The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The rain started sometime around 7:45 pm. It sounded like pressure, in the form of wind, then converted quickly to rain falling in lightweight drops, yet, it held a heavy energy, at the same time.

midnight
(1)12:00 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, 61% Precipitation, 100% Humidity, Wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 39/28, partly cloudy

Atmosphere - quiet, rather inactive, a cool drift, stagnant atmosphere



(2)1:00 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, 62% Preceipitation, 97% Humidity, Wind 4 mph, hi/lo - 39/28, partly cloudy

Atmosphere - quiet, inactive...



(3)2:00 am: Weather - 38 degrees F, 59% precipitation, 99% Humidity, 5 mph,

Atmosphere- Deeper, darker, quieter, sleeping, unconscious, blended in... the mirror of my thoughts



(4)3:00 am: Weather - 38 degrees F, 66% precipitation, 100% Humidity, Wind 5 mph, hi/lo - 39/28, cloudy rainy

Atmosphere - present, alert, listening



(5)4:00 am: Weather - 37 degrees F, Precipitation 56%, Humidity 93%, 0 mph, hi/lo - 39/28, rainy, overcast

Atmosphere - a vampire present, otherwise quiet



(6)5:00 am: Weather - 35 degrees F, 51% precipitation, 96% humidity, 5 mph, hi/lo - 39/28, light rain, the flat overcast blanket of clouds are electric in energy


Moonphase: 44.4% waning crescent
Moonrise: 12:10 am
Moonset: 2:29 pm

Today, the highlight of observing for me, is trying to find the moment of daylight. It is 4:19 am as I am typing this, and the sky is still a pitch black, as it is during the middle of the night... at 4:27 as I take my second glance out the window for this observation, to see the sky is “exactly the same”, yet, something about it seems just a slight bit more illuminated... one can hardly tell, and also can likely sense a blanket of light, lightening very slowly, behind the clouds. It is pitch black in the house, and no light can be perceived by a person with average sight, aside from what illumination spills through the curtains from the street lights. At 4:57 am the sky is noticeably a shade lighter. I wouldn’t consider it to be officially “daylight” yet... I would say, though, that, upon looking outside, the sky is bright enough for it to be noticeable, and provides, not so much “illumination”, but noticeable difference. Now, at 5:26 am, the lightening of the sky seems to slow in contrast to the moments of noticeable changes throughout the hour (of the allowance of light through the overcast skies), by 7:00 am it’s light out...

I am going to put, that, sometime around 7:20 am, is daylight here in the Southeast Region of Alaska... although... I had a hard time getting the exact moment, further orbservations should provide more accurate measurements... I’ll be doing my best to observe the turning of night into day... as, the second seems to change a bit by every morning in the winter.

The chill swept through the door and window, encircling me... the energetic principles of the air hugged my form, in a full, enveloping, all-encompassing caress of my vampiric existence itself... I could smell, absorb, detect every quality ... the thoughts and physical characteristics of the prana... The drifting sweep of life was dense with the element of water, likely from the recent falling rains... As I looked out, there was a low-hanging fog, moving through the neighborhood, the branches of it, like fingers reaching, under the orange glow of street lights and in the absense of light from the sky, with the tracings of darkness, in the form of black lines against the white... a natural haunting shadow ... although winter, the October tones seem to blend into November... the Fall and Winter mix, generally expressed through the
scenery until December, where everything from the evergreens, to the still and graceful air, present their theatric stance at the nearby forest’s edge in scenic beauty... as of a print on a Christmas card ... and in Alaska it is as precise as the ringing of holiday bells

The elements have been flat-calm since the late night and morning observations of Monday’s midnight chaos.

Now meditating in the dark hours of the morning ... November is a great month for meditating in the morning hours of darkness ...

The light is clear through the clouds if you’re looking up from outside, at around 6:54 am... I would not say it’s daylight yet though... inside, and behind the curtains of my front room, the house still rests in a perfect dream of black, uninterred darkness. By 7:05 am, the branches of the trees stand out against the morning light, as if they are corpse-like fingers reaching out from cemetery grounds... their edges defined in such a way...

At 7:24 I took the trash out... I felt strange about wearing sunglasses, I felt equally strange about not wearing them; being exposed to the sun and in such critical condition... I timidly stepped out into the light... afraid of pretty much everything ... as time goes by, for those of a sanguine nature, in the face of lack (lack of blood), our state worsens... my fangs become irritated, lodging back in my anatomy in all of their refusal, grabbing for my attention to the problem... my back contorts under the daylight... my nerves refuse to comply, my thought recedes in my body as I mechanically walk under the light... nearly tripping over myself ... one mechanical step after another... hoping not to alert anyone to my presence ...

It is at least “daylight” at this point... as I’m along the side of the house I notice different affects of the system my house is in... and I’m thinking to myself “It’s dark, it’s the perfect amount of light and dark, combined with solitude - for outdoor housework... “ yet the sun is not bright...
for me, the light is constricting against my forehead... even inside of the house. I experience terror for breif moments even in the daytime... and generally just attempt to move past such stressors ... which works (to move into a different frame ...) ... So... I’m trying to find the exact minute, at this time of the year, by day... that it is considered to to be actual “daylight” out...

My “guesstimate”?
-7:15 am approximately, but I’ll be meditating, daily - in the mornings of November, and observe every minute to get the exact time that can be classified as the moment of daylight... although science has its established historical recordings.... the personal observations may offer some insight to what fluctuates in detail in the natural world... of any fluctuation at all...

As I stood out under the sky ... I absorbed some bit of life from the world around me ...
...

Weather - 39 degrees F, 30% Precipitation, 100% Humidity, Wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 41/38, overcast, misted and foggy atmosphere ... dense, slightly dry....

Atmosphere - the basic description of what is written above.

Other Notes: one encounter at the gates of Hell, and I did not record the moonset/rise, or phase, constellations ... etc.

And one encounter left undocumented ... and random visitations, quiet but threatening, multiple through the night.

(Other stuff left unrecorded such as moods, beings, entities, vampires ... etc.)

All of the things I want to say:

I’m doing this for a week... since I’ve seen people do this... just uploading their thoughts for what they are ... I think it’s worth it ... my other journals are accurate ... but I like to edit everything for the artful purpose of my writing, while keeping details in for the research.

Okay well as usual I had a ton of info written... systematic issues basically happen a lot.


Alright... here goes, I’ll be uploading the 10 journal entries into this journal through the week ... I think it’s insightful ...


1. (Yells at an angel)
2. Annoyed about a glitch which happens repetitively in the system... that’s about it.
3. I’m thinking about health and vampires ... the need for health of vampires who are not in good condition... the treatment of them in the first place. I’m very concerned about the state of people who have the same kind of vampirism and circumstances I do... that was the centerpoint of thought for Wednesday the 28th.
4. Mostly, about a billion (and one) thoughts are going through my mind right now.
5. I’m thinking a lot about science today.
6. (Saturday) I’m thinking about the same topics as yesterday and the day before... I’m also thinking about work and all of the work I have.
7. I’m thinking about this name-calling stuff I’m seeing all over this website... I’m wondering - “If you have some kind of secure placement in life/existence, then why would you be resorting to name-calling?” ... It doesn’t seem sane... I am not using that as an insult ... I’m wondering why it’s on the website though...
8. I thought about health, illness, and vampires again.
9. I thought about health, illness, and vampires again.
10. I thought about health, illness, and vampires again.

