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Am I happy yet? Does anyone care? I do. But I'm not. This sux. Oh well. It's like I don't care about anything anymore. Except my health. That's it. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. Am I growing up, growing old? I have no idea, but, I'm just not happy.



Wish me luck on my new adventure of happiness and what it takes to experience it in this journal. All happening soon!

Okay, Turkey day was fun as ever. We said what we were thankful for and I said 3 F words; Friends, Family, and food! Later that night, my Mom's bf wanted to throw down. Since I love a good fight, bring it on! Then, my sis's bf was in on it, so it was 2 against me!! But I had the advantage, they were both drunk! Losers!!! I had a great time though. It was so fun. Can't wait to kick their asses again. They kept trying to keep me down, but I'd always get back up for more! ;-P Happy T-Day everyone!

Today is a dark, dreary, cold, rainy, gloomy day. A day to stay inside and wish it all would go away. So, I'm listening to some dark, instrumentive rock called 10 Years. They're an awesome band. Especially the song titled "The Autumn Effect." It goes so well with this weather.



Anyway, I'll be off tomorrow and Friday, so, not internet for me (Cries)



My friend and I had a fight. I told him that I was going to his house. He said his Dad couldn't pick me up. I told him I have a vehicle and I'm on my way. I got there and called him again to ask him what apt # he was at. He said that when he said his Dad couldn't pick me up, he meant that I couldn't come over. Like I was supposed to know that. I got more than pissed. I was enraged. I kid you not, a little of my demon self came out. I yelled at him the his Dad owes me gas money. He started yelling at me that he couldn't help the circumstances and all that. He wasn't trying to change them either, is what I thought. My Mom interjected that I need some new friends. I agreed and hung up. haven't talked to him since. I've apologized through text, then called him, but no answer. Fine. I guess that ended it. It sucks that I have to lose friends this way and at a really sucky time as well. hey, I wanted new friends, apparently I'm changing the circumstances to get them. At least someone is.

Ahh, another day. I'm off tomorrow. That's good.



I guess the only thing about this life is that I am alive. That's also good.



I was thinking earlier in the week...why not just kill myslef now and get it over with? This life is just too hard for my liking. There's no reason to go through life this hard and still not get anything out of it. So... go back to the other side and get reincarnated as someone else. Maybe that way, learning life's lessons won't be so damn difficult to learn. I thought I had all the time in the world to learn stuff while I was coming into this life. Apparently not. So, I now go into the shadows...for how long, I don't know. But when I get back, life will be different. It will bend to MY will instead of me just giving up, saying that there is a purpose to this hard life and stand up against the Universe and say hey! I demand a thing or two! You know? Is it really THAT hard to get what you ask for? Even if you have good intentions? Apparently it is.



Do not worry, I'll be back. You'll see me from time to time, against the light, telling people that they are better off in darkness.



Darkest Blessings



-SW