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I think I need to move to where the winters are warmer. It seems that the cold is affecting my knee more this year than it has previously and I'm willing to bet that I'll be able to say the same thing next year. *sighs*

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MBK
03:07 Nov 30 2008

Got to love SD's whether =P

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Ok, time to go see if I can log into the MMORPG yet. It hasn't let me for a few days.

I'm not sure which is more disturbing, someone who thinks that they're the mythical version of a vampire or someone who thinks they're Dr. Phil... No, I take that back, the latter is much more disturbing... by far... *shudders in horror*

I have just realized today that I'm much more relaxed around people now than previously. For a long time I haven't felt at ease around even people that I can count as friends. At some point I managed to get past some barrier but I don't know precisely when or what.

Tina drives me nuts some days. Her body language and some actions say one thing but her words and other actions say the opposite. GAH! Take yesterday for example. She got into her pajamas because she was winding down for the day but she put on a white tshirt without a bra, I could see through the shirt almost as well as if she wasn't wearing any. I told her I could and all she did was say 'I know'. That on top of some of the other things she did screamed 'fuck me' but then she tells me that she's not really in the mood to be touched and sits at the opposite end of the couch. I don't know if I was misreading things or if she was expecting me to make a move or what. Seeing her basically topless when I've been this horny was torture, especially if you add in the rest. I'm not sure where the boundaries are with her when it comes to that stuff though and I think it's time that we actually discuss it regardless of whether or not talking about it makes her uncomfortable.

Sometimes I find myself wating for someone to come along, something to happen, or to one day just wake up and have things be different. Like you see in so many different anime stories. Suddenly a normal person becomes special or extraoradinary in some way. No, I know this will never happen no matter how much part of me wishes for it to. Day after day, for the rest of my life I will look upon this reality and this life. Day after day, I know that the only thing driving me forward is the pusuit of happiness.

So apparently I'm a jerk. This from the coworker who says that they're better than other's there. She told my girlfriend this. I guess that's what I get for knocking a self-righeous person off the pedestal they put theirself on. If only she had the balls to say it to my face, at least then she would have one redeeming quality.



I had a similar disagreement with a guy once. It lead to him calling me an 'asinine piece of shit' and I said he was an 'arrogant bastard worth less than dog shit residue'. We never became friends but after that we got along much better.

Damn it! Now not only is my faucet leaking but my heater is too!

I was just reading another story about some lucky S.O.B. preteen boy who got with some hot older chic. As I'm reading I come across the part where the social worker makes the comment "and that predator seduced that innocent boy" and I almost laughed. I hate to tell you lady but there hasn't been an 'innocent' preteen boy since nudity was invented. Once a boy realizes what that thing down there is for the innocence vanishes. I doubt there was even all that much seduction involved, as soon as that kid figured out what the woman wanted I'll just about guarantee he was one of the happiest kids on the planet. Years from now he'll tell people the story about how he lost his virginity at 12 to some 'milf' and he'll smile about it even then.



Edit - I realized that I probably should point out that I am not condoning this behavior, the adult should be mature enough to know better. However, the children in question are almost never the poor innocent victims they're portrayed as.

I started a new drawing today. So far I like it. I'm doing a vine border on it and this is the first time I've ever drawn anything with a border, it's turning out better than I expected. The only problem is that I'm doing it in pencil and it's smudging like crazy. I decided to take a break from it for a bit and I need to do my night audit soon but I plan to finish this one for sure. When it's done I'll find a way to put it up here. I think I'm going to do a solid background, I just had an interesting idea.



Tomorrow's going to be a long day. I have to go down to Wal-Mart because I'm down to one wearable pair of jeans since I just found a nice whole in the one's I'm wearing (for cryin' out loud, I'm not THAT hard on my clothes am I?), then I'm going to do laundry, and during and after laundry I'm going to be cleaning. I also need to remember to get a cheap sewing kit or something because I have one pair of pants that the seam came un-sewed on and I can fix them. I'm thinking that one of these days I need to learn some more sewing, there are some adjustments I want to make to some of my wardrobe.

