The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I am so excited for next week! I have an appointment with the local Invent Help office Tuesday afternoon and am participating in an open mic night at a comedy club later that evening. Then, I have a job interview for a 2nd job on Friday. To finish out the week, I have Rockfest to go to Saturday since I was smart and bought my ticket months ago when I still had a little money to spare.

I feel like a broken record. All I think about is finding work that will pay what I need to do all I need and want to do, finding love, and moving out of my shitty apartment.

I have a friend who's behaving like a friend I had to watch while they destroyed theirself with meth and heroine, and they tell me not to worry. I tried to explain that they're giving me plenty of reason to worry since I've seen this behavior before, but they brush off my concerns. That only makes me worry more.

During my absence from here, I quite working at 7Eleven and became a bouncer. I enjoy my job even though I don't make enough money right now. I also took in and tried to help two different women only to have it backfire. The first one lied to and stole from me without ever paying me rent. I kicked her out obviously. The second one was a friend I was trying to help recover from meth and heroine and to get back on her feet. Long story short, it ended with me giving her an ultimatum of my way or the highway, and she chose the highway. Both of them made my life hell, and I've learned that lesson well. I also got a long-haired dachshund who I named Odin, he has been an unbelievable blessing even though training him has been a little frustrating at times. He turned 1 just last week and is a sweet little asshole. I sank into the worst depression I've ever experienced, and pushing myself to continue living was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I tried studying massage therapy and struggled just being in class, and I've come to accept that I cannot handle a traditional classroom environment. I dated a few different girls during the time, one crushed me more than I was willing to admit at the time and another played me (not something many people can do). Since I don't have a home internet connection, I've been spending most of my free time at home watching dvds, reading, listening to music, and playing with Odin. I found out that part of the reason I'm having such trouble finding a decent paying job is that there's another person with my frist/last name and date of birth with a felony record, and it's popping up on a lot of my background checks. In December of last year and during the height of my depression, I went from using weed to abusing it. The first thing I would do in the morning is get baked, and I would smoke myself back to sleep in about 2 hours and continue to do that all day until I had to go to work.



I broke. There's no other way to look at it. I finally snapped and couldn't handle life, but I recovered. Now, I'm doing everything I can to get my shit right. I'm putting much more effort into finding a second job, and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life in a serious way. I got a car with decent mpg, and I'm working to get out of my roach infested ghetto apartment. I can't say that I'm any happier now than I was a few months ago, but I found my will again. Thanks to a good friend, I was reminded of something important: I may stumble, but I never fall. I keep walking if for no other reason than because I keep walking, and I will never give up even if I really want to at times. I am strong, and I am becoming even stronger now.