The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So, I have a bad cold that makes me want to cut my face off. Yes, CUT MY FACE OFF. I don't like the feeling of swallowing my own booger juice. GROSS! I have been sneezing, coughing, and trying to breath normally for the past three days. I hate being sick and I need to go back to my vitamins. I also need to start carrying me some germ X. Winter is horrible for ickyness.



So, after I am over this I think I will downing some oranges probably eat three a day. I need it seeing as how bad my immune system is. Did I tell you that I'm probably one of the easiest people to get sick? Yeah it sucks that my immune system doesn't have any fight in it. I hope that when I have children they don't get my immune system. If they do, poor kids.



Anyways, yeah Demons...one is plaguing a friend of mine. Going over to help get rid of it, don't know if I can..but I can try right? yep...right...heh.

This emotion or character flaw in all of us is the single thing that makes us destroy everything. It's the only thing that keeps us from admitting our wrongs to others. It's the one thing that can destroy every little relationship you've built. When you have to swallow everything you've got just to apologize, it kills apart of you.



When someone hurts your pride it's more painful than someone just gutting you out. Pride is what kills it for me. It takes everything that I try and turns it into something completely twisted and wrong. Pride is what keeps me from forgiving, it's what keeps me from walking on sometimes. I want nothing more than peace, but pride wants to be right.



What most people don't get, and some will never get that when you communicate, there is always two choices to make. Especially, when you're in a fight. You can either be right, or you can have peace. Knowing you're right, or wanting to be right are two completely different things. If you let pride keep you from whatever it is, then your right will only make it wrong. Yet, if you accept peace and swallow that pride. Maybe you were right and that other person was wrong, but who cares in the end right?



Pride, it's not something that I use in my language alot but it is an emotion that we all have.

I guess according to someone that I wanted to be close to.



"I don't like petty arguements with back-stabbers who become better friends with their friends exes than the friend themself. "



Let me leave it out here and say. I was better friends with them until they decided to just drop off the face of the earth. I'm sorry if it leaves to only get close to the other person. And for their info. Here is the definition of a back-stabber.



to attempt to discredit (a person) by underhanded means, as innuendo, accusation, or the like.



To attack (someone) unfairly, especially in an underhand, deceitful manner: "Some backstab each other and threaten to settle their differences with a punch" (Thomas Boswell).



I've never been decietful with this person, and I have told them when I have information that I cannot tell them. I have also been inbetween it all. It's not fair.



They go onto say this then



"Don't introduce your friends to your friends, it only leads to you being left out. :)"



So, now my friends are the same as me. I don't know but somehow I think they're calling the kettle black.

I looked up at the stars last night, the kind that glow in the dark and I was so tired that I forgot to ask God why. Why did you give me a heart deeper than the ocean, greater than the sea, and there is only one of me? I asked God why is it that I want only one person, but I feel like I'm being torn away.



I love him God, and I love him so much...yet it seems there are others that want me too. Others that if I let myself I knew I could be just as happy if not more. I just think it's a mistake God to let so much happen. There has been so much I've been through and I understand alot. Maybe it's my fault, why can't I make it better? I want them to find happiness and I hope that whomever they get with will make them feel the same as I feel about my love.



Why? God? I have to wonder why I am being so tempted. Do you not want me to be with who I have? Do you want me to find someone new? Is there something wrong with my relationship? Just tell me what you want me to do...because when I went to the wedding from what I got at it, I was supposed to marry him. If you don't want me to marry him, then please make my feelings and his fade from each other. Because when I hear his voice my heart flutters. I still get tongue tied around him, I still yearn to feel his arms around me. I still want that, and yet you give me feelings that mix me up.



I like them too, God. I wish that I could give into what they have to offer sometimes, but then I look at him and I know that he is everything inside of me. They wouldn't get any of it, and that's not fair. If you want me to heal them and show them the way, then make it to were they love me as a sister, not as a lover.

I breath in deeply and I try to catch myself when I realize how scared I am of moving. I know that I must do it, every person moves out of their parent's home. How did they do it? Going without things, that's what. I don't know if I can scarifice all the things that make my life peaceful and happy. I believe I can do it, and I need to.



I'm not some weak little child that can't fend for herself. I am not someone that will take this all sitting down, or laying out on my back. I know I can do this. I will be looking to make future plans and throwing them into action.



My mom doubts me, she thinks it's a mistake. Maybe it is, but I'm going to be 21 years old soon. It's time I stand on my own two feet and take on the world. I just hope it isn't too much for me to handle....

1. the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.

2. the person, animal, or thing so offered.

3. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

4. the thing so surrendered or devoted.

5. a loss incurred in selling something below its value.

6. Also called sacrifice bunt, sacrifice hit. Baseball. a bunt made when there are fewer than two players out, not resulting in a double play, that advances the base runner nearest home without an error being committed if there is an attempt to put the runner out, and that results in either the batter's being put out at first base, reaching first on an error made in the attempt for the put-out, or being safe because of an attempt to put out another runner.

–verb (used with object)

7. to make a sacrifice or offering of.

8. to surrender or give up, or permit injury or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.

9. to dispose of (goods, property, etc.) regardless of profit.

10. Baseball. to cause the advance of (a base runner) by a sacrifice.

–verb (used without object)

11. Baseball. to make a sacrifice: He sacrificed with two on and none out.

12. to offer or make a sacrifice.

[Origin: 1225–75; (n.) ME < OF < L sacrificium, equiv. to sacri- (comb. form of sacer holy) + -fic-, comb. form of facere to make, do1 + -ium -ium; (v.) ME sacrifisen, deriv. of the n.]



—Related forms

sac·ri·fice·a·ble, adjective

sac·ri·fic·er, noun



—Synonyms 8. relinquish, forgo, renounce.



I am going to learn the definition of that for myself. This should be interesting. I have decided that I am finally going to move to Lawton, and I will be discussing the changes going on with my parents. I know that I will be meeting some pretty hefty opposition. I really hope that there will be more people to support me.



Pray for me if you are into that, I will need support. I will also be looking into educating myself online. I want a degree and I am willing to do what needs to be done. I will not move away from what is needed to take place. I want to fix the things in mine and Arthur's relationship. I know that there will be alot of unhappiness for a bit, but we are two adults that have been together for about 2 and half years. It is time we take a step further.



I want to be with him, I love him so much and Juana you understand that right? Hopefully my parents will be so understanding. I don't want a drag out fight with them. I want them to respect my decision and recognize what it's taken for me to do what it is I'm doing.

I want to make you better, and I want to make you fly...



This darkness won't sallow you. I won't let it.



I can't wait to see what you'll say, to see the light. I will reach out to you. I'm not afraid to help you. Hopefully, this will make you feel better.

I don't know, but I guess I'll never know.



Sleep...



That is what I need.