit? Lmao I could never do it till now. Its like the most amazing thing. What? Don't you judge my entertainment. ._.
My cousin used to lie on his back and make fart noises with his knees by kicking really fast..hahaha
20:22 Aug 13 2013 Times Read: 715
Then there's this. I know people have probably seen it a million times in other journals. That's how I saw it. Another post couldn't hurt.
I feel as if I won't be back here any time soon besides mobile. Unless I find a night job somewhere else. These guys totally can't find anything for me. Yay, not. Haha, that's life for you. And for what you can't find, you can make or do yourself.
Know what's funny? Was watching Roseanne the other day on a break. I haven't seen it since I was a baby. In the early 90's. David, lol, he's so small in his young age compared to the big bang theory.
Isn't he though! I watch Roseanne all of the time! Love that show. It is so much more realistic than full house and other shows from roughly the same time period. I also watch the big bang theory a lot.
Here is a run down of how my week went. Friday was really nice. Someone owned me one for my birthday so they took the family and I out to a bar. Got myself a few drinks and some chips with salsa. Saw the fireworks and didn't feel it in the morning because I ate a lot. Still, I shouldn't have been partying after the tummy ache, eh fuck it, right?
Got up the next day for work. It was a hell of a week. Couldn't keep it for reasons, however, did finish up the work week. Now I have a temp job over the weekend.
Found out that there wasn't a mistake on my paycheck. Apparently they only pay us for 13 hours during live-ins and not per hour. Fuck. I had wasted 5 days on that?!?! Hell... Bloody fuckin' hell.
Over worked and underpaid is what I am. I'd rather 12 hours for 4 days BUT I want it near me. I can't stand to travel and not get enough sleep or worry if I'm late.
Most of the pay gets handed over to family. Sure, I could use stuff, though I'll get myself something when I can save up for it or wait for tax returns.
I'm a little pissed form this bad news at the moment. Cranky that I can't get on here with the new phone. Happy that I can finally get back onto FB.
I never thought I'd say this- Might just quit VR for a while. Kinda pissed about shit.
Sorry, not sorry, take it or leave it. -Shrugs- Will be on FB however.
don't leave I already miss you :( but we should be friends on facebook too, lets make that happen.
20:05 Aug 02 2013 Times Read: 753
Was so sick last night. I think I was a little over-dramatic. Tummy ache.
My night started like this around 11pm- "Ugh, I'm going to curl up and die on my bed.
"Shut the f*ck up. You're fine."
(Paces around holding tummy) No, I'm not. I swear I'm going to die and I won't go to the hospital till they return. When the hell does this medicine kick in? Fuck this, I'm going to bed."
(5 minutes later; runs to the bathroom) Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (Drool) ..... BLAH! blah!
"I feel better than before but I still feel sick. I'm not staying up for them any longer, I'll just head to bed again."
(Goes to bed by 3am.)
(Wakes up by 5am) Ugh. (Finally goes out to pick them up from a few blocks outside.)
Fuckin' inconsiderate basterd! I needed to go to the ER and you didn't come home from your friends home. I was worried sick and sick as fuck!
(One hour later)
Oh, all better now. o.O Don't know if it was food poisoning or a virus.
Creep is still a bit hard to play without the internet to guide me or someone to help me with the fingering. I notice that I have a feeling of empowerment when playing because I lose my stage fright, which I've been trying to get over for years. I sing nice and loud! However, I mess up the playing because my brain has to learn how to do two things at once, lol.
I decided that I want to try this one, though I'll have to learn the lyrics. :P
Found this version of the video on a chord site. xD
COMMENTS
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Iamhell
05:30 Aug 31 2013
i care ~hugs~
PandorasBx
20:59 Aug 31 2013
Ugggh. Thinking of you Rosers *hugs*.