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well this is perfect!

see it was so easy and i can get through today now. ah, thank you. so much. this is far better than how i was feeling.

I am so confused and lost. I guess I have always been truely afraid of letting people compleatly into my life because I am afraid they will leave me. This is a prime example. But its not only you, but my family is falling further apart. I am always in the middle, being torn and shredded. Now a custudy battle. I cant take this all at once. I want you but you seem to not want me to have you. I could handle all of this if I only had you. Please just talk to me. Thats all I need. I have never seriously begged someone to come back to me or not to leave me. I dont usualy have anyone there that could leave me. But I let you in, perhaps to quickly, but that doesnt change a thing. And now I am pleading out to you: Please dont leave me, Please dont be like the others. I have been hurt over and over and I think of it all of the time and when I met you, I barely knew you. Hell I dont even know your middle name now and I love you. I dont know why or how. I have always beleived in 'Love at First Sight' but it hadnt ever hit me untill you came along. I cant stand this. Please your honestly the only person I have left to speak with or think of or even feel comfertable with, if I even have you anymore.

i am far from exceptable.

but my coping process is.

i just cant think about you.

like right now my throught is closing in on a small air bubble. my ribs are slowly deteriating.

but painfully.

i wish i could fix this.

or what ever is happening.

you make think i am a stupid and ignorant little girl.

and i am.

but i also am a valuble soul.

but only at times.

times like these.

but only when it involves someone as important to me as yourself.

so piece by peice i will slowly drift away.

and i will slowly fall apart.

untill you come save me.

again.

i will be waiting.

you know i dont think i ever got the chance to thank you for ripping out my heart. but you know what, as long as your happy. you keep stepping on me and bending me. but i dont think you understand that eventualy everyone breaks.

i have been broken before. and you caught me just in time. you semi mended it. but now. now youve made it worse. this huge gaping hole flowing with sorrow and pain, you know, the one that keeps ripping into my chest. right beside the thing i gave you. ya that one. well it isnt mendable at this point. you have compleatly ruined me. how can you lie to someone so gradualy? how does it come so easy to you. and why. why did you have to practice on me. you knew what i had just been going through, and yet. that wasnt enough for you. i wont say i loved you because that would be a lie. i am far from a liar. i love you. i wont use pass tense, ever. you have deluted what honor i had left and now. theres nothing left for me. was i just an infactuation. TELL ME. damnit. the least you could do is tell me. you have left me with this hole that i clench together with my knees at night to help from bleeding from my wrist. i wanted to give you everything, i tried to offer you a life beyond which you had. and...and this is my conclution.i guess im not enough. i never was nor can i ever be. not for you.

Thanks.

Thanks alot asshole.

Either I ruined it or you did.

The least you could do is tell me.

Its not this simple.

You cant just get rid of me.

Like an old pair of jeans.

No.

I wont allow it to be that simple.

You will learn to never screw with others.

Not the way you did.

Because in the end,

Were all just chalk lines on the concrete.

Drawn only to be washed away.

And for the time that I have been given.

I am what I am motherfucker.