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My cousins body was found......apparently he shot himself.....though to me some of the variables dont add up...so until the autopsy report comes back Im ruling as a unsolved mystery......



Although it could be my not wanting to believe that he could kill himself...he was so young. At first I cried for the longest time and then I was angry and now Im close to numb wanting answers. I want to rewind time and fix it all.....if only I could. The healing process would be better if I just chop it up as to shit it happened but then id be counted as a uncaring heartless bitch when I did in fact love the boy. He had this certain charm even from the age of five he only wanted to crack jokes.



I will forever miss him, but hopefully he is at peace.

COMMENTS

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xRONINx
12:19 Jun 26 2013

Sorry, to hear of your cousin's passing.

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Its been years since it all happened and at times it feels like it was just yesterday. I have dreams and I swear I can still feel every detail happening again.



I think its time I go to counseling for it all. I can talk to my sister but there's things I still find difficult to talk about, I revealed something to her tonight about what happened and she said that it would help if I finally talked to someone who might be able to help me with these things.



I want to get better but I cant do that if I cant heal from everything. Its time the monster no longer wins.

Go to youtube.com type in Beer For My Horses Rodney Carrington Bathroom scene watch it and tell me what you think

I honestly dont know if im going to step down from my position or stay where Im at. All I know is if Im written up once Im stepping down, out of two years at being at this stupid job i have never had a damn issue and now that I stepped up they say I do my job great, yet i get jumped for stupid bullshit that I didnt do. The jackass was looking for someone else to put the blame on and I was the one there do it to.



I dont want to be craving a bottle of scotch every night, right now I want it, but I get the feeling that soon it will be my needing it just to feel numb after stupid shit.



I have a little girl, I cant do that to her yet I cant stand being so lost and angry all the time.

My heathen is being a pain in the ass, I love her like crazy but I think its time for time out and possibly a few swats on her butt.



I swear when she spends the week with her grandparents she comes back a spoiled little twerp. What do you do when they get everything they want when they want and come back thinking they can still do that? Then they turn around and smart mouth you so good you have to bite your lip to keep from laughing, and do your best to keep a straight face.



At least soon she starts school. Fall cannot come soon enough