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love
07:02 Mar 02 2009
Times Read: 644






There have been some major waves in a small pool. Causing lots of destruction to the outer container, my heart. I've been



lonely, tried to no be...



succeeded for awhile...then I feel twenty times more...and I know this is not the generation for a loving bleeding



heart to think that he's going to get treated correctly. I know of a few women who talk about such a love and



romanticize the idea, but would never actually put such things into practice. These women have told me that they



love me....want to be with me...then they just find someone who is more like them...more like the side of them



that they don't want to be....because its easy....no effort in staying the same....its comfortable...you know



what to expect even if its not what your heart truly desires...there is certain peace and relief in the



familiar. so I try to find one until I become bored or lonely enough to give up and then fall back to some



purely carnal relationship that keeps my bed warm and my nuts empty with all kind of shit talking and general small



talk kinda fun shit laughing having a good time and this shit goes well until I realize that she couldn't



really care less if I were dead tomorrow...or would take care of me until im better if I was sick. this shit



bothers me. where are those women I know with the desires for real love...true love...off somewhere feeling the



dulling of another plastic relationship. ready to just burst into tears and a war cry at the same time...



hands to the sky...in disgust of myself...in disgust of the world and its unknown true inhabitants....but



mostly distain for not allowing enough time and causing myself so much bullshit for no reason. definitely



not worth it. BUT THE ONE THAT I LOVE SAID SHE LOVED ME. I should be one of those special ones with the love that



keeps thirty years bright as the first day. what happened, just saw someone else on the way to me who caught there



attention for the last five years. screaming to the sky because you let yourself love someone who you knew was not



even operating on that same wave link and didn't give an infant rat shit ether way. just like me, wondering why I did



the same shit expecting different results...insanity. but when you're looking for true love....through all



the pain and anguish of realization that it just probably wont happen for ya?......



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.......that skirt bouncing juuust the right way will drive you CRAZY..and the next few weeks you can



spend locked up in a room some where taking out your "frustrations" :, and those screams of her relief bring on



the healing of your soul.. and even though she probably doesn't care....she's only known you a night....shell



tell you she loves you but i was nothing a day ago...you had all this bravado...this



swagger of badassness. and in away I feel I over came myself as I observe you lying weaved with sheets sprawled out



motionless. and now ill feel bound to you as you learn to tell yourself what you feel is love...and that im the



object of it. and ill feel fucked up to leave and walk off. but I cant tell you that shit if its a lie...and



honestly its all too much. but what happened to the me looking...longing after love and timeless caring. that



trap, I will keep clear. because the emotions you're feeling aren't love....and im not willing to blind myself for



half contentment....no more lies. besides....ive felt love...and this is definitely not it. I love the one who



made me feel the way i do in my dreams with only a glance in her eye...the one that is awake...her heart free of



delusions...why cant she see me though? I can see her like she's sitting on a mountain top snow covering every inch



but the circle around her. why wont she see me? or even can she? ill love her.. but she must come to me...I



refuse to chase...when she comes its where she wants to be.....so ill wait. two days or twenty years.