Such a... profound... declaration.... "I be lovin' bitches, dig it?"....... *shakes head*

I am not lost, I am merely wandering as I go to where ever it is I am going. - Me

Sometimes I feel like I'm dead inside. No matter how much I mat say that I do not regret and that the past only serves to be learned from, nothing changes the fact that part of me still dwells in the past. I look at those times and I ache to live them again, I long to be like I was and to have friends like I did. Do you know how agonizing it is for someone like me to know that they don't have any friends around them? Do you kow how frustrating it is for someone like me to be skittish of going out in public? What happened to the me that would have been the life of the party? What happened to the me that would have been willing to try almost anything at least once? For cryin' out loud, there was a time that there were rumors going around about me and just about everygirl in town simply because I was a major flirt and on good terms with all of them. Then again, that was back when I also used to get called a pool shark all the time. So where did that me go? Did he die at my mother's hands when she locked him away? Is he just lost somewhere inside of me?

Ok, this doesn't make a lot of sense. The first thing I do when I log in is to look at my favorite journals list and then I check Last 10. I find it odd that I write a journal entry, check Last 10 the next day and it says one person has been to my journal since I wrote it but the entry says it's been viewed 10+ times. Can someone explain this to me?



On another note: Who are you VR stalker? I've been playing an MMORPG and the other day somebody messaged my character but they called me placidchaos. The only people who should have connected my character's name to my screen name are people on VR and a very limited number of others. Whoever it was admitted that they were from VR and that they read my journal "all the time" but they wouldn't tell me who they were and left.

I took Tina to see Twilight tonight. It's a pretty good movie. It's not as actiony as the commercials made it look but it's nowhere near as much of a chic flick as I might have expected from hearing about the book. I would see it again.



I love watching these kinds of movies, they're great watches and they always seem to stir something in me. I always feel a little off after seeing a vamp flick though.

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*drools* I went to walk to the store and I saw this girl that looks like a cross between Amy Lee and Kat Von D. That's the second time I've seen this chic. The first time I saw her she was driving around in a convertible with the top down and rockin' out to Bodies, this time I see her and she's driving an SUV and has Bye Bye Beautiful cranked. Both vehicles were sporting Nebraska plates though.



As far as appearance go I'd have to say that she's my ideal. Yet, every girl I've dated has come nowhere near that. Why do you suppose that is?

Yes! I am now on the internet through my own connection!

The SD Snowmobile Association hired this really fucking obnoxious and loud entertainment group called Deuces Wild. This shit is really starting to take away what little sanity I manage to maintain most days. I swear to god that I know how to make all sorts of nasty things happen to you people and I will if I have to! GAH!!!!



Where did I put the chlorine tablets and the amonia?....

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MBK
06:04 Nov 16 2008

Another reason SD sucks ;P

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Well, I finally went and got my own internet. It'll be turned on Monday. I lost the signal I've been using again so I decided it was time I had my own.

Heh, interestin. It would seem that aggression and dominance remove the word 'no' from her vocabulary. I like that.

Dang. I didn't end up getting to bed yesterday until 4:30-5 and I just now woke up. I'm starving.

Well, Ihad something in mind to write but... *shrugs*

This cold is wreaking havoc on my knee. I couldn't even climb the stairs, I more or less had to drag myself up them!

S: You are such a pool shark.



Me: I so am not.



S: Suure.



Me: So I threw a few games and then made my opponent wipe the table with theirself, that doesn't make me a pool shark does it?



S: Yes, that's the definition of a pool shark. So yes it does.



Me: Oh c'mon! It's not like they were even that good!



S: I'm telling you, just look up pool shark and your name will be there!



Me: *sighs* You're so judgemental.

I hate when there's a large amount of tobacco smoke in the air, it gives me heartburn.

What the hell? Jeeze the guy who took my order needs to learn customer service!

Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn is great, it's friggin' hilarious.

My poor co-worker, she tried to leave and her car door was frozen shut. I wandered out and got it open for her. It isn't very friendly out right now but I'm actually happy that winter is starting to hit. Though I wasn't so happy about it earlier today when I had some friggin' ice in my beard. I definitely need to get gloves and an actual coat.

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MBK
05:15 Nov 07 2008

Gotta love the good old Huron weather.

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That's it, I've finally figured it out. There's been more than one time that I've thought about deleting my account here and I never have, from time to time I wonder why. I think I have that answer now. This was the first place I ever made public my personal weaknesses. I've opened myself up to this journal than I have any person for several years. It's sad to say really but this site, this journal, is the best friend I've had since the seventh grade.

Life's a bitch and then we die.

Fuck the world let's poke out everyone's eye! Because in the land of the blind, the last man with eyes can assassinate whoever he wants and not get caught!

Is it bad that I feel like screeming at the top of my lungs and then heading off to a dark secluded place to sit for the rest of the night?

I originally put this in my facebook because this kept logging me out, hopefully it works this time.