(Edited/Finished)

I can’t really say alot.

WEATHER OBSERVATIONS


(1)12:16 am: Weather - 48 degrees F, 85% precipitation, Humidity 78%, Wind 13 mph, hi/lo - 49/41, heavy overcast skies and rain

Atmosphere - a thick mask of rain and clouds... a heavy and dense rain, threatening, the weather picked up loudly, stormlike, then seemed to flatline ...

One visitation from something, it made sounds at the porch I could not describe... other than being something like a soundmaking plastic toy ... ? I’m not sure what it actually was?




(2)1:21 am: Weather - 48 degrees F, Precipitation 77%, Humidity 81%, Wind 9 mph, hi/lo - cloudy, rainy

... in the middle of Alaska’s intense winter

Atmosphere - threatening, dark, the wind picked up three times ... kind of wavy in its patterns, from the earth up, in a sense... then diminishing... like electric lines on a graph...

4 visitations which were pronounced ... not always the same visitors, andom whispers throughout...


86.8% Waning Gibbous
Moonrise: 8:03 pm
Moonset: 12:30 pm

Others: Regulus and the moon...




(3)There was an abrahamic vampire of a sort for the last two nights... or it sounded to be that ... I just give my best guess based on what is expressed ... then there were a few Illuminati-type energies/entities present ...


The wind, once, twice, a distant eerie sound, ghost-like and haunting ... then a placid and frozen wall of the storm, in the distance ... the physics, isolated within a certain quantum time and space...

My best description for it.


A few voices of people not far ...
starting at 2:00 am, 5 visitations, haunting, pronounced, very “strange”, one knock near the door, a few more voices, one shadow, cloaked, drifted by in the living room, then a slight creaking noise in the house, near the back of the house, as if lifting a latch in the house somewhere - here or in another time...

(I think they want their attendance to be made known... or something like that ... )

Then, a distant static of the elements... like fingers picking up the energies, elements ... a raising of the storm, in a sense.


silent (2:14 am)

one voice, at the window, in a whisper ... strange, difficult to describe the voices... they are usually paired with the weather. One well-known phenomenon in Alaska is the Auditory phenomenon, unexplained noises, either fragments of words on a certain level, or something which is like clapping noises, some sounds are described as bending at a certain level... caused by energetic particles which create the aurora borealis ... (geomagnetic disturbance...)

2:26 am, loud winds, roaring ...

(4)2:38 am: Weather - 48 degrees F, Precipitation 51 %, Humidity 78%, Wind 15 mph, hi/lo - 49/41, heavy rain and clouds.

Atmosphere - the same general fluctuations throughout the night on nights like this

(5) 3:38 am: Weather - 47 degrees F, Precipitation 71 %, Humidity 88 %, Wind 9 mph, hi/lo - 49/41, cloudy, rainy, storming off and on

Atmosphere - somewhat storming ... moreso

The wind was moving through the house... like a touch to my face, hands, and arm....



(6)4:38 am: Weather - 48 degrees F, Precipitation 85%, Humidity 81%, Wind 15 mph, hi/lo - 50/41, less rain, still the basic forecast

Atmosphere - quieter now...



(7)5:37 am: Weather - 48 degrees F, Precipitation 60%, Humidity 84%, Wind 12 mph, cloudy, rainy, hi/lo - 50/41

Atmosphere - windy, rainy, quiet atmosphere, warmer



(8)6:58: Weather - 48 degrees F, 83% Precipitation, Humidity 98%, Wind 9 mph, hi/lo - 49/41, cloudy, rainy

Atmosphere - quiet for the most part, sleeping kind of

I woke up at 4:56 am, feeling as if I am less than a rock on the surface of a beach. It happens from time to time... I just feel... wierd... most commonly I feel like a drained, thirsty, weak vampire, with a lot of potential and only obstacles in the way of my path... I rarely feel as if I’m anything less than a form of vampiric immortality ... as I said though... it happens sometimes... I just feel stripped of my existence in a sense... or so completely tired I would rather die... I don’t really sleep, naturally, I was blessed when I was a child with the gift to be able to sleep... the affect that not sleeping has on a mind which still dwells in this reality... can be detrimental ...

The only other thing I’m thinking about is that I need to get my schedule back on track, I still have some work for the daylight hours, though, so while I’m awake I will have a few daylight observations, adding to the detail to the full list of observations.

(1)4:17 am: Weather - 45 degrees F, 10% Precipitation, 81% Humidity, Wind 4 mph, heavy, grey clouds, overcast, rain

Atmosphere - The forecast is pretty accurate, it feels kind of warm and dry for a winter morning, with less precipitation and humidity, higher temp and cloud cover.. I’d say the atmosphere fits the basic reading perfectly


Others: A quiet energy seems to light up the universe, in an ambient form of silence. From a distance, the beam-like shafts illuminate the darkness of physics, the energetic light, much like the pearl tones of the moon. The energy is very celestial, sentient, universal, brightening, yet with the undertones of the same magnetic pull of a vampire.

The planet Jupiter is in conjunction today, as it passes behind the sun.

Moon Rise: 6:55 pm
Moonset Time: 11:33 am,
92.9 % illuminated, Third Quarter Moon, waning gibbous.


(one extra observation for the 24th of Nov. - 2018)
6:45 pm: Weather - 42 degrees F, Precipitation 79%, Humidity 83%, Wind 4 mph, hi/lo - 43/41 overcast, rain in the forecast, it sounds silent though

Atmosphere - still, quiet, sad, distant

(journals still need editing through and through ... titles, grammar, layout for some, I’ll probably have them edited by next Friday.)

...it’s the sabbath, I don’t do anything really on the sabbath.

I’m thinking about all of the things which convert the peace of my mind into an unmanageable chaos..... like the injustice of ... so many things that are happening right now ...

a hindu concept I’d say ... the type of injustice I’m referring to

unavoidable truths are contained within...

i am not exactly what one could call “religious”... it’s complicated... i suppose it’s safe to say many of my beliefs go hand in hand with what many Christians beleive... that is too complex of a concept though for many people ... some of the followers are either fake or mislead, on the other hand, many people who will not set foot on the path of christianity find their logic in places of sound mind, yet - they have yet to understand or know (possibly), that the teachings of Christ are likely compatible with the thoughts of a sound mind... Finally, can a person on the internet actually inform anyone accurately when a single sentence can be mis-read and misplaced incorrectly... ? Is it true that what I write will be read in the way i intend?
who knows...

What bothers me is the idea that male supremacy has any solid grounds in Christianity. Men who use scripture to place over society the idea that they are superior, or that women are for their purpose...
the idea that it holds any logic, anywhere, other than being the fulfillment of prophecy about the fall of man... is laughable at best

When people hate upon my beliefs because they misunderstand what I actually beleive due to a parasitic agenda; the organized path of people who walk after their sin and make the carnal choice to live in their wickedness, carelessly and consciously misusing the message of Christ by crucifying Jesus to themself, repeatedly, for their wicked plans... “Do they even seek god?”

I’ve had women ask me - “What the hell is wrong with you, Jesus was a man, what exactly do you think they are trying to say... they were pointing out the male supremacist **** that you have to get with to go to heaven.” And I thought, really, her point about corruption is true... I simply feel I understand the actual truth... the actual message of god, divinity, creation, and the truth about the christening, whatever insane version of reality a person lives within... it is not of divine creation... it is not, then, the truth. It might be true a bunch of people beleive it... maybe there are many fakes who are self-proclaimed christs and self-proclaimed god’s... and it’s true, they are as she says... it’s the opposite unavoidable truths, though, that make evident the knowledge equivocal to their ideas...

