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placidchaos's Journal



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34 entries this month
 

Warning: Sexual content

00:09 Jun 27 2007
Times Read: 792


God I'm sooo horny. Yesterday I masturbated 4 times and twice today already. I feel like I need to again! My mind keeps turning to sex too, which isn't helping. I think I'm going to buy a toy or two to help.


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Selfish?

07:35 Jun 26 2007
Times Read: 794


This is the first night in the last week or two that we haven't stayed up all night talking. I sat here watvhing my shows and enjoying a little solitude. It was kinda nice since I haven't had any by myself time in a while, yet it didn't feel right. I felt a little lonely and I kept looking at my messenger to see if she came online. *chuckles* I guess I'm hooked. Even though she needed rest, I wish that I hadn't told her to go to sleep.


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Playing Cupid

02:07 Jun 22 2007
Times Read: 799


I was at Best Buy today, bought Naruto Vol 10 dvd. There was only one cashier at the time and he was talking to a girl. As I walked up:



Cashier: I"ll see ya tomorrow I've got a customer.



Girl: K, you're off tomorrow right?



Cashier: Yeah.



Girl: *grabs his hand and leans into him as she

stands on tip toe to hug him, gives him a peck on the cheek at the edge of his lips* I'll see you tomorrow. *walks toward door*



Cashier: *walks to register, watching her over his shoulder*



Me: Is that your girl friend?



Cashier: I wish, no she's just my best friend.



Me: Why?





Cashier: She doesn't like me that way.



Me: Dude, you're a dumb ass.



Cashier: Why?



Me: Oh my god dude, she was totally fishing for a kiss just then.



Cashier: Really?



Me: Straight up.



Girl: *stops at door and looks back, bites lower lip*



Me: That right there, dude, you dumb ass, go kiss her.



Cashier: I... *bites lip, walks out from behind counter* Hey Lisa.



Girl: *turns around, walks back to him* Yes? *bites lip, fidgets with bracelet*



Cashier: Umm, I... *grabs her hand and kisses her*



Girl: *glares at him and slaps him* It's about fucking time! *stands on tip toe to kiss him again* Call me later?



Cashier: Cool. *grinning like an idiot* Later. *walks back to counter, face welting* Dude, you... You fucking rock man! *rings up dvd, hits button* 10.59



Me: Not that I'm complaining, but the shelf said 14.99



Cashier: Dude, after that, I owe you, no way your paying full price.



Me: Aight, thanks man. *exchange money, leave*



Man, cupid must not have to ever pay for anything. I should do that more often, lol. First time I've ever done that with a complete stranger, it actually felt kinda good.

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Happy, hyper, and random

08:13 Jun 20 2007
Times Read: 803


I've got a pickle, I've got a pickle, I've got a pickle, hey hey hey hey! lol, Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think Imust have annoyrd the shit out of my co-worker tonight, but she made the mistake of asking. They ask and you shall recieve, if that's true, than why haven't I got a million dollars yet?

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear, five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year? I like that song, had to sing it in 7th grade chorus. I miss playing the viola, I was good at it!! Speaking of music, I got overtime today. It's a good thing even if it is because one of my co-workers is suffering. OMG, the assistant manager basically gave me permission to hurt my obnoxious co-worker, booya!! Suddenly I'm hungry, lol. Omg are you actually reading this? Here's a gold star!!! Oi!! I can't sit still!!


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20:31 Jun 19 2007
Times Read: 807


I woke up this morning to get the most wonderful surprise! My Darling called me! YAY! She has a very beautiful voice, I am so happy. So far all that has come with today is GOOD!