I hate self-righteous "I'm so special" cunts like her! GAH! I don't give a fuck how many years you've been around, you-are-not-special you fucking whore! People like this are why I can't manage my mental illnesses without medication! People like this are why I'm supposed to be on disability for mental instability! People like this are why I had such a fucked up childhood! GAH! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! Give me a fucking rifle, line these shit for brains up, and let me play target practice! It took more than you can imagine not to rip that bitch's throat out!

GAH! I am feeling murderous right now. Stupid self important BITCH! I can't stand people like that! Let's get something straight, if you are not the boss than your say doesn't mean shit! It has nothing to do with whether or not your word can be trusted! What matters is whether or not you have authority! If that stupid cunt ever has authority around here I will walk out and never step foot in here again!

I was down to Wal-Mart and they have a 4.1 megapixel camera for $40 and a 7.1 camera for $60. I am really tempted to go down and buy one, I've been wanting a decent camera for a while now. I should wait until my next paycheck though.

I finally remembered to update my premium membership while at home instead of while at work. I won't do it on the work computers.



Speaking of work, that reminds me. One of my coworkers called me a vampire the other day. I told them that I may have vampiric traits and tendencies but I don't really claim to be a vampire. They responded "I don't claim to be a criminal but that doesn't change the fact that I break the law." How do you argue with logic like that?

There is a person that comes by my profile periodically and re-rates me a 1. What on earth do they honestly hope to accomplish by that? *chuckles*

I don't really know why but there's something exquisite about brand new bed covers.

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Nightgame
02:15 Nov 06 2008

No dust mites or old skin on them :)

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placidchaos
02:38 Nov 06 2008

Hmm, you might be on to something there. heh heh heh

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I'm sitting here, bored, and I decide that I might be in the mood to get involved in the forum just a bit. I go in and start looking at some of the threads that interest me and.... They're full of bull shite! GRRAHH! Come on people! Can't we keep completely on topic AND avoid having back and forth arguements in the thread?

Lovely. For the last couple days my messed up tooth has been a little extra sore. Well, I was just brushing my teeth when I notice something sticking out a littled bit in the back of it. I assumed it was probably just a little piece from the little shards of root floating around up there so I try to angle it to pull it out, then I notice it's actually a big piece. So I work on getting it out and I finally succeed but that's when I realize that it's not a piece of the tooth at all, it was a chunk of the ceramic anchor the dentist put in. How the fuck did the anchor break?! I suppose that's either going to make it better or worse when I finally get in to see the dentist and after that I've decided to go see one sometime within the next couple weeks. The question is do I wait for my next paycheck or to go in the next few days?

Wow, there's brilliance for ya. I just decided to go check the balance in my checking account and typed in 'www.wellsfatgo.com".... *shakes head*

I went and finally bought myself an electric shaver yesterday, I had to let it charge for 24 hours right off so I didn't get to used it until just now. The manual says that you have to use it for a few weeks before your skin adjusts to it so that it does the job properly. As it is it does about as good of a job as a razor and if it gets no better at shaving me than it'll still be worth it since it'll be cheaper in the long run and it won't cause me problems like a regular razor will (I'm looking forward to not looking like a leper after shaving).

My brain won't come up with anything more to write than this. Later maybe.

You know, there really are some very unfortunate names/name combinations floating around out there. I was thinking about back when and I remembered one of the third grade teachers at Lincoln Elementary, he was pretty cool since he let us get on the computers before school to play games but he had a horrible name. Believe it or not, his name was Mel Lester. What kind of parents would name their child that? Ok, I'll be honest and admit that I think it would be funny to name my child that but I never would. Another intersting name I've come across was at the hotel. I had a guy call in to make a reservation and his name was Will (short for William, which I put on the reservation instead of Will) Dickman. I think the most unfortunate one I've come upon though is Betty Blower. You know that girl got tortured in high school. I also met a girl with the last name Doer (doo-er) and that might be right up there with Blower. All I can do is sit here and thank the powers that be that the worst anyone can make of my last name is a worn out tv reference.

I had a really different dream for me yesterday. It was violent which isn't off in the slightest but the violence was different. Normally it involves me beating the shit out of someone or something, or something along those lines. Not this one. For a lack of a better way to put it, it was calmly and eroticly violent and more sadistic than usual.