I’ve heard men laugh at my interpretation of scripture, that it’s anything other than a doctrine to service men... I’ve heard it all. None of it really has any solid basis in anything...

I wouldn’t say I’m judging really, because I’ve had experiences which are no less profound than visions...

The above subjects are too complicated in contrast to the task of simply making sense of them... there is no unavoidable truth that exists which is in any way easy to interpret... I have an in-depth understanding of Hinduism and Christianity... Christianity seems to include Hinduism... Hinduism seems to be Primitive Christianity.... Christianity is not that simple, you cannot simply accept Hinduism, as a Christian...

Truth, seems to make sense of itself, then contradicting itself for the same purposes... which seems to be the completion and immortality of everything in existence, or whatever placement it has ...

Still, can it simply be accepted and embraced?

Nothing is that simple.

Only one observation today

5:47 am: Weather - 32 degrees F, 0 % Precipitation, 95 % Humidity, Wind 1 mph, overcast, rain (none currently - just in the forecast) 41/32 - hi/lo, the light was visible through the clouds, the announcement of the arrival of winter rang through the morning - like the sounding of a horn from a distance, long, drawn out, official... one glance outside this morning offered the scenery of historical Russian Settlements of Alaska... both the sounds and the appearance of structures, with their metallic trim... Every day is different in Alaska, each observation of the elements, scenery and constellations has a different and unique character.

Atmosphere - Quiet, Solemn, Dark

Others: Today is the first visible frost of our year, generally today and the next three is great for picking cranberries and caring for the local bogs they grow in. The study of winter evergreen forests is a very peaceful activity from now until the crystalline and snow-capped core of winter; January.

The moonset time on the chart reads 10:22 am. 98% illuminated. One elf made their presence known, they said “Hii.!”. We are in the “Spectral” month of the annual Lunar cycle, as observed and appropriately titled ...

10:55 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, Precipitation 24%, Humidity 92%, Wind 4 mph, overcast skies, hi/lo - 39/32 ... (grey, a medium kind of overcast, not too dark, dense or low in the environment), rainy... the sky is rather bright for November...

Atmosphere - Quiet, Close...



11:38 am: Weather - 38 degrees F, Precipitation 0%, Humidity 93%, Wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 40/32, partly cloudy, the sun is shining through the clouds

Atmosphere - brighter, warmer, a bit “happier” out



12:38 pm: Weather - 39 degrees F, Precipitation 1 %, Humidity 92%, Wind 3 mph, partly cloudy, hi/lo - 40/32

Bright light, with a misty environment, warm, happy, something of a summer energy



1:38 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, 0 % Precipitation, Humidity 77%, Wind 4 mph, hi/lo - 39/29, the website says sunny, it’s getting dimmer though... still overcast, the sun was very bright though.

Atmosphere - darkened, sadder ...



2:38pm: Weather - 40 degrees F, Precipitation 0%, Humidity 87%, Wind 0 mph, hi/low - 42/32, overcast, dark, sad

Atmosphere - Plain, Simple, Quiet



3:38 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, Humidity 87%, Wind 4 mph, 40/32 - hi/lo, partly cloudy, the sky is beginning to dim

Atmosphere - threatening



4:38 pm: Weather - 38 degrees F, Precipitation 0%, Humidity 94%, Wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 40/32

Atmosphere - quiet, sleeping, peaceful, warm, conducive to “embrace”




5:38 pm: Weather - 36 degrees F, Precipitation 0 %, Humidity 96 %, Wind 4 mph, hi/lo - 40/32, partly cloudy

Atmosphere - cold, dark, quiet, distant

(needs editing, I’ll edit these soon, there is likely 3-5 days of journals which I need to go through and edit)

7:39 am: 38 degrees F, 3 % Precipitation, 96 % Humidity, Wind 3 mph, hi/lo - 39/32 degrees, partly cloudy

Atmosphere - it’s damp out... a bit brighter than usual mornings with similar conditions... the damp hang in the air and clouds is also a bit more obvious... it presents a hug... the previous night seemed colder throughout.

Energy Level and other Vampiric Notes: Nothing all too notable, I had a headache so terrible I could only think of apocalyptic events and how much I wish this nonsense could be over (I’m referring to the increasingly unfortunate events of the past 15 years), my energy levels are not too bad... I mean on one hand I’m tired, stressed... but my actual energy level... I’m somewhat awake, at least, is what I’m saying.

I don’t usually record too much personal information or else I would write much more about some noteworthy things happening in the average vampire’s world...


Journal entry:

I was thinking a lot about winter, isolation, the conditions of the mind in an Alaskan winter... there was a book on my shelf I’ve been meaning to read... it’s about schizophrenia, one topic I’ve researched and know quite a bit about... The connection, I feel, that schizophrenic individuals have with vampirism - is an undeniable one... although it is also a subject too sensitive to address in that manner. I was reading the following, when the same noticeable characteristics of schizophrenia (the passage is about one’s ties to schizophrenia through her mother’s illness, and describes her encounter with a certain habit that her mother had) jumped out at me, and the typical awareness I have of everything, how it all ties in, interconnected, spoke, by these obvious traits...

“... and sit us down on the side of a busy street and count trucks for hours on end. And write down the names of the trucks that went by.” Page 305, Surviving Schozophrenia, E. Fuller Torrey, M.D.

I wrote my thoughts, after this, about the connection, as they frequently arise in my research.

“...If you had hundreds of people in a square block to record such details... the cars passing by, how many people walk up and down the street, all strange movements in the sky, the constellations, the sunrise and sunset times, temps, the spiritual phenomenons, every sound of nature... and more) you would have so much detailed information to refer to, if you were a vampire like myself... and there’s quite a few of us... and then quite a few more... So I feel these “schizophrenic” intents (sometimes, not all events that have found themself in the realm of schizophrenia) have more to do with being under the influence of a major vampire, or a being not so different; if I were an all-powerful vampire who lacked no control over the greater existence... I would be looking to find the records of such research... So I just wonder, where they got the idea to fill the gaps in information... I am already thinking to myself... a long list, if not pages, of questions I would ask every single schizophrenic individual on the planet... the type of addition to research that the answers to these questions would provide... is likely altering in the area of conclusions.

Where does the typically labeled “schizophrenic” find the idea to partake in the study of an isolated detail such as a constant line of cars in traffic, of a certain street...

For a vampire like me, the desire to obtain, record, and collect the information starts with an important question, surfacing in my inquisitive mind, and based upon the full storage of information I have about the entire existence, at a glance, as a whole.

I’ll list two examples:

As I was watching a recording about a paranormal happening in Connecticut... I kept thinking about how I personally would travel, possibly even accross the country on foot... just to find certain details of the case... The questions were: “Did the family have a history of any kind of financial debt... “ but even more, “Was the male “head” of the household, the only provider of income for the family.” ... and, “Was there any hostility due to one worker, and three-four recipients of the benefit?” I was wondering if, within the household, was there a clashing of minds which was causing possession, not demonic possession which seemed to just happen out of nowhere. It was notable to me that one child was under what appeared to be a severe case of demonic possession... it was at least a severe case of partial possession... I noticed that the few questions my mind had been spitting out as I viewed the recordings seemed to be reiterated in the same form and character that my mind was uncontrollably demanding ...

