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-to grow in my spiritual gifts and understand the religion I have chosen.

-to grow in wisdom and intellect

-to learn how to read other's intentions

-to keep myself from becoming bitter

-to stand up for myself

-to grow in art and inspire others

-to push beyond my barriers and learn

-to find someone that will love me in return that meets my needs and has the values I am looking for.

-to get a job that I both enjoy and as well can get paid an amount that allows me to save, buy whatever I need and want.

It's way too cold outside, I wish that I had a means to control the weather. :(

I am often times wondering why you're crossing my mind, maybe it's because you still have some of my things? I'm not sure, or maybe the fact that I am forced to live in a place I didn't want too because of you. My thoughts don't really explain themselves, except all the words that my mind would love me to say. None of them are remotely nice and none of them will make any difference.



I guess maybe I should get something out before I explode. This is the only place I feel safe even though, it's probably the last place I should trust. So. here goes.



I honestly feel like you're one of the most rediculous person I have ever met. You're not as smart as you play yourself off to be, in fact you're probably one of the first people that i have dated to be so ignorant. You have books, and yes that is knowledge, you know a lot of things but most of it is useless. For someone who claims to have lived many lives, you're much younger than I sir. You have no idea what you're doing and the reason you feel empty is your own fault. You never earn each person that you're with.



You say that I have so much growing up to do, and what's that? learning how to use someone for all that they're worth than finding someone else that I can do the same too? No. if you mean that as me growing up than you're sadly mistaken. I guess I should thank you though, you've pushed me to be much stronger than you'll ever know.



You probably think that I am very stupid and feel that I don't any of the actions that you've committed. But part of being intelligent is never showing all your cards, something you have yet to learn. I know exactly what you did. I am not stupid and certainly won't explain out right what you have done. I just know how this show all played out and it's funny how you feel so secure that feeling will not last.



One thing I can't stand is when I tell someone something and they don't believe me. You never once believed me about the future right? You want to know why I never told you about how things would end with you and i? It's because I wanted things to work out. You want to know what I saw? I saw the apartment much like it is now, badly decorated and a bit baren. There is a lot of things that you will never understand about me. One thing is I don't like telling the future, but I am gifted with it.



You want to know the rest? You'll be happy for a time, yes the person you're with now will show you what it is like to be immensely happy. Yet, it all comes with a cost, eventually you will hit something rough and it will to where you will have to choose. Between them and your fincial status. Let me tell you what you choose, it's finicial and guess what you end up like I always knew you would. Alone.



Don't worry you'll find someone else, but the cycle will continue. Why? Because you're a stepping stone for now. New souls tend to be used like that, only you're not smart enough to see it. Luckily everyone that has you for a moment in time are for the most part spared of a lot of heart ache.