The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

well its been about a year since i have been able to be hear and alot in my life has changed some for good and some not so good seems i left off my journal last with alot of sucky but over the year found out i didnt have cancer had to have surgery and found out my back has alot of deteriation and arthritis through the lower back and hips yep its painfull found out i will not be able to work again and have just filed for disablility it sucks i am only 44 but i am learning to live with it.i also found out i have outher medical issues to that arnt very fun like thyroid problems that causes off the wall stuff yes i get the memory problems from it and have found that it is no fun at all .and i have some outher issues to i am just thankfull that the worst of it is my back and hips and the memory issue from thethyroid we have new puppies well not so much puppies anymore and i am a grandma now.... i love my little grandson to death...... although i dont get to see him very much i do spoil him every chance i get..... i am really loveing being a grandma.... the girls had moved there spouce / fiances in middle had moved out three months after she had baby but they might be moving back in again .. means i might get to see baby everyday until they can get back on there feet .... yeay but not looking forward to her hubby he is a lazy ass who really dosent get along with people and tends to pick fights hopefully it will go better this time... we had found out yougest daughter has kidney problems and she has had several surgerys and her two kidneys together are only functioning at 43% so she dosent even have a full functioning kidney between the two she was just told that her window for haveing kids is closeing so if she wants a baby will have to be now so shes trying .and was told shed only be able to have one.. so i might get to be a grandma again soon...she was told sometime in her young adult life she will have to have a transplant ...and the chemicals produced from the kidneys not functioning properly causes depression problems... shes 19 and has alot on her plate wich is very stressfull for her .... she has alot of ups and downs and constant infections ..it takes a toll on my husband and i . but we are always here for our kids no matter what and will always help them the best we can .house has alot of over hang from the kids but so its cluttered .. whos house is ever perfect i am trying to learn this since i cant do much anymore and well somedays things dont get done.... i am learning its no big deal although it still drives me nuts..... hubby is still working graveyard shift so hes still gone all night and sleeps allday but we still try and get a date night in once a month for just us time ... he gets weekends off but the schedules still dont seem to mesh well since i still sleep at night but i try and stay up as late as i can so we can spend time together but its hard once i take my nightly pills.... they tend to make me real tired.... we do get some morning time in before he mosies on to bed but after him working this shift now for 6 years hes looking for a day job yeay i hope he gets one soon will be alot better for us ....somedays depending on how the day goes i dont feel like talking much everybody who knows me knows that that aint like me .... on my good days and how things are going iam like myself so if you catch me on a off day were i dont feel like chatting iam sorry i am not trying to be rude or ignore anyone iam just haveing a bad day...wether it be pain issues or just dealing with the ups and downs of the kids or a combo of everything..i have alot on my plate to and am learning how to deal with it. its all anyone can do somedays for me are really overwhelming . i know nobody lives are perfect and life will never be perfect but somedays i feel like come on enough allready ..i would just like to have a little normal.. and so thats my catch up for my journal