The recording, I beleive, was in the sixties... yet the questions of this modern-day person in 2017-2018, me, were being asked... I had the odd feeling that if there was any debt associated with the children... that I had something to do with the entire situation and all of the details, such as research, laws, etc.


Another example, I was looking through the historical records in my town, when I came accross a girl which stood out to me, for reasons I will not share..

Basically, there was a detail in information I wanted to find which the yearbook of her graduation year might provide...

I perceived many things about her, that she was someone I knew, that she was a vampire, that she had been persecuted, that she was “different”... Interestingly enough the yearbook of her grad. year is missing... I later found that her death is unknown. Nine times out of ten what I perceive has some evidence in the world of what is recorded... even if it’s not enough evidence, the details somehow almost always fit with what I know.

Later on in my life, with research, it was true... I would look for temperatures, the names of the occupants in certain areas.. but entire, complete, fluent, consistent lists of information..

It was clear to me that one entire collection of information on an entire existence, well-documented and measured in a sense... is indicative, in the greater sciences.

So, if the vampire’s mind can inquire information everywhere, via methods such as this... then where does the desire within schizophrenia, for such recordings, begin ... I just wonder if their ideas that they should record such details are produced by a vampire, and somehow contorted somewhere into something which can be easily labeled as a delusion... when really, someone wants information...

November 21st, 2018, S.E. Alaska
6:45 am, the light was an electric blanket of blue, dull and thin above the white/grey clouds, the white and grey blending into one another as a watercolor painting. Only just then visible through the clouds... It wasn’t until about 10 minutes later that it would be noticeable that it was daylight out.

So I missed about four hours of recording... I was scrubbing, baking, organizing and tons of other things... now it is 10:05 am here in the Southeast Region of Alaska... just as I was standing in my kitchen putting the last few trays in the oven, the sun lit up the curtains... in a second the room was filled with the golden hue...

My observations from the previous night until now were average in comparison to the rest of my observations for the past few weeks. My most notable observation in the darkness between the 19th and 20th of November 2018;

There was something of a warm, glowing, bright, hugging warmth in the atmosphere through the central darkness of the 24 hr period.


In the morning though, as I peered through the curtains into what I can only describe as a grey death, the surroundings haunted me... all too similar to the historical photography of GULAG, the same concentration-camp feeling of Auschwitz... something of the scenic glimpse out the window was similar to a Russian town even...

Here are the rest of my observations for the 20th of November, 2018:

10:38 am: Weather - 39 degrees F, 100 % Humidity, wind 3 mph, Grey Overcast, the sun is a golden bright light though the clouds though, illuminating the front room.

Atmosphere - quiet, listening

Energectics - rather flat-calm, dead even, in a sense... from where I’m at... everything feels as dry as a dusty summer afternoon.

I have so much to do right now and was busy all through the morning with chores, so there is only two observations for the 21st of November.

I woke up late in the night, so tired lately... yet I felt better than most days. My emotional energy was boosted, unlike a typical “morning”. My blood need right now is waaay up there. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t experiencing a thirst I cannot even describe... with its intensity. It has grown over the years... I think about brighter and more positive things to distract myself... averting my mind... not focusing on it... I still think, medically, being a vampire is a problem... yet... something more in other ways, possibly. I have a bit more energy today... it’s like that though... I’ve lied, marinated, in my veins and in the dark, long enough... but internally within the metaphysics of what I am there is this black endless pit, a deep thirst for life, i could guzzle the finest life, fresh from the veins of my favorites - but right now, how i feel, this internal void, it tells me... there is never going to be “enough”, and yet... I’m fully aware, it would only take so many drops per donation, so many donations in a month, and only so many months containing meetings with a donor, in a year, for me to be in what is considered to be standard, or “fair” condition, for a vampire...

Basically, the pit would close, for at least a few days.

As I said, I woke up with noticeably more energy than most days... energy of a certain type... as if, I am okay, happy with myself. At the same time, I feel gaunt, empty, yet too fast and powerful... I mean, I suppose it’s no different than a car whose tank is on empty. Am I even human? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t prefer to be understood as a machine with a purpose, as terribly pointless as it may seem... I feel as if I’m more than a machine... but where that is in ones existence is not likely to make sense to anyone but the individual, or individuals just like them. For example, very few people would understand how satiating a reliable science would be to me. I’m just not like other people.

Only one weather observation for this past day... a lot of issues are hitting home right now... I’m very tired ... There’s been some terrible stuff happening in the past 5 - 10 years... and a lot worsening... I’m in the deepest of these problems currently. I have been cleaning house for a few days now but I need some rest and “away” time before I’ll be in the full “swing” of things .. Soon I likely will be.


(1) 12:59 am: Weather - 46 degrees F, Precipitation 94 %, Humidity 87 %, Wind 1 mph, rainy, overcast, hi/lo - 47/37

Atmosphere - quiet, dense.... activity - a lot of activity earlier (around 8 pm)... noises at the door... a few disturbances...
multiple strange sightings in the past 48 hours... and I’ve heard a few things...

- mostly, it’s been the same basic weather pattern... A cloud cover which is pretty low in the sky, very dense, a lot of moisture ... and not able to see beyond it currently... so the stars and moon, recently, whatever I’ve written, that is only what I can find on the charts or other websites about the phases and constellations.

I feel awake, in a sense, drifting into the golden light of heaven... I feel asleep, like beauty, under a heavy blanket of snow. I feel insane, yet reasonably, perfectly fine.

I’m truly depressed though, in this world - what it contains... the morbid truths of history and what I can determine about the state of everything in any stretch of time.

I’m trying to find her, anywhere... but isolated by these unavoidable truths we are.

I feel like a monster ... I can’t take back what I’ve said... I can’t take qualities of myself off, or erase them as one would a pencil line; I can’t delete the qualities of my mind... the survival of an unchanging existence... when there is no death... hanging over the treacherous valleys of the future’s hell by a thread is your only option...

I feel so much hate to exist. I feel so much love.

This is a twisted, contorted state to find myself in. I want to be close with her. Hold hands... sleep and breathe together...

Opening the doors to my world, after everything that has happened... is like saying...

“There is no solid ground... “ The Earth beneath us, the air around you... it is not true that it will always necessarily remain an x variable, untouched, unmanipulated. Inviting someone into my real life... is like exposing them to a living nightmare... I cannot just “control”... on any level. I cannot stop any given person from being monstrous either...

Not being able to hold this person close while everything is so unavoidably destructive and wrong - is more than just torture.


I also can’t live a lie ... being something I’m not ... Once, I was nothing but a vampire. Now I have experienced fate.

(1) 12:38 am: Weather - 46 degrees F, 0% precipitation, 95% Humidity, wind 4 mph, misty rain, a full, sheer black cloud cover...

Atmosphere - cold, sharper energies... the stream nearby sounds like rushing waterfalls... less fear tonight. The feel of the atmospheric view has a liquid quality to it.

(2) 1:38 am: Weather - 45 degrees F, Precipitation 0%, Humidity 99%, wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 48/44, misted rain

Atmosphere - same as at 12:38

(3) 2:38 am: Weather - 46 degrees F, 0 % precipitation, 93 % Humidity, wind 0 mph, misty rain

Atmosphere - just a slight bit more silence

Moonset: 3:39 am

Others: Orion is in full view by 9 or 10 pm, his three-star belt, stands straight up in the east, Orion’s brightest stars are on the side of the belt, somewhat paralell to the horizon as they rise. The stars are not visible tonight, for comparison and recording purposes I list the constellations over the years ... along with any unique or rare movements in the celestial bodies.