In the dream I'm in a threesome, in a way, it's more like me and some girl I'm with are raping another girl but not really rape because she's into it, I don't know how to explain it better. I've got her pinned to the wall while the girl I'm with is making out with her, what led up to that point you could basically describe as a three-way wrestling match. As they're making out I start screwing the girl I'm with from behind and as they both start to orgasm I grab her hair and yank her head back, then I lean forward to bite and tear out the throat of the chic we're doing. It's pretty gory and seems to make my girl a lot more aggressive. In the end we're both naked, covered in blood, and gently playing with each other while lying exhausted on the floor in more blood and we keep licking more of the blood off of each other. Needless to say that the other girl is dead.



I've had other dreams like this but none of them have ever been quite like this. I've had dreams that mixed vampirism and sex, violence and sex, and some that have mixed violence and vampirism but they were all different than this one. It was just really strange, it also turned me on more than any other dream or even conscious fantasy ever has.

You're constantly seeing adds on tv and the internet promoting one weight loss program or another and they all have true stories of amazing weight loss. Do you know what the one common factor is between these miracles? They were all done in combination with.. Dun dun dun duuuun! Proper diet and exercise!



Oh my god! Are you serious?



Yep, you'd better believe it! I've done it myself, lost just over 100lbs in 3 months!



Wow, that's amazing! What program did you use?



It's a secret but I'll tell you anyway. I used.... NO PROGRAM! That's right! No program!



Then how did it work?



It worked because these weight loss programs are scams for the most part. When you hear 'weight loss program' think scam! The part that helps you lose weight is what you should be doing anyway, the things those programs supply you with only help you MINIMALLY at best. What these programs do is take a minor weight loss aid and use it to capitalize on the vanity of the masses and the media-fuled fear of being overweight. You might find it interesting to know that at the point where you're considered overweight these days was considered normal 40 years ago. In fact, you'll find that the standard that most people go by for 'proper' weight is actually borderline malnurished and very unhealthy.

Ok, let's get something straight here people. If you are ever truly in love with someone than you don't stop. I hate it when people say things like "I used to love you but not anymore" because it's not true. You can hate what someone has become but if you ever truly loved that person than you will still feel something for them, most of the time that is the reason we feel so negatively about the bad choices and changes those people make. People say that love is the strongest emotion but that isn't true, it's just the longest lasting. Happiness, anger, and sadness are almost always temporary conditions but true love is not. In a blinding rage it is possible to forget love but once the anger is gone love is still there, the same goes for sadness. Another point I want to make, if somebody is physically or emotionally abusive they do not truly love the person they treat that way. Before anyone says anything about it, that does not mean S&M practitioners. S&M is something completely different than abuse. The emotions that somebody like that has for their victim are more along the lines of obsessive lust than love. There are some very rare exceptions to that where a person simply has extreme control issues but I repeat: that is very rare.



Ok, rant over.

Sheesh, what is the deal here? On a normal day I put off so much body heat that I'm basically a human space heater, if you're ever stranded with me you don't need to fear freezing to death, but here lately I've been producing enough that I swear I'm able to heat an entire room or more. Let's put it this way, covering up with an electric blanket is about what it's like to sit next to me normally but now it's more like covering up with 4 comforters and an electric blanket while lying on a heated mattress with bed irons at your feet.

Time for a little MMORPG, Perfect World here I come!

All I have to say is: chocolate butter slippery fiddly foofy poopy paper.

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Joli
16:00 Nov 01 2008

Careful with that...it could become Morrigon's pet name for you. Trust me on this!

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Morrigon
17:18 Nov 01 2008

tee hee

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placidchaos
22:50 Nov 02 2008

Well on the bright side, I have been called worse.

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Gah, I just don't get it. It's been 8, almost 9 months since I asked Tina out. I don't mind waiting for sex, I get that for the most part. I really do get most of her hang ups but I was really hoping after almost 9 months that she'd be at least a little more affectionate. Any time we kiss it's because I kiss her, not that she doesn't kiss back but it would be nice to be the kissee instead of the kisser once in a while. Or occasionally just coming over to me to cuddle, sit on my lap, or whatever. I just want some sort of initiative on her part to show her affection. I know, not your typical macho sentiments but I don't care. Would it be so hard for her to give me some kind of display? Am I just being irrational in this? It's hard for me to bring this up with her, I'm afraid that I'll hurt her feelings or put her on the spot. *sighs*

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SinginGhost88
03:02 Nov 01 2008

Hello its so not irrational but have you at least spoken to her about it?!?!



My sisters do that all the time, complain to me about things their BF do or dont do...



Also, i hate it if my BF doesnt seem at all interested in initiating affection bc it makes me feel like im not worth his time or effort...so i tell him...and he listenes and understand sooo



Talk to heeeeeer :P



by the way *hugs* hey LoL :P

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