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It's blinding the pain,

Of what could happen

You bring out my worst fears

And ask me to live with it.

You tell me to grow up,

But I am much more

than you're led to believe



Chorus: And if I am to change,

I'll change for me.

You know how that goes,

You keep saying that I should,

but keep trying to hold yourself back.



I led you to believe that you,

Know all there is to know about me,

I made you see just what you wanted,

So, you'll criticize me for being childish

When you really don't know

How I feel.



Chorus: And if I am to change,

I'll change for me.

You know how that goes,

You keep saying that I should,

but keep trying to hold yourself back.



So the wedge between

it grows bigger

And all that you felt

Will drown in ice

so selfish am I to keep you close

Knowing



Oh, just knowing...



If I am to change,

I'll change for me.

You can't tell me, how to be.

Yet, you'll try because for some reason

You see

That something is wrong

with childish me.

Ouch! You cut me, here we are again.

The cheat that was being held within.

It's sad, that you live your life so askew.

That people you know, become people you knew.



You're in a rut, a seven year spin

Wondering who is out, and who is in.

You joke, that you're so paranoid.

But how can you be? You're like an android.



Your gears, the spinning grinds you through,

If you were human, then maybe you'd do.

The things you said, that made me your love

Was it all lies, or am I that angel from above?



You push me away, and try to run

But you started it, and we aren't done.

Come back, bring me what was mine

or is this relationship, what keeps you confined?



You destroy, as I seek to build

You see yourself as strong, yet I have not yield.

Sad little android, that means to fake me out

You better get smarter, because I see the game no doubt.

Cancer-Gemini with Aquarius



Cancer is a water sign and represents the highly emotional nature of the fourth sign of the Zodiac, to which you belong. Being born under Cancer you are under the sway of the element of water and this also makes you highly caring, generous and intuitive. As a water sign you are highly evolved and even spiritual by nature. The water signs are astrologically and karmically more developed and refined in spirit.





The third sector of the zodiac reflects the principles of intelligence and communication the way people express themselves. Being born under the third sign of the zodiac brings to the fore these attributes of intellectual expression within you. Gemini is a versatile sign and is found to take interest in many different facets of life. If you could be accused of anything, it would be that your interests are so diverse you're sometimes superficial, and not deepening your knowledge of the subject in question. Likewise, many Gemini's are quite high-strung and tend to spread themselves very thin, taking on too much and not completing what they begin.



As you were born under the zodiac sign of Aquarius, you are ruled by the electric and progressive planet Uranus. This causes you to be very forward-thinking and independent in your way of approaching most things in life. No one is able to tell you how to live, because from an early age you are broad-minded and visionary attitudes made it clear to you just how differently you wished to experience your life. Even if you are sometimes criticized for this rebellious attitude, you would prefer to see yourself as an autonomous and self-sufficient human being.



The Water Bearer may get attracted to the Crab, when they meet, due to the power of the sexual attraction. The fascination is partly due to their very different ways of approach to the world. Cancer is creative, deeply emotional, quite tender at heart despite that legendary shell, sensual and moody; while Aquarius is intellectually adventurous, emotionally detached, fiercely independent stubborn and fairly self-contained. Cancer's sensuality and romantic imagination is intriguing for the Aquarian's unconventional appetites. This combination is interesting and potentially rewarding when put in a structured goal directed environment, can be very productive, due to the Aquarian ability to maintain a steady approach, combined with Cancer's creativity and emotional power. But the couple needs to develop mutual goals and work together on projects that they can share, so that the energies can be put to work instead of degenerating into jealousy and restlessness. Cancer can draw the Aquarian out of their ivory tower and the Crab's intellect is enlivened by the Aquarian's ideas. Both should make sure they do lots of traveling together, but always have a secure home base to return to and any apparent incompatibilities can be balanced and resolved.



Gemini the Twins and Aquarius the Water-Bearer enjoy a broad, stimulating intellectual relationship because both are equally lively, energetic and full of ideas to share together. The couple will enjoy each other's quick, intelligent minds and will have endless fascinating conversations about people, ideas and places. The flexible Gemini is more than willing to go along with the Aquarian taste for experiment and also appreciates the unconventional Aquarian ideas. The Water-Brearer, on the other hand, is a stabilizing influence on the Twins and is able to calm down the erratic Geminine flightiness. That helps a Gemini focus provided they are allowed enough mental space and freedom and not pushed into anything. The twins will value independence and are open and adaptable. Aquarius, a fixed sign, is more determined. They can be very stubborn, and will normally be the stronger and more stable to the two. Aquarius's prefers to take the lead in this relationship, and Gemini will be happy to follow with very little differences. Both are open to all manner of experimentation when it comes to their physical needs. However, wells of passion do not run all that deep, for, Gemini is more excited talking about it than actually performing the art of passion. This fits in well with the Aquarian's own inclinations, so its important to keep the interest in each other going strong and light at the same time. Both signs love to socialize and have a wide range of outside activities. Fortunately jealousy and the idea of ownership of a partner is very uncharacteristic of these two signs, which makes them a perfect match.

I am so tired, I stretch myself to the point that I think I may just kill myself. I pull myself up into different directions, trying to communicate with one side of myself or another. Yet, I am not frustrated with myself in the least, I am frustrated in what other people are doing.



I keep trying to talk to Raven and yet he says he is sick. I have been waiting on his side of the story and trying to move things along. If he was so sick then why is it, he can jump on here everyday, but not even send me a text? I am so tired of it, I want to scream at him. I get so annoyed when he makes a decision to disappear for a while. Do I need to go up there myself and bang the door down? I am more than capable of finding a way to get you to speak to me.



Yet, I am so preoccupied in my own life that I find it hard to really put my energy to one thing. grrr.

I feel so much more like me when you're not around. I don't know why you continue to hurt me the way you do. It's not like I did anything to really deserve the way you're treating me. Maybe I should just stop having a heart, it makes it easier to deal with all the things that are going on, either that or massive amounts of alcohol. XD