(4) 3:38 am: - Weather 46 degrees F, 0 % precipitation, 95% Humidity, Wind 6 mph, no rain, Overcast, a mist in the air.

Atmosphere - Everything is very still

I was going to say “0 visitations tonight, very quiet” ... then there was 1... very announced, at the doorstep 💡.

3 am - craft overhead, sounds are somewhat low to the cloud cover... some other noise in between and closer to the house, as the sound of the craft disappears for a moment, then reappears... I’m familiar with energies and types of phenomena ...

(5) 5:11 am: Weather - 44 degrees F, 0 % precipitation, 96% Humidity, wind 0 mph, hi/lo - 48/44, rainy

Atmosphere - quiet

I am so .... glad.... I do not suffer ... from delusions ... of ... “I am so pretty, and this means something.” I can’t stand people who think like snobs... as if they are in any way more entitled to respect than the least of all people’s. Get over yourself, it is beyond pathetic to hold yourself in such high regards in comparison to whoever you like to imagine is in any way less amazing than you. The concept is purely the fiction of grotesque self-centered daydreaming... consider being authentic for a moment ... authentic meaning, that which you actually are, not artificial ideas you purchase, like plastic, from a shelf of assembly-line factory items.

A bored night... not much happening here... I want to write, there’s not a lot of words to describe what I experience... my thoughts are too fast for me to catch, and on ... and on. I live in a seemingly plain reality, filled what what is anything other than “plain”.
I would write it, but it’s been written before... although it is magnetic, beautiful... I think it can be stowed away for now. I’m struggling a lot with my house... I hate the circumstsnces... and yet... I don’t really want to leave the important points behind. Stressful.

I suppose, since I won’t be posting some beautiful Sophian writing tonight, it is not such a bad evening for recollection... of the events of the past 10 years. It is subject matter more along the lines of “Abrahamic”, or similarly themed...



“I used to get sick all the time. The same illnesses would strike seasonally, if not on a weekly basis, sometimes other illness along with it... when I was sixteen I awakened abruptly on a November night, not too distant from this one... I think it may have been November 10th or 11th. I was isolated, remote, stuck in a different house which my father owned. Most get the idea of how awakening goes for vampires with a blood need... It was only a matter of time before a blood donation was an absolute must... I was 14 I think on the night I awakened, and 16 for my first donation.

It was about two years before I got sick again... and the same illness was unrelenting, not only this but the illness was amplified... as amplified as my previously abundant health of the previous 3 years. The unhealth struck in the forms of bronchitis, strep throat, bacterial infections, the eyes, ears ... honestly the list goes on and it was one strike after another. It occurred to me that blood drinking was not the answer it was a staple, and that the illnesses which I hadn’t been fully healed from would amplify in correspondence with my vampirism... medicine, herbs, diets, tons of water... yet it was not working. I was raised Christian and knew the scripture... it says to not care for the things of this world... that is a difficult task for a vampire like me, being primarily a physical vampire, with blood as vitality, and all of my qualities, we have the tendency to lean towards achievement, rule... We do not take easily to bodily failure, loss, or “the end”. The illness was taking over my body though, and at a vampiric pace... I gave up... assuming I’d be dead, or something... I woke up 14 days later, and the illness seemed to have washed through my system then fell back in the same tidal movements, retreating. I could see following scripture was the answer... and with that one thing lead to another.
Now, in 2018, I’ve learned the nature of being submissive when science, health, and vampirism are concerned. On one hand we’re to not care... on the other hand, to be submissive is sometimes dealing with a problem because it creates an unbearable amount of stress on the mind or body... sometimes equating to torture. I do not beleive science is god... but I beleive it all goes hand in hand. I started trying herbs for ailments I had, although I could choose not to care, sometimes, something like insomnia or other health issues is too much depression to accept... it seems that the herbs I took would lie dormant in my system, then, they, being constituents, would move out, and eliminate illness. I’m not sure entirely how it works. Last winter an infection miraculously disappeared after prayer, and giving up on attempting to rid myself of it. At one point, a mold was growing on a wall... I was freaking out about it, and on a vampiric level... trying to control it, force it away with my mind, throw it off in a sense, of course... that is just not that simple given all the details of everything within a system. One day, after giving up, I went back into the room and it was gone... I hate the struggle, the back and forth nature of problems, and the fact that I cannot have control and eliminate all of the issues of this world myself. Still, I’ve seen miracles in my life ... I think I died, or, close to died in the past three years... although I’ve died many times and come back, in this instance, it was more like a transformation... I stopped breathing, as I was burning, combustion beginning... so I just sunk, deciding on the descent into hell rather than flying out...

Although it might sound mundane...

‘I would rather die in strength... stay what I am, as I am ... for what it is ...’ was the last thought I had before it happened. I passed through then, at full turn - in this state, I was black, as kore, with no breath, I felt, as if stone. I’ve witnessed how science works... it’s rather fascinating. I’ve not much else to say except that everything happens for a reason... There is a design, intent, purpose for everything. Usually it only takes so much time for the obvious design to be seen. I’m glad I’ve learned about how not everything is as simple as it may seem... a persons depression, it might equate to accurate placement for them... I know who I belong with because of the hell i’ve experienced. Being stuck in a wierd system could be training a person would never be aware of. While passing through the veil into different realms, a person might find truth about beings and entities which exist around them that they did not know of, previously... until they see these beings at present.

Right now... I’m in the same undertow of problems though... all-too aware of the multiple forces within a system around me.

Angels, vampires, artistic minds which deserve their birth, sanctity and right... a need for change in some areas of severe unhealth in the environment/atmosphere ... the detailed science speaks to me on a molecular level...

Submission, Fail, Succeed, Fall ...

Magic, Myth, Tradition...

Repetition. “

(Still editing ... )

If anyone is wondering why I’m logging weather Journals online: weather observations make a great reference when using science to make connections in the natural world, having a reference to such detailed information is generally useful... I personally have found detailed recordings such as these to be very helpful in the long run. I check the weather by the hour from evening until morning if I can. My other journals will be here also; poetry, personal writings, sometimes art or photography, or possibly articles/links to videos will be added.

5:00 am & 8:10 am, last two observations for today, I had a busy and stressful morning... I’ll be attempting to make these journals more organized and complete.

44 degrees F, 84% Precipitation, 99 % Humidity, Wind 3 mph, hi/lo 48/44, rainy, overcast, silent...
by 5:22 am I can see the very faint bit of Blue Light coming through the cloud cover, it’s distant and barely visible but the clouds are brighter in the distance, just a touch. At 5:38 am somehow it’s darker again, the clouds blacker... the light through the windows is very evident by 7:18 am as long as the lights are off. So clearly there is some activity and movement in the atmosphere throughout every night and into morning - this particular night had a lot of cloud movement... idk how to explain it, it’s like the molecules are faster sometimes...
One vampire walked by and was very obvious, probably exactly one level above me... as usual, didn’t have completely human energy - as none of us do... but this one had blends of energies which were non-human... guardian demon, Apollyon, locust from Apollyon, Sophian (just a slight bit), Dracula/Draculesti, king-like... he moved from the power level he was on, then to mine, exercising power and dominance over me... and then appeared to be a normal person again... I did not appreciate it, the only way I am letting that go is if it is not a theft what he managed to do there, or if it had to do with keeping normalcy and whatnot ... I cannot think of the accurate descriptive words for it to be honest.

