Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
14 entries this month
Missing A Lot
19:25 Jun 30 2009
Times Read: 653
I have found that I have a hidden talent. I am great at writing smut. Yep, porn for women, the written word. Problem is, what am I supposed to do with this hidden talent? I have no way to share this talent with anyone but my husband, who finds that while it is hot its just not his style because he is male. Men are visual while most women enjoy imagining such things. *Sigh* I don't know.
Irish Coffee
07:43 Jun 30 2009
Times Read: 657
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.
'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It
was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'
LOLZ
08:12 Jun 28 2009
Times Read: 669
I met a guy! Big deal, you say! It's VR and everyone gets hit on here! Well guess what! I met a guy I like to talk to!! I am married after all, duh!!
That is the amazing thing! Meeting someone you can hold an intelligent conversation with, who is male, and doesn't mention your tits..that is a guy worth knowing!!
I have serious shy issues, so I don't meet to many people. Most of the people I meet on here I decide I would prefer not to talk to because they have some serious issues. One look at my portfolio with a lot of the younger males and I wanna block them. Or I get stupid questions about how to drink blood. Sometimes I want to make a big sign that reads
"Teenagers of the world put your braincell to good use!! Think for a change!!"
Ok, off my rant. Anyway!! I had a serious conversation tonight that lasted more than two minutes. Now I am happy! Sweet dreams VR!!
Smiles!
08:04 Jun 28 2009
Times Read: 671
I got big smiles with this rating..not for the rate..but for the sweet compliment and the proof that some people do read the profiles!
Date: 20:01:02 - Jun 26 2009
Rating: 10
Comment: Well, What can I say about your profile, only one word: Perfect. From the words coming from your heart, to the message coming from your soul. You are a true woman, and your kids and your husband, are lucky to have a person like you closed to them. Blessed be, for you, your kids, and your husband. 10+++
Birthday Fun!!
05:10 Jun 28 2009
Times Read: 677
Today was Marks birthday. I took him to lunch and then to see the new Transformers movie..which he absolutely LOVED!! Then we went to my favorite buy/sell/trade bookstore and got this AMAZING deal on the first six Harry Potter books! He thinks I am just the greatest right now, or he would if we hadn't had such a great day, cause he is passed out asleep on the floor LOL.
His mother called to wish him happy birthday while we were having dinner and I yelled into the phone that he was spoiled. She just laughed and said it was great that nothing had changed. I have an amazing mother in law. She is so different from most stereotypical mother in laws as to make me one happy woman! She even asked me once if I was happy with my sex life! I think she would have given me advice if I hadn't been honest and told her that her son was an adonis in bed and I couldn't be happier.
I am not sure where I am going with all this rambling, but I guess what I am trying to get at is that I had a great day. It has been one of those days where I know I couldn't be happier.
Sherriff Joe!!
03:42 Jun 26 2009
Times Read: 687
SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!
You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells
pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.........
SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!
Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!
Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray
animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department
over, and the County Supervisors said okay.
The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed
and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked
twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and
behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal.
He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of
prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.
The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million.
Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years
ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even
had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.
The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most
would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his
budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners
out of the fees collected for adopted animals.
I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the
way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm,
donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most
of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by
hand.
He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It
fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy
a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We
have six trees in our yard from the Prison.
Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and
vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on
it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and
Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies
trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline,
and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind
of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.
TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO
HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF
AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail':
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for
them.
He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights
Cut off all but 'G' movies.
He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city
projects.
Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get
Sued For Discrimination.
He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order
that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let
In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.
When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot
It's Gonna Be While They Are Working
ON My Chain Gangs.
He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The
Ritz/Carlton......If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'
More On The Arizona Sheriff:
With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just
Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At
The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their
Government-Issued
Pink Boxer Shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their
bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached
138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.
Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their
Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.
'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has
Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago
started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not
one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates:
'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They
Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,
But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your Mouths!'
Way To Go, Sheriff!
Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime
and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not
live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit
another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy
things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.
Married Bliss!
21:48 Jun 25 2009
Times Read: 691
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night , she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.
'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'
'Well , husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
' Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.
'But now that I've married you , I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful' , said the husband , 'but why?
'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT' ..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED .'
