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I am havinmg a little bit better day today. I am still a little stressed about going to court tommorrow but I am feeling a little bit more calm about it. My work is cooperating a little bit better at working with me on my schedule while I get this fixed up. My son is a demon spawn and is driving me crazy. He is always complaining about something. He is three so I guess he is just at that age. I will write again tommorrow about my day at court and how it went.

I can't take it anymore. I am so psyically and mentally drained I feel like I cannot go on anymore. I have been working long hours plus all this crap about losing our place i am just going insane. (well I am actually already insane it is just a little bit worse) I just want all of this to be over. Friday I will find out if we get to keep our place or not. I want Friday to come now so it can be done and so I can find a place to live if I need to. If we get kicked out then my husband and I will have about 2 weeks to find a place and move our stuff. I have never been so stressed in my life. I am not eating well,sometimes I have trouble sleeping and I get a lot more headaches than I usually do. On top of that stuff I have 3 kids to take care of and it is getting to be too much stress for me. I have had thoughts of suicide but figured that would not help things for my kids and my husband and couldn't bring myself to do it. I would cut if I could find a reall nice sharp object to do it with(I prefer razor blades because they cut deep and I can hardly feel them) I just feel like my life is never going to amount to anything. Every time my life gets better it plummets into a really bad situation. I just can't seem to get my life strait and it is killing me. I cannot figure out why my life is so bad and what I had done to make it this way.

I found out on Friday that we are getting kicked out of our place. It was really upsetting for me because I have 3 kids and nowhere to turn. My parents have 4 adopted children living with them in a 3 bedroom house so there is no room. My husband and I are going to court to see if we can fix this and keep our place. I don't know what I am going to do if we have to move out. I fear that if we do have to move I will lose my children to the state because we have nowhere to go. My children are my life and I could not go on without them. If anybody reads this I am asking nicely please give me blessings so I can make it through this. Thank you.