8:11 am, the temp is one 1 degree more- 45 degrees F, Precipitation 72 %, Humidity 100 %, winds 5 mph, rainy, overcast... a very slight fluctuation through the night and a pretty warm night.

Approximately 8 visitations, 1 of them more pronounced... seemed possibly abusive.

(1)Weather - 44 degrees F, Precipitation 62%, Humidity 100%, Wind 5 mph, Heavy, Grey, Wet clouds, overcast, rain, hi/lo - 48/44

A silent, non-activity... one presence near. The wind touched down once or twice, lightly, in the past two hours. Very quiet. Not a lot happening. Some physical movement around, slight, vampiric.

Others: The moon rises at 3:38, a waxing gibbous, 68% illuminated... pm... 2:24 AM is the moonset.

1:55- 1:57 started noticing loud car noises in the distance, like a car speeding.

(2-moonset)2:24 am - 2:38 am (same weather)
Weather - 44 degrees F, precipitation 80%, Humidity 100%, wind 5 mph...

Really very little change, the darkness seems to hang, heavier again, a step outside revealed zombie-like energies... a threat at the door, more powerful than usual.
I could not see the moon through the dense, and somewhat low cloud cover. A warm environment and atmosphere for a Mid-November night.

Highlighting the stars and constellations:
Aries soars high accross the sky in late evening, Hamal, its brightest star, and Sheratan, it’s second brightest. Current cloud cover on our island.

I’m sad... kinda. That’s typical for a sanguine vampire which cannot obtain a regular donor, or get a solid schedule to work. There were four kids who knocked on my door this morning with their mother... idk what it was about. I just looked out a few moments later... then they were walking down the street... the nature of certain occurances in the neighborhood is strange though... they seemed to be a normal group of kids with their mother... Maybe it is something else which I cannot effectively describe that causes normal events to seem abnormal, my sense of hearing perhaps? Maybe it’s confusing to me on an auditory level... that seems to happen a lot.

I just feel isolated... inable to communicate with certain people, regardless of how much I attempt to reach out to my soulmate I met in another S.E. town of Alaska. I feel my rights have been taken, and more... it’s hard to explain. It’s been going on for years now. I write stuff, about my soulmate, and hoping I’ll reach them with my words... but it seems we are separated from one another. I would share the entries... but it’s a bit too personal, and I would probably only share them so that my other half could read them... it doesn’t seem we’re able to connect. I think they might be isolated too... unable to connect to the internet or use a phone... Or someone else is breaking our connection and separating us on purpose... which I personally feel has happened. I wonder if the people behind that “activity” know what it is to be stuck this way... to be separated from your life’s purpose, or kept from existing as you naturally would. I think one day they will have to face a life like that... All people will understand what it is to be the less fortunate one. I know all-too well that what goes around comes around. I’ve seen it happen. Well, I cannot share certain detailed journals... There is too much pressure to exploit in this world... giving those who pressure for such personal accounts is accepting that it is the power... So I will only say I hope they can perceive my thoughts and love from a distance... and that they find my writing, which is for them. I would both live and die for them...

Here is a part of an excerpt from some writing I can share, it’s fictional/fantasy, and not too personal, I have one more edit for it - I’ll have to fix it later:

“Of course, though...
nothing could

tame
depth
knowing,

overwhelming soul...

never-ending forms;
fire, water, earth and air.

(*******)

“immortal”;
pure intentions

of light and dark.”

My teeth, sharp as the black ice which plates the freezing midnight streets, graze her soft flesh, kissing the nape of her neck... provocatively. The scent of life in her cool tears fall to my lips, the pace of her heart picks up... her veins blush an irresistible crimson. I find myself entranced, my state: hypnotic, intent ... I sink my teeth into the perfect angle of her neck, awakening us both to the cut and dry death, before either of us are lost to the madness.”

It’s definitely, in part, written for artistic purpose... I laugh though... it never comes off the way I meant for it to... my character and hers is not quite reiterated properly... oh well.. maybe it’s a fun read.

I’m in the dark, it’s so calming. Free from the stress of a man looking at me.
I love the darkness.

alone
with myself.

A dark gaze upon me, cast by myself.

I tell this other me my secrets.

“... if you ever sink into the dead of night you might be able to find me through the shadow ... “

I move through the nonphysical...

wherever I am, I am

as a vampire.


“Sshhh.” I whisper.

our secrets
“you can feel me if the night is on your skin.”

I’m there.

I remember the pain.

I think about you every night...
and I mean it.

I do not forget. You are never less.



(Ssh.)

(Extra notes -now Saturday, 12:31 am... I think I looked out at 12:10 approximately:

Weather - 39 degrees F, Precipitation 71 %, Humidity 94%, wind 1 mph, (hi-lo 39-38), cloudy... the internet says rainy.. I’m not getting any rain though...

Atmosphere - I feel at home within myself, away from this world, the atmosphere seems quiet, collapsed even... sleeping.

Energetics - the similar life-force filled mist from the other night is present again, cold, dense, it feels packed with pranic energy... The magnetism is different... the two points, sharper in contrast to eachother ... difficult to explain.)

Others: We are now in Waxing Gibbous, the moon is over 50% illuminated.

- A right triangle decorating Perseus and Andromeda (they are high in the east and northeast as darkness falls), Almach, Andromeda’s third brightest star, marks the top of the triangle... Algol below it, and Mirfak to the left.
- I looked outside for a moment, very dark, a lot of fear at the door, I did not want to look out... it always occurs to me, who lives nearby... I heard another voice of another “notorious” individual... I’m aware of at least 10 people in this town who have too many similarities with faces of the past - of people, who lived on the dark side... Someone was cooking nearby, the scent appeared blue, and smelled of meat... possibly that was the extra prana in the air - I’m not really sure. I can smell the same woodstove burning, in some moments it smells like smoked and cured wood... “hickory” or something, other moments it’s like a kitchen. So many details remind me of previous years of the territory, a movement in the forest accross the street, a smaller, quieter voice on the side of the house. The rain is falling, it’s a dense rain, the area seems soaked, drenched in the rain water. A haunt is present, close, hovering. I can’t see the Stars, we’re rather closed in, the bodies are closer than usual, lower to the earth, within the cloud cover the same spirits speak... but darker, closer... with expressions unlike their usual.

This is about the vampire that shows up in my house a lot ... He has some issues... a lot of inability to change or understand ... I don’t really care but he either pretends to be Jesus sometimes ... or there’s some mix-up or dilemma - this is a journal entry of my thoughts regarding the typical scenario that the vampire - or some clone of them, interferes, with the projection that they are ACTUALLY Jesus (someone has very little respect for the dead... ).

I’m thinking about Jesus tonight. What if Jesus came out of nowhere and was super hot and he was trying to tell you to stop doing something ... or you yelled and got pissed and Jesus was like “Hey... stop.”... but he was sooo hot so you just like threw yourself at him and you could do NOTHING about it...

so , “I DON’T F****ING LIKE YOU.”

(in general... but especially being what I am, in all truth, I just live with all of this nonsense, and all of it will die... )

But you just like tripped over yourself during the process of trying to defend yourself - like a pointless ... “female”.