Today
20:12 Jun 24 2009
Times Read: 696
Something was brought up today that I thought I had managed to bury in my heart and mind a year ago. Last year, 5 years after I thought I had had a successful tubal ligation (had my tubes tied) I got pregnant. I was so happy when I realized that I was going to be able to give my now husband a child of his own. I was about three months along, at work about 1 oclock one morning when the miscarriage started. For those who haven't ever had or even carried a child there is no way I can describe what I went through that night and for the next two nights. The pain was unbearable but physical pain means nothing to me compared to the pain I went through emotionally. Since then it has happened twice, and I have been able to keep from getting my hopes up. Today I was reminded of all of this and now I can't keep from crying. I just feel so emotionally drained just from thinking of it. I am hoping that writing this, that clearing my heart and head will help.
Best Joke In Ireland
19:02 Jun 23 2009
Times Read: 710
Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best Toast of the Night.'
She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest
of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'
NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
19:17 Jun 18 2009
Times Read: 725
This is probably the best e-mail I've seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything..
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
Burnt Not Toasted
12:13 Jun 14 2009
Times Read: 755
Yes, there is a seriously funny reason for the title of todays entry. It is the same reason for me not being able to sit back in a chair, or on a chair with my whole behind comfortably, or even wear clothes that cover more than my bathing suit. Yep, its summer!! I got my first burn yesterday while at the lake with my man, my nephews and their parents (whom I don't claim due to not liking white trash) and random other friends and family. I was out for about 4 hours and pulled a big stupid and didn't put on sunblock because it was nice and slightly overcast. I had a great time, never got too hot and so never thought about anything but fun friends and food. Within minutes of getting home I was miserable though. Oh well, I will heal in a couple days and probably be right back at it knowing me!
What A Day
15:04 Jun 11 2009
Times Read: 771
I am going through my coven right now and giving it a serious face lift. Not many would understand this but I do. I want to take my coven down a path and we need to get started right away so that we can at least say we tried. In that sense of things I and my fearless ACM are going through and putting many members up for trade at ridiculously cheap prices but we also want them to go to good covens too.
I met someone on here that seems to be able to make me laugh on even the worse days. I am hoping that we will become the kind of friends that happen rarely..the kind that like each other for more than a few months. I have been gone for so long that it feels that I am having to make friends all over again on here. That is ok though because I am getting used to starting over.
In real life news: My best friend had a majorly rough day yesterday too. She went to her oldest son's parole and the good news is that he is getting out of jail Friday. The bad news is that her youngest son is going into a rehab program Tuesday. She is a good mother, I know because I have seen her in action so to speak, but when they have to deal with their fathers influence too. Those poor boys don't stand a chance! At least her middle son is still on the straight and narrow..or he just hasn't been caught yet. Im not sure which.
My wonderful husband is at this very minute off doing laundry. Do I need to explain to any woman why I keep him around? LOL He actually likes to help me out. I am supposed to be cleaning house right now but can't seem to find an end to this journal entry so I can get started. I got the tunes cranked up and the dishes soaking so I am getting closer but I just can't seem to have the "want to" to finish. VR is just more entertaining!
On a good note my hair went over much better with the friend faction, family hasn't seen it yet. Mark loved it though and since he and I are really the only two that matter on this one I think I am just gonna keep it bright red for a while.
I am thinking of redoing my profile again. I just can't seem to get it to the point where I think it is perfect. It seems so full at times and barren at others. I don't know what to do with it.....
Oh well, guess today's rant is over for now..dishes and vaccumming beckon..but..I will be back!!
Life Update
16:18 Jun 10 2009
Times Read: 785
I am so glad to be back up and running. Between the virus more poor computer caught and real life nonsense it has been so long since I have been able to take the active role that I used to.
Work was being problematic what with wanting me to work 7 days a week but I solved that by quitting my job. Stupid move I know with the economy the way it is these days but my husband was in agreement, in fact he practically begged me to so that we could start seeing each other again. With him working 12 hours a day and me never getting weekends off it was becoming a strain to our relationship. He was going to bed right around the time I got up of a night.
I recently dyed my hair blond but got tired of everyone telling me how ridiculous I looked (natural chocolate brown hr) so I redyed it red. I haven't got a reaction from anyone yet since I just did it this morning but I am seriously hoping it is more positive since I will probably choke my friend Chelle if she goes on for another hour about how bad I look. I really like the red too. Seems to be more naturally me. Fits my personality.
I finally mastered the stick shift. Seriously a proud moment for me. I know that sounds stupid but I have always been scared of learning or trying new things so this is a biggie. Sometimes I feel like a whole new person. I am letting the things I want to do take over more, becoming braver. I don't understand it but I guess the closest I could get to describing it would be coming out of my shell.
Think that is all for now on the update part. I have run out of things to talk about.
COMMENTS
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ladySnowStrixx
12:49 Jul 01 2009
sweet heart you write a book of course,