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About me quiz

08:59 Jun 19 2007
Times Read: 813


About Me Personality Quiz
What Is Your Name?:Placidchaos by choice and personality, my givenname I will not put
How Old Are You?:20
When Is Your Birthday?:6/15
What Is Your Zodiac Sign?:Gemini
Where Were You Born?:central Iowa
What Color Eyes Do You Have?:vibrant deep blue to bluish steel grey
What Color Is Your Hair?:blonde
How Tall Are You?:5' 11" ?
How Much Do You Weigh?:235 lbs
What Is You Ethnicity?:mut, mostly Irish and german
What Is Your Worst Fear?:
What Is Your Greatest Achievement?:depends on what you consider a great achievement, but I'm proud to hav scored higher than 98% on annual standardized tests in school and near perfect on the asvab
Are You Dependable And/Or Trustworthy?:Yes
If You Had A Choice About How You Were Going To Die What Would It Be?:hmmm
Do You Suffer From Depression And/Or Anxiety?:no
Have You Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?:no, no offense to anyone, but I view it as a coward's escape
Have You Ever Purposely Caused Harm To Yourself Or Someone Else?:yes, but they had it coming
Are You A Paranoid Person?:not particularly
Do You Get Jealous Of Other People?:not so much
Are You Obsessive And/Or Compulsive?:from time to time, I count my stairs though
Are You Hyper Active?:I have ADHD, what do you think?
Are You A Violent Person?:by nature yes, but I contain it
Do You Take Your Anger Out On Other People?:only if they're the cause
Do You Blame Other People For Your Mistakes?:in jest
What Is Your Favorite Strategy Game?:chess
What Is Your Favorite Movie?:who knows
Who Is Your Favorite Band?:Evanescence
What Is Your Favorite Song?:hmmm
Who Is Your Favorite Actor/Actress?:none
Who Is Your Favorite Celebrity?:no one
What is Your Favorite Color?:I have several
What Is Your Favorite Food?:it's a toss up, pizza or my home made beef and noodles
What Is Your Favorite Drink?:Coca-Cola
Are You A Virgin?:no
Are You Kinky?:only certain women know
Do You Masturbate?:yes
Do You Watch Pornography?:sometimes
Have You Ever Dyed Your Hair An Unusual Color?:not really
Have You Ever Shaved Your Hair In A Socially Unacceptable Way?:no
Do You Have Any Religious Beliefs?:not specifically
Do You Have Any Self Inflicted Scars?:kinda
Does Pain Turn You On?:let me check... yes
Do You Stand For Originality And/Or Creativity?:definitely
What Do You Like Most About Life?:beauty
What Do You Dislike Most About Life?:mankind
Have You Ever Pierced A Body Part Yourself?:not technicaly
Have You Ever Hd To Beg For Dinner Money?:no
Do You Own A Car?:yes
Have You Ever Been To Jail, Yet?:no, I'm anonymous in the crimes I've committed
Do You Have Actual Scars From Hardcore Shows?:nah
Have You Ever Had To Vomit While Making Out?:no, and I hope I never do
Have You Ever Held A Job For Less Than A Day?:no
Have You Ever Felt You Had To Fuck Stuff Up For No Good Reason?:had to, no. done it anyway, yes
Have You Ever Been Kicked Out Of Your Parents House?:no, until a little over a year ago I paid all the bills
Have You Ever Been Fired From Your Job Because Of Your Attitude?:no
Have You Ever Been Fired From A Job On Your Off Day?:nope
What Is Your Sexual Orientation?:straight but a little curious
What Is Your Occupation?:umm, cashier/pizza maker
Does The World Piss You Off?:from time to time
If You Were A Seriel Killer Who Would You Be?:me as a serial killer, which I don't see happening
If You Were To Kill Someone How Would You Do It?:depends
What Would You Do With The Body?:feed it to hogs at a confinement, they'll eat it bones and all
If You Were Gonna Commit Suicide How Would You Do It?:I wouldn't
What Is Your Ultimate Goal In Life?:hmm, do you have to have an "ultimate" goal?
If You Had A Chance To Meet Anyone You Want Alive Or Dead Who Would It Be?:
Do You Have Any Tattoos And/Or Piercings?:1 tattoo and 1 piercing so far
What Is Your Favorite TV Show?:I don't know anymore
What Is Your Favorite Book?:hmm, there are several
Do You Smoke?:once in a while, pipe tobacco cigars
Do You Drink?:I haven't yet
Do You Use Illegal Drugs?:I haven't yet
Do You Party Alot?:I don't like preps and this is prepsville, take a guess
Did You Graduate High School?:yes, early
Do You Have A Nickname?:a few
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

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18:19 Jun 18 2007
Times Read: 818


I just got some wonderful news!!! I don't need a passport which means we won't have to wait 13 weeks, YAY!!!


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08:49 Jun 17 2007
Times Read: 823


I've never needed anything or anyone so badly as I do now. I think I'm going to cry. What do I do? What can I do?


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Sigh

07:35 Jun 17 2007
Times Read: 824


I'm so lost in my own thoughts and needs I can't even hold a decent conversation for long. I hate it when I'm like this.


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A quick vent

06:45 Jun 17 2007
Times Read: 826


I'm soooo bored! Not necessarily just now, but in general. As previously stated, Iowa is dull! It makes me so frustrated, and being really horny isn't helping!


