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feeling kinda low again. what the hell is up with me? i know its normal for life to be up and down but this is rediculous. more downs than ups its been like this for a while though. for some odd reason all of a sudden this ignored feeling has washed over me. ive been ok all day up untill now. I realize that something is up. id rather be at home on skype with people that see the boy that i have practically made myself bleed for. Ive tried to hard to make it work...i dont think it is though. i wanna see him sometimes but other times i dont. why is it i have a new crush? oh and why among my friends do i stick out? they are either gay or the majority are straight. why do i fool with people who arent sure what they want? it always ends the same i get hurt. been thinking about sweet jes a lot i miss him so much that i was actually looking up toward heaven trying to speak to him. i feel alone more now that the anniversary of his death is coming up and he left this world with me still having things i need to say. the worst feeling ever. oh and now that i dont work i feel cut out of everyones lives that i knew. i miss my raybear and billy jo soooo much! but neither have time for me and i cant bring myself to write them and try to see them. if i dont get a reply ill feel alone again. i bawled yesterday and today i feel like im falling into another hole. you know thats what i call my life a hole i dug that i cant crawl out of. why doesnt anyone like me enough to like only me? why does it seem more people want me for my assets? why is it the only people that wanna fuck with me are like wayyy older for me? i know i used to not think age was a big deal but in some cases it is like when i know if i got with them they would be close to going through the change and lose their sex drive. i dont want a sexless relationship but i dont want it based around it, i want what i had before....i want the world to revolve around me a little. i want texts and a call from time to time. i want them to want to see me just to see me. At pride it hurt so much when i saw all the happy couples i cried a little during the concert....i couldnt help it. what to do what to do?

COMMENTS

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teetee
14:31 Jun 20 2012

i love you sissy.........huggles....smiles

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LordDaymein666
16:46 Jun 20 2012

if you ever need someone to talk to remember you got us :) we are normally around so message us :) trust me you are loved you are family :)

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NellMorgan
16:58 Jun 20 2012

Love you Christine. Please don't be sad, you are a unique beautiful soul. You have a light in you and I adore you . *Hugs*.

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