And still, Jesus... he laughs at you because he too, is a pointless ...
“male”.

The blatant points ... and yet, you would find ... it doesn’t really work that way. Unless of course you wanted it to, and that was your relationship with Jesus.

For me though... that just is not Jesus... that may not be how it is.

So, I will tell you, in response to
“What if?”... and it is... parasites actually are involved when facing this subject ... and that no one is allowed to have that kind of power in a god-like position, because it is destructive to your path... Did anyone ever receive some kind of message that they’re incapable of being anything? Incapable of making an impact?

For example: you have a plan to do great things, and you feel you’re told by the “masters” or whatever, that it’s a bad idea... that you should not do it... yet everything about this idea you have attests to god... it just means these are people, or beings, they affect you negatively, and they are not god. According to the full meaning of scripture, Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light... which means - Jesus lives with every bright idea, when you feel encouraged to become something it is Jesus which brings about the path, and guides you. It says in scripture Jesus, and God, the spirit, they themselves do not communicate with us... and it is because of these people, and the confusion, that they do not speak or interfere in any obvious way. I struggle though with this particular vampire... I feel a vampire should not be entitled to this kind of power. They do not have respect for my existence... I am in a serious relationship with a woman who lives in a different town completely... and in general this male attack would have no affect on me... I just wonder, who exactly feeds people like this and makes them more powerful?
The choice I make occasionally to blend or fit with wierd people is initiated by an attack I cannot deal with and I would run but there are thousands of others stuck like I am, I do not want to abandon...
Vampires that attack in such ways will not live forever ...

Personally I think this person needs to take a walk, a hike, something, and think about how every person is something, not to be used.

I don’t really even care to go on about the subject of this vampire, most people, if they lived my life, would understand what I’m trying to explain here, it’s much more complex than a simple encounter with another person...

We actually originate from two very separate realities ...

I’m sure they will pay for their bad choices... as no choice is a small one, every decision has an impact.

People with parasitic problems who don’t care to continually remind themself that it is only a parasitic world we live in and thus everything is like that ... and that there needs to be a system adequate of going through to heal oneself... cannot have godly power over people... they will fail, die... possibly, even, they were not covered by god so that they could 1. exist on their own, for who they are, while 2. having no affect on anyone or anything...

It’s difficult to explain ... I am more advanced than this... I would never make the mistake of interfering in such a work place... I’m not attempting to make a rude comparison, I’m just saying, for the purpose of reconstruction and advancement, that this isn’t really adequate... it’s been rather destructive... whatever though, my nature is above it, I’m simply stuck in it for now. These beings will have to change and learn... and scripture indicates change will take place ... It’s always possible this is a Luciferian veil issue also, where something else surfaces through the fabric of reality, and the person isn’t even involved in the interference... I would not be surprised if that were the case.

I am being laid-back for now, I’m still going to finish my work this fall, the incidents of the past decade or so, though... have been very heavy on my mind... so I’m sure I’ll be tripping over everything and everyone along the way... I’m getting some sleep over the weekend, then hoping to get through all of the harassment again to get some work done this next week, research and more on my article...
TTYL.

( Extra notes:
Weather - 39 degrees F, Precipitation 1 %, 91 % Humidity, 0 mph, overcast skies

Atmospheric - dark, a cloud of darkness, smog-like, some activity around because it’s Friday, kind of far away, the bars are possibly more active, I’m not sure...

Not anything all-too notable tonight... a boring day to be honest, basically just in the presence of a lot of vampires that must learn before turning...

I’m sunken, withdrawn into my own world ... not concerned.)

Two notable visitations in the past 24 hours.

1. (Extra notes - 1:52 am:

Weather - 39 degrees F, partly cloudy, 0% precipitation, 92% Humidity, wind 4 mph.

Atmospheric - Enveloped, dark, with the small illumination, which is not unlike fae, a bright warm light in the forest, then an enclosing darkness around the outside of this... a presence, listening. Rather quiet, rather calmed by the interaction... a touch from a distance graces my skin.

Energetics/Other Descriptions - the air is dry... the sort of dry that would make a person’s skin crack... it’s cold out... that winter void - a blend of frigid and dry air, combined with the solidly empty streets ... and a quiet stare into the nothing. The trees seem to sigh: “We are existent, still... “

Beyond that... there is an obvious truth which states itself... we are fully capable... we are worth the resurrection... and where I am at it is fully alive within me also.)



2. ( Extra Notes - 4:12 am

Weather - 38 degrees F, 0 % precipitation, 96 % Humidity, Wind 4 mph, partly cloudy ...

Atmospheric - further closing in... the moon, attentative, enchanting even... smiling above us,
... there is a sway in the earth, the island seems to move accross the water, teetering communicatively, tipping over on a point.

Energetics - sharp, magnetic, breaking, biting ... dry, warmer somehow, predatory... )

Others:
First Quarter Phase, half illuminated, half dark, 49%, waxing.

Highlighting Taurus for Autumn nights... it’s brightest star, Aldebaran, rises during the sunset, and reaches its highest point in the sky by midnight. Pleiades rises to the upper left of Aldebaran, and is the miniature version of Ursa Major, one of its horns reaches, and ends at El Nath. The Leonid meteor shower is tonight and tomorrow... a dozen or more shooting stars per hour.. the moon sets around 1 or 2 am. )

It’s fully bright, now, at 9:44 am, I didn’t catch the exact time of the sunrise... but it seemed pretty dark still at 6 am. The area feels slightly haunted, yet bright, with promising light on the horizon.

A very stressful morning... I keep getting harassed, as I have been increasingly harassed for the past 3 years... and it is getting worse... I had so many things on my checklist this morning, and as usual, something wierd happened and I could not complete my work... if I try to maintain this house I get attacked. I had gardening work, yardword, errands, and a few other things which would have got my winter started and my work ready to go/set out before me...

I feel someone has worked meticulously to destroy every dream I had. I am so upset, I could be so many millions of years beyond this nonsense... I did not create these problems for myself. I have been shoved into them and then sunk in them. I feel my life has been ruined and it’s on purpose. I had a positive outlook on life.

I keep getting through my work but it is beyond stressful with so many weirdos harassing me, and that is not really the point, the point is - a person of sound mind should not have a second to waste on someone else in such a wierd and intrusive way... your existence should be enough for yourself and if it isn’t ... you need to change ... - if they were working on their own life and development they would not care about mine and none of this would be happening... The other week I went outside to simply photograph the Fall fog, which was very eerie and beautiful, drifting through the streets under the amber light, there was a man in my yard... he had a presence which was stern and “bulletproof” in a sense, as if I was the one out of place... normally some random person would not bother me so much... He made me uncomfortable though, I don’t think I can explain it, it was his close proximity... and something like “authority” which I felt was off or out of place... I simply feel the world is full of people like this, really ... people that are just not right... I just feel very uncomfortable around people who cannot connect the dots.

I think people really need to evolve.

On a lighter note though, and as an update, I managed to get my prepared soil set outside for winter, and ready to be made into a fenced garden, which was the first and most important chore to start the season with... So, I’m a bit calmer now to have the main thing on my list done. There weren’t any creeps immediately jumping out at me from the darkness. I am so tired of these disgusting behavioral problems people have though, really, I’ve found that focus on work would keep the mind busy enough to make these parasitic problems fall away and no one would be a problem for anyone... I would legitimately run in the other direction and fall off a dead-end bridge or something before I would address these people on a serious note, as if they’re behavior is anything but litter and defacing of individuals who simply exist and did nothing to deserve such social injustice... I do not feel like playing games or addressing them as if they are anything but that ... etc., etc. ...

