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Why did you lie to me? Am I not important enough to you? I asked you why you had to play me and you said you weren't. You said you look at her like a sister, but obviously it's more than that. You said to her.... let me quote you two...her- "This is me and my bebe! I love you honey and I miss you. Com home soon" under a pic of you two your reply- "i promise i am going to hurry home as soon as i can. just to be with the woman i love. Y O U!" If you look at her like a sister you got problems. I believed you. I trusted you. You knew my heart was already broken and I fuckin told you not to hurt me because it was to early to get hurt. You said you were incapeable of doing that to me.WHY WHY WHY!!!!! I want to know why you had to treat me like this. I didn't do anything to be treated like this. I am a kind caring beautiful smart person and you hurt me so badly after what I went through and you knew it. WHY could you tell me the truth? What happened to " I've loved you since day one and it's only gotten worse"

Well, I hope you realize the mistake you've made.

OK so my birthday was Friday 1/20 and the 19th and that day went so good for me. I had such a good day on Thursday that I said " Today is going so well, my birthday is going to suck." But it didn't. Thursday I woke up to a text message from someone I care about and that whole day I was smiling and in such a great mood. He even called me 15min til midnight to tell me happy birthday because he didn't know if he would beable to tell me on Friday. Yeah it was early, but it made me feel so good that he cared enough to at least tell me. Friday I woke up, went to an interview and prescreening and got a new job. The whole day went so good. That night I went to a friends to party a little. I called my friend that I care about at 10 til midnight cause I thought that being that I had 2 great days in a row I might as well end them good by talking to him. About 5min into conversation I knew my luck was running out. We started arguing and continued to argue for 1/2hr. I knew then there was no way I was going to get 3 good days. I was so right. Saturday sure enough we started arguing again. He's going through some things right now and I wanna be there for him, but it's like he's shutting me out. Today(Sunday) he hasn't answered his phone once, answered any text message, or called me. If this is his way of dealing with things then fine, but I wish he would realize that there is someone that cares about him and loves him and it hurts to know that he's upset or pissed or whatever. It kills me to know that he's not happy and he's shutting me out. How can I be there for someone I care for so much when they won't let me in?

I have said on here before that I am going through some tough shit right now, but it's getting to the point that I am going to snap.

I have an ex that I am trying to be friends with right now. As much as I don't want to be at times, I am trying. But when he calls 10 times in a 1/2hr period right after I've talked to him it gets retatrded. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! leave me alone for like and hour so I can watch tv or call someone else. He keeps saying he's too much of a pussy to kill himself and end it all. If it weren't for that he would because I've left him. Stop! It makes me feel guilty. That's the quickest way to get to me. Make me feel guilty and like shit until I give in. STOP! I can't take it anymore. I am going to turn into a cold heartless bitch because I am tired of caring for people and then they treat me like shit. It's not just him on that one. But if he can't let me go and move on like I'm trying to do I'm going to lose it.

Then there is a friend of like 7yrs that I just found out likes me. The crazy thing is I have always liked him, but never told him because I didn't know he liked me. We aren't together but we are talking. That's all that is going on or could be going on because he is in California and I'm in Ohio. Yes I call him and send him text messages a few times a day, but I can't wait to hear his voice or to make sure he is safe and alive that day. He tells me not to worry and to have faith, but I don't want anything to happen to him before we can find out if any kind of relationship could make it between us. Talking on the phone is our only way of communication and I don't want to piss him off because I don't want to fight with him on the phone. I really like him and I want to see what could happen with us.

There are other issues, but I won't get into them. I am just tired of all this bullshit in my life. I have someone I am trying to be friends with because our relationship is over and someone I evenually want to be with in the future and my heart is bleeding badly right now.I hope they read this cause I can never say the right thing or someone interupts me when I open my mouth.

Hi to anyone who reads this. I am not used to writing, but I figured what the hell. I have been dealing with a bunch of stupid shit that pisses me off and recently started to write so I don't flip out on anyone and get them pissed off at me. If you read any of my stuff on here and gt confused or don't get it, then I'm sorry. It makes sense to me.