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I have been feeling so depressed lately... some days more than others. Today my anxiety is high and my whole body just feels like its being electrocuted. i wish it would stop. I think i may be feeling overwhelmed. I'm not sure how to feel any other way. Whether its "good stress" or "bad stress" everything just feels like a lot. I find myself crying for no reason or if there is a reason it's one that makes no sense or about things that haven't even happened. I've tried my "coping skills" it doesn't seem to work... the one thing that i know will work I cannot due at this moment because it's dark out and no one else is around.

So, for a long time, I had been dreaming about this guy I have never met before. In each dream I was so in love with him and he was beautiful. I loved him so much my whole body just filled with warmth. In my dream, he died from some kind of explosion. I never saw him in my dreams again. Shortly after I saw a little girl and she was sitting alone in an attic and i asked her what was wrong and she told me she missed him and showed me a picture of that same guy. I guess we had a little girl together in my dream. I don't remember much about the dreams I had of him. I just remember how I felt when i was with him and his hair.

Ever since then i feel like i have been grieving someone that doesn't exist in real life. I reading about spiritual worlds and how this has happened to other people...having two lives; in dreams and in real life. I have been trying so hard to dream of him again but, it's like my mind is blocking him for some reason. What if he was a person in real life and we met in a dream...what if he died in real life and now i will never be able to meet him. I have seriously joined so many social media's just searching for this person. I fear it's gotten a little insane. I don't think it's fair for my partners that i cannot give them 100% because a part of me knows this person is out there somewhere.. part of me is still in love with the man from my dreams.

When i get depressed, he pops in my mind more often and it makes me miss him more. Where are you??? I know this is unhealthy...but, i feel like my depression and anxiety is just going to keep coming and going until i find him.. my "soul mate" or, my "other half" I felt so complete with him. Everything was perfect. I wish things were like that in real life and not just in my dream world.

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Doru
14:41 Dec 20 2019

Seek and you will find more than you can dream about... ~bows~

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