The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

listening to Suicidal Tendencies. I can't cry anymore I feel ddrained. I feel dead and I am alone. I feel no one can help me nd I'm nervous about my counselling appointment because I'm so used to lying and pretending I'm ok. I take this the wrong way. My nerves are shot I feel unsafe in my own home. I feel nervous and self-counscious outside of my home. I feel embarrassed to be me. I feel like every judges me...I feel like an attention whore who tries to hard to be a part of society when in fact I should just be thrown aside like dirt. No one wanted me. Everyone abuses me. I have good friends who would never judge me and wouldnever hurt me. I have no family and I don't know who to trust.

When I try to talk it all comes out wrong. I can barely make eye contact but I smile and joke and pretend I"m ok. i walk out and i know I'm not. I just want to scream someone please help me before I turn to stone. Words do not justify my emotions. Right now, every conversation is bout me. Everyone, everything is telling me somethng somehow subliminally. and no one can fucking help me. I'm paranoid in my own mind and i don't know how to stop it. Stop hurting me I'm tired of playing the victim. i want to be more than this. If I didn't have kids, then to answer your question, yes I'm better off dead.

as I portray a victim. I am a paradox of human flesh and I seek no vengeance. I come forth with love and hope. They still exist in my mind. What is unsung can be spoken and what is spoken becomes real. We are real. I am real, and I am a part of this. I'm here for a fucking reason.