satan visits a church
02:39 May 04 2016
Times Read: 298
Satan vists the church
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
3 Little Christians and Christ05:52 May 02 2016
Times Read: 317
3 Little Christians and Christ
Three Christians were sitting in a bar watching the gospel chanel, when the Lord walks in. The three men bow before him as he walks past, takes a seat, and orders a bloody mary. The first man looks up and asks " God, what brings you to this small piece of land?" God does not turn around but replies, "The High grade pot and fine bitches." The second man stands up and says, "God, is there anything I may offer you?" God does not turn around but says, " You already buy my drinks everytime you donate money to the church, but if you dont mind taking this drink to that fine hunny over there." The third man stands up and says," God, your suppose to be the almighty Holy one, what are you thinking, dont you read the bible?" God finally turns around and looks at the man and replies, "I made the hunnies with the ass and tities, I made the marajuana plants, I made the condaments that make this drink, and you support my habit every time you go to church or buy a bible, Im just enjoying my work. Besides, the bible was made for rolling papers,
what have you people been using it for?"
10 Uses For the "Holy Bible"
05:49 May 02 2016
Times Read: 318
10 Uses For the "Holy Bible"
1. Rolling Joints(Sticks Just perfect)
2. Toilet Paper(Soft on the skin)
3. Kitty Box(Shit on Shit)
4.Bait(What better to reel in that annoying christian fuck that keeps sniffing around your yard.)
5. Damnitt Doll(What better to take your anger out then on literture that teaches the slaughtering of younge children)
formally acknowledging satan as your master.05:13 May 02 2016
Times Read: 327
O mighty Lord Satan,
God of this world,
God of my flesh,
God of my mind,
God of my innermost Will!
Every part of this world is within Your power.
You are within every part of this world.
Every part of me is within Your power.
You are within every part of me.
I am Yours, whether I serve You willingly or not,
for I am myself, whether I am true to myself or not.
Of my own free will, I now acknowledge Your power.
Of my own free will, I now present myself to You.
What happens when I make a formal commitment to Satan?
05:11 May 02 2016
Times Read: 329
Satan looks out for his own. Satan gives us an inner strength and we become very strong in spirit. Unlike right hand path religions, where adherents are forever praying and searching for their god, Satan comes to us on his own. Many times, we can feel him. He comes to guide us when we get down, worried, or are experiencing problems.
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