So many things to say... the words are missing though, soaring past my head, then fading to black, disappearing, lost... I would imagine it is too personal anyways... all of the beautiful things I wish I could express...

I’m certain though...

this is some part of heaven.

How could anyone encounter a vampire, and behold them for who they truly are, without feeling as if their existence argues every point to their face?

When I was young, I used to wonder these things to the darkness, as it fell over me ...

I stared, traumatized, into the lines of the wall ahead of me... a painfully stone-like knowing... an awareness of, fully, what I was, and with no questions asked ...

“Would I ever be anything other than a vampire. ...”

“Will there ever be a person ... who would see/understand this ...”

“Will anything ever become of this existence, aside from the blatant points about how it is.”

It seemed hundreds of years would pass by, and nothing changed except for the ever-changing scenes around me...

What I knew, the truth... it remained isolated, iced, within me ... although starkly beautiful, there were horrors to contrast.

I would give anything to be something more than just an idea, or a fact which could not be avoided or changed... I would be lying if I said I didn’t have friends in high places, yet... would I ever experience anything but rejection in the face of what I was... what I truly am?



A greater catalyst for my existence, than a simple refusal of lies, or defiance, or endurance;

there is a person...
and they love the vampire...

and that is one thing
I have never heard of...

I did not think there would ever be an answer to my questions... except for that wall of lines... and the dead of night.

You say you wouldn’t trade my existence for anything...
In the pitch black of my afternoon... your thoughts reach me in the same darkness.
The impending doom of my eternal sentence is lessened. You want to understand me. Sometimes, I can feel the warmth of your hand, like a kiss, as it closes around mine, and the cells of your flesh, speak with golden defiance...

“you’re not alone”, they whisper in our secrecy.

Sometimes, you are the rising and falling of my chest... the choice to allow breath to re-enter my lungs... or the reason I do not drown in the crashing waves of the cold blue ocean; a pale death, crimson accross the charcoal shale of the shoreline... it’s rocks, like teeth, protrude and devour me in cannibalistic hunger, as I have invited, staring for too long.


While the days go by and you feel diminished, my mind is firmly set on your eyes... your existence is the core of mine, the infinite thread of my purpose...

There is a body, there is breath, there is a beauty I cannot forget... There is finally something, which, against all odds, and accross all horizons, my hands desperately reach for ...

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced...
So many things to say.

For now I will just say this.

COMMENTS

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LittleMissWicked
16:35 Nov 16 2018

Beautiful

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thecrucible
19:20 Nov 16 2018

Thank you.

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POST COMMENT

It’s morning time. Winter... a dead silence which equates to the actual reality of death... it’s just so barren right now. There is a quiet stagnancy I cannot even fully describe. I don’t usually feel so hopeless... Sometimes though... with less health, hope ... it is difficult to get beyond. I feel gory... I feel as if I’ve been dissected and mutilated on the existential level... and on many levels... I feel destroyed... I feel like something which is immortal but has been cornered and forced to be something it isn’t... a bleak future.

I see the other vampires. I feel lesser, dead. I don’t really care what a person thinks as long as it doesn’t affect me, and generally it never has... and actually it’s unlikely they think anything negative...

Physically, not being what I really am is actually very painful... so I stress watching them live so fully while I am stuck. Imprisoned, in a sense, by abusive control systems... lies... confusion.
I’m angry.

I’m also, not really angry.
Hmm. Well - I think it makes a good journal entry... I’m mostly artistic, bright/dark, encouraging, dramatic, talented. Everyone has their days though.

(Extra Notes:
- weather

40 degrees F, Precip. 5%, wind 0 mph, (hi-lo 43-31), Overcast, Partly Cloudy

Atmosphere, emotions flowing, and anything else notable - Black, Death, Overwhelming, Threatening, (8lw- p)... - usually there is anywhere from a week, to three months time in the winter where the darkness hanging above/ahead is like this... it’s hard to explain... I hope people do not make any assumptions about anyone or anything based on my journals... this part is just my personal observations of the atmosphere and what I experience... -

Energetics - I feel the air has a specific type of moisture in it, which is very “cool” in energy and electrically charged or completely not charged, I’m not sure how to explain it ... it feels full of life, as if kept in a frigid version of a geyser... distilled, preserved, eternal in life force itself... the air is pugnant, and, as usual, the elements/energies of the earth are hypnotic to me... in a sense. There’s some magnetism of the vampire near... pulling me in. The tectonic plates feel as if they are breaking underneath the earth... and everything is shifting... )

My first journal entry for this profile. It will be a simple one. I’m tired, drained... that’s about it. I got some basic and much-needed housework done, which leaves a positive charisma later on once I’ve stopped focusing on it.. Some research at around 11am-1pm. Some wierd and negative energies, but mostly, it’s the coffee headache I think. Altogether after the first 5 visitations there was, I don’t know, about 3 more announced visits, and anywhere from 3 to 5 after that. Around 3 actual manifestations... two vampires, one “unidentified”, I hate mentioning them... I feel like they’re just parts of science and they always seem to be next-of-kin, neighborly, so saying something alerts some kind of block or control, and in my opinion the vampires are like a part of my mental home... so I don’t exactly want to get rid of them ... yet... for the detailed recordings and science of it, and also the basic laws, it’s probably the accurate choice to record truthfully in order to keep us all organized. Nothing all-too dangerous happened though... Overall, things are looking up.

Hmm, if I were to write anything artistic, I guess I’d say I’m so excited about my house projects, and recycled art, I can’t even make up my mind about which projects to go with for each list of materials and supplies. Everytime I pass by the supplies, new ideas surface in my mind. I think a lot about how recycled art and the logical morality which brings the mind to such conclusions, that recycling or lessening damage by lifestyle changes, could change the world 🌎 (no leftover plastic, glass, landfills ... etc.) I am a coffee freak though.. I need to move on from my life of slightly addictive coffee freakiness 😉 😂.

Ah ha. Well ... I thought I’d make my first journal entry fairly unedited for the purpose of accurate recording... the rest I will say the same honest truths in (which usually just involves artistic journaling of my day/thoughts, hiking, nature endeavors, planning, or simple poetry/creative writing itself, dreams, sometimes visions or thoughts... artistically so... with better grammar and editing).

(Extra notes:

Weather, Environment and Atmosphere - 54 degrees F, precipitation 15 percent, Humidity 89 percent, wind 5 mph, overcast, slightly misted, and a dense feeling to the air, which seems to be compacted with life, beauty, emotions, ****. ... moving forth in the environment, and hanging in such a way.

The presences around me are listening, quietly, warmly, like a family. I’m distant... but always a quiet consciousness blended silently and in conformity to that which is around me.. unless journeying on my own path. Currently I’m working on community endeavors though. I’m “stoked”, once I finish this work these deserving family members can move in and I’ll be someone else’s headache forrr sure.

Area - Southeast Region

Extra notes: overall, I’m thinking about my love, concerned.. hoping my thoughts and messages reach them ... and that they will reach out to me soon.

Familiar: My shadowcat is warm, curled up somewhere, possibly by a fire. I think that perfect furball can hear me anywhere 😁. )