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I was resurrected today. I died on sunday nite, due to heart failure, and walked the plane of the earth as a mindless zombie for the past few days. Someone I love very dearly was in a car accident during this time, and being worried for his life as well as his friend's, the heart that I had thought had completely failed me seemed to have a slight beating to it, but it stopped once I heard the news. Today though, at 12:08pm when I checked my e-mail, my heart miraculously begain to beat steadily and a bit later in the day when I recieved a message from the one who betrayed me, my heart had begun to repair itself. The damage has been done, yes, and it may not be completely repairable, but right now the repairs that have been made are allowing me to live my life as I was before. I still love my betrayer and have decided on a second chance for him. Honestly, because I think I'd be dead anyways without him in my life.



That is all for now, I shall keep u posted as to the status of my boring life, like you care anyways.

I died last nite. My heart was ripped out of my chest and torn in a million pieces. I look back at old journal entries (not in here) and so many times I have written that I was slowly falling apart the more time that went by that I was without him. And that he was the only thing i looked forward to anymore in my life. 1 year, thats all it was gonna take. *cries her heart out*

He made me happy. I never thought I'd lose him, I knew that if I did, I'd be so broken inside that I'd really have nothing left to live for. I have that urge again. The urge to endure physical pain just to let my heart stop feeling so much of it. I cried so hard that I mad myself sick last night. I dunno, all this happening to me, maybe I'm not meant for love or happiness. I mean, this is the 3rd fucking time my heart has broken like this in the short timespan of a year...ONE FUCKING YEAR! All I ask is why? Why did you do this to me? I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. You dreamt about our children for christ's sake. Fuck that dream now I guess. It looks like you've already found happiness with someone else. Just know, I dont hate you, I probably never will. I just hurt, and I know I will for the rest of my life. I love you, I just want you to be happy.

Ok, this past weekend was great. Friday night a couple friends and I went to another friends house just to hang out. We were all in a strange kind of mood to begin the nite, all kinda just feeling up on each other, well I ended up making out with both of them (both female) and getting to suck on their nipples!!! It didnt go any farther though. I still have yet to find that perfect female. I have found the perfect male already, but not the female. :-(



Sunday nite was the Labor Day Ball at the Asylum. Everyone was dressed in their red, white and black (the theme of the nite). It was great fun. my all of energy gorgeous friend Kayla was there, and she just makes everything so much more full of life. so, that was my weekend....now it is thursday and yay, almost the weekend again, I'm so happy that my boring week at work is almost over!!!!