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Let's see... a lot has happened since the last time I was regularly on VR. I went to go visit my father, and that didn't go well at all. He ODed like a week after we came home, and had to spend a bunch of time in the hospital. At the time, we all thought that he was just having his health issues reoccur, but that wasn't the case. Turns out that my father has been using crack for quite awhile now. I ended up going to into an inpatient unit for two weeks; because I was so stressed out it was making me ill.



After I got out, life was still immensely bumpy. I refuse to talk to my dad at all. And my mom and I's money issues got worse. The state took away our health care, and our food stamps, and is going to cut off my benefits after my birthday, which is the 23rd of this month (I'll be 16.)



I went back into a day treatment and was getting better until my father ended up back in the hospital for the same issues, he was passed out on the living room floor, and my brother thought he was dead.



A lot of my personal relationships have been faltering lately because I don't have much time for anyone. Almost every guy I know has been a complete dick to me. I've pretty much just given up on men.



I got out of the day treatment, and then I was supposed to start a new one. But they decided to fuck me and my mom around until my mom started having her freak-outs, and screamed at me daily, blaming her problems on me. I finally started on Wednesday of this last week, and it was HELL! The kids there are crazy, the whole time everyone was fighting, yelling, and cursing at each other. 6 kids in my last group walked out. And during the day a kid continuously picked at me for being fat and ugly.



I'd had an awful day, and it just got worse. My mother has started telling me that if my problems don't get better soon she is going to put me into a residential place. Like that's so going to make everything better, right?



I got a panic attack that night, and started freaking out, because of how crappy the day was, and that I hadn't slept for 4 days and had a horrible migraine that whole time too.



So on Thursday my mom dragged me to the hospital, demanding that they revaluate me, cause she thinks I'm crazy for something. After 6 hours they sent me home, because I'm not suicidal, and I told the doctors the truth, that I am FINE!



Then last night, I had another really rough night since I still hadn't slept. And having to deal with the hospital, since we didn't get home until late. I couldn't sleep, and all last night there were sirens going off.



I ended up cutting myself. But since I was so tired I don't really remember it. It felt like a dream. I cut up my whole are from my wrist to my elbow. I know what you're thinking... that I'm crazy or something. But it's just really hard to explain what happened.



So today I just ended up laying around the house and went over to a friends for the rest of the day. My mom just keeps reminding me that if I don't get better soon, or if I cut myself again like I did last night, she's going to place me in the hospital, and after that boot my ass off to some other facility. It just sucks cause almost all of my problems are rooted from family members. I don't know what to do really. I hope that explains how life’s been lately.



16 years old in 7 days, almost 6. *Sighs* I want thinks to get better soon... real soon.