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A conversation at work

05:45 Jun 17 2007
Times Read: 830


I'm cleaning and listening to music on my mp3 player.



Co-worker: What ya listening to?



Me: Right now, Tears of Pearl by Savage Garden.



Co-worker: Are you serious?



Me: Yes, why?



Co-worker: Dude, no real goth would listen to that.



Me: Is that so? Well, I never claimed to be goth.



Co-worker: But you wear black all the time.



Me: And? Let me tell you something, if you think goth people wouldn't listen to that, you're very mistaken. They listen to all types of music. Most real goth people won't call themselves goth either, if you ask they'll most likely say something like, "I'm me, not a label".



Co-worker: Well, what are you then and if you're not goth, why do you wear black all the time?

(Co-worker's gf walks up)



Me: If there were a label to be put on me, the closest fitting would be goth, but again, I'm not a label. As far as the black goes, being goth doesn't necessarily mean you wear black, I've seen some wear some vivid colors. Also, wearing black doesn't mean you're goth. I have my own reasons for wearing it.



Co-worker: Like what?



Me: For one, I just like it. I'm most comfortable in it or other darker and sober colors. Plus, I don't consider myself to be attractive. In all black, I will say I'm fine.



Co-worker's gf: That's what you think.



Co-worker: What does that mean? *scowling*



Co-worker's gf: Nothing, I'm just saying he's cute, and a little sexy. Even more so with that lip ring.









I don't get why people have to stereotype. People are people not labels, labels are just descriptions. Ok, I really don't see why I'm "cute" or "sexy" but I've decided I'm just going to have to accept it. This is the 4th girl this week to say something along those lines, what is it?

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Iowa Fucking Sucks!

01:51 Jun 16 2007
Times Read: 834


This pisses me the fuck off! How can it be that there is nothing to do on a friday night? The only local clubs that are open on fridays are 21 and up. I'm so bored and there's nothing to do! This place is fucking dry for fun, I've got to get out of here.

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08:53 Jun 15 2007
Times Read: 837


I don't have any idea why, but my stress levels are up. I decided to tes my blood pressure at the pharmacy section of Wal-Mart and it was just a little high which is unusual for me. I've also been clenching my jaw alot as a result and it hurts. What's the deal?


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Soy triste, no comprende por que.

04:52 Jun 15 2007
Times Read: 847


Por que? Que esta la problema? Necesito usted. Esta es muy espcial y importante. Abra los ojos. Comparta su sufrimiento. No comprende por que. Por favor, revela esta a me. Que no desea mas?


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I don't know.

06:27 Jun 14 2007
Times Read: 853


I felt lost today for some reason, couldn't really pin point why. My mind kept running circles trying to nail it. I don't know. I seemed really different today, almost like I wasn't me, or that's the way I saw it. I kept thinking things I wouldn't normally think, and I felt like just walking out of work for no reason. I don't know what the deal is, wonder if it is connected to last night? *sighs* I don't know. I still feel lost.


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06:18 Jun 13 2007
Times Read: 856


I don't know what this is, but it feels really fucking good. At about 9:30 I decided to go for a walk and got back about midnight. I was listening to my music and singing (even though I'm constantly told I don't sing well). The more I walked, the more I wanted to walk. I started really getting into the music. I don't know what came over me, but it was like something snapped. I feel powerful, invincible, unstoppable, and limitless. I don't know why or if it's connected, but I felt like walking off into the night, I didn't want to stop. Whatever this is it has had a profound effect.


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I don't know.

05:35 Jun 12 2007
Times Read: 860


I'm already tired of a job I've only had for about 3 weeks. I'm not sure if I should witch or wait a while longer. I think a big part of it is that I'm restless here. Combine that with the bore and annoying co-workers and ther ya go.


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Thes words are just so fitting.

20:19 Jun 11 2007
Times Read: 865


Sting – Desert Rose



I dream of rain

I dream of gardens in the desert sand

I wake in vain

I dream of love as time runs through my hand



I dream of fire

Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire

And in the flames

Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire



This desert rose

Each of her veils, a secret promise

This desert flower

No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this



And as she turns

This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams

This fire burns

I realize that nothing's as it seems



I dream of rain

I dream of gardens in the desert sand

I wake in vain

I dream of love as time runs through my hand



I dream of rain

I lift my gaze to empty skies above

I close my eyes

This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of her love



I dream of rain

I dream of gardens in the desert sand

I wake in vain

I dream of love as time runs through my hand



Sweet desert rose

Each of her veils, a secret promise

This desert flower

No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this



Sweet desert rose

This memory of Eden haunts us all

This desert flower

This rare perfume, is the sweet intoxication of the fall

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16:43 Jun 11 2007
Times Read: 876


I got to see her last night! It was awesome, everytime she smiled my heart did a little flitter. Last night was just wonderful. I am so happy right now, all my dreams kept turning to her, I woke up smiling this morning. *sighs contentedly*











Personal edit: I just noticed that my journal posts have become way more light hearted than they were before, see what you've done! *kisses*

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It just occurred to me.

01:55 Jun 11 2007
Times Read: 891


My birthday is friday. I haven't celebrated a birthday since I was 13. They have become somewhat meaningless to me overtime. This year I'll be turning 20, that's two decades I've been alive. That just seems like a landmark to me for some reason. I have worked my last seven birthdays, but by coincidence I have this friday off. For the first time in several years I am actually happy to be alive, so I think that I'm going to celebrate this one!


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A little old-fashioned maybe, but I'm still right.

00:27 Jun 11 2007
Times Read: 892


I just wonder, why do you hardly ever see a girl wear a dress, full skirt, or a nice pair of jeans? Most seem to wear mini-skirts or raggedy/loose fitting jeans. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy of course I like mini-skirts, I'm just saying it would be nice to see a girl wear a pair of Levi's more often. Most girls who look good in a mini-skirt look drop-dead gorgeous in a dress, I'm not saying it/they have to be all girly girl. For example: a girl came into my store today wearing a full black dress, she had her nose; eyebrow; lip; and five spots on her ears pirced, she had tattoos, and she stunning in the dress. Mini-skirts can be good, but in this case there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.


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A message post

12:33 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 896


ok, if you think you want the answer you can ask.


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ummmmmmm...

10:41 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 899


Hey, you can't ask me about this one, you know who you are. Sorry.































I feel so happy and good, yet I'm frustrated. I don't blame anyone, but I can't help this feeling. Everytime, I feel this way because of this I feel a little gulty too. *sighs* maybe in time.


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*sighs happily*

07:23 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 902


YAY!! How can something so simple mean so much? I feel so much better now.


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Lonliness

06:56 Jun 09 2007
Times Read: 904


It was waiting for me all day, just waiting for me to come home. The stress and frustration of the day had helped make it strong. At first it was held off by hope, but that hope was lost. In that moment it came crushing down on me like 5 tons of bricks. *sighs desolately*


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*Sighs*

08:02 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 908


Lord I hate when I get like this! It drives me nuts. I feel the urge to write but I can't settle my thoughts enough. Everytime I start a poem I get two lines in and can't finish, if I try to write a story I have the same problem or it gets a little incoherent. *sighs*


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delusional people

05:53 Jun 08 2007
Times Read: 911


Something I have to say, and this amuses me a little. Ok people, if you go into a store to buy alcohol and/or tobacco, unless the clerk asks to see your id they don't feel it's necessary. If you think that they should have then you either don't look as young as you think or they are a good judge of age. Don't hand it to them unless they ask because I can tell you first hand that they don't care if they don't ask.


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A little unusual for me

18:33 Jun 07 2007
Times Read: 914


Not feeling so well today, my head hurts from sinus pressure. I need to take some medicine but... It doesn't help that I'm feeling a little stressed for some unknown reason. Despite this, I feel happy and ready to take on what comes my way. Strange isn't it? I feel like going for a road trip! *looks in wallet* Wait, I take that back.


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What is it?

00:40 Jun 07 2007
Times Read: 921


Today when a customer came into my store she brought her 3 kids in with her, I'll come right out and say they were being brats. She and I got into a discussion about unruly kids. I told her about my nephew, he has a tendency to wonder off in stores and misbehave. I've got him to the point where all I have to do now is firmly say "Sean, two inch rule!" and he won't move more than a couple inches from my side, what's interesting is that it doesn't work for either parent and they end up having to spank him. When I told her that she laughed and said "I doubt that would work on my kids, but you can go for it if you want." All I did is look at them and say with a firm and slightly raised voice "Hey kids, your mother asked you to go to the car sit and behave, now do it." She and I both watched in awe as all three of them quieted down and went to the car.

How do I do it? I know I'm not that intimidating to children, I have yet to actually meet one who didn't like me. So what is it?


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The price I pay

18:25 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 927


Oh lord after last night and today... I am sore and I'm not sure how much more I can take! The need is so stong I can't believe it! Oh but it is so worