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Greetings readers,



today was such a boring day ofcourse. Im sitting here and its like 1 in the MORNING! im tired but not tired and yet I just had a cup of cofee to keep me awake apparently its not working lol. Im just a little sad, I miss my mom and my sisters. I feel alone not having them around as much anymore. And ever since me and my mom had that fight its like she has forgotten me. She doesnt bother to call or visit me for a little bit. when I want to live with her she makes up excuses for me not to stay there. Here I am sitting in the corner crying my tears as they go out and share there time as a family without me. Weres the mother to hold me? weres the mother to tell me she loves me? were is the family we use to have? I havent bothered to call her, I left to new jersey with my dad not telling her.HECK!! I was living with geandma when I was suposse to live with her.I felt like an orphaned who was loved but then got boring and was thrown away like trash. And I think what person will I be today if my real mom wasnt a junkie or a drug addict, or if my brothers were never adopted, Or if my mom and dad never divorced, or if someone will give just a lil bit of strenght for love. Its sad how our family communicates by fighting. It Hurts when no one believes in you. It hurts when they act like they dont care and expect it to be youre fault. I mean im nice im caring. I call I visit, so whats wrong? Am I not good enough? Am I meant to move on without a family, exept for my dad that has took custody off me and bacame my everything. No one knows how hard it is to carry guilt everyday, or think of what could have been. The more I want to look back the more it hurts, And the more I get away the more it kills me inside. It isnt fair for me, Im not just some child! Im not just some lost girl! Im worth something, I am special and believe it or not I do have a heart! and I will like to feel loved. But what more I have left? just to do what my heart has finally decided.... To let go of the yesterday that I thought was my home and family.