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I need you. I really need you. You're one of the few people that I trust right now, but you're not there. I try to message you, but I find nothing. I try to call you, but you never pick up. What did I do? I tried to walk away, but you keep holding me back. If you don't want me around, then why do you keep telling me to stay?



You said you loved me, you said that you cared about me and I believe you. Why aren't you there? I want to hear your voice, I want to know that you're alive. I'm terrified that our friendship may be dying. I fear losing you and you make that fear real when you don't talk to me. Maybe you're just use to us not talking for months then coming back into contact.



I don't want to do that anymore. I have something I want to ask you, but I won't do it on here. I want to say it to your face, but I can't do that without hearing your voice. What is it that makes you disappear when I need you most? I am so broken. Why can't you just let me talk to you? It's all I need, one time to say the things I need to say. Won't you give me that much?

I am getting better at this, letting people go that need to be let go. I am getting better at letting someone know how I really feel. I guess it might be partly due to the fact that I am over not stepping on someone to get my needs met. I am not a horrible person, but I am not the greatest. I dream a lot about things that help me better understand myself as a highly emotional person.



I sometimes feel that I actually feel more than the average person because I don't try to sort them out really soon. I tend to be very open about what is going on in my brain and others can find that to be a bit annoying. I can understand that, but it also helps me figure out what I should or shouldn't do.



It's been a hard year of realizing my dreams and finding nightmares in the mix. I don't believe that my life will always have my dreams realized, but I do have the power to make sure that nightmares stay at bay. I'll find it someday.

I am becoming what you fear the most, and that is someone that is here to be your equal in any way that you wish you could have been. It's sad that it's come to this, it's sad that you've pushed me so far. It's crazy to see that what you are to me is nothing short of a douche bag. I hope you know this, and learn it well. You'll get your's in time and I will already of found my happiness.

It's the only substance that makes me happy for a fleeting moment in time before the pain comes back knocking full force. I should stop drinking so much, but it's not like I drink on the weekdays. I am responsible enough to never go driving while I am drunk off my ass. I guess it should be called a problem when I am downing a whole bottle of 151 every night and trying to find happiness at the end of it.



Luckily, I haven't gotten that bad and merely use it as an upper on my weekends that I have. We'll see if I can't hold onto some sort of sanity while the storm rages on.

I stopped believing, when you stopped allowing me to believe. I stopped dreaming, when you became my nightmare. I stopped holding onto you, because you were burning me. I never stopped loving you, but you never loved me.

Strength is something that each person has differently, and some don't have any at all. I would have to say that with emotions I am one tough chick. You can't make me cry easily, I am not too overly emotional, yet I think very hard about everything. I am just that type of person.



I have a huge amount of dreams and often see myself writing out a book that brings millions of people together. I don't know why, but that is the type of impact I hope to propose on the world. I don't seek to change anything, just to enact thinking.



I have so many things in side of myself that I feel are very good. One thing is I don't keep too much stress, I find ways to filter it out. Although I do tend to sometimes hold onto other people's burdens. I am a love seeker. I want to be loved and love in return. I want to be that someone that when I am with someone, they hold me above everyone else. I want to be treated as if I was that person's last breathe and their life force.



Yet, that is something that I will selfishly carry inside of me. Because I tend to morph my life around one person and get burned when I get too close to the fire. I have been pretty much battered, but I refuse to give up the fight for what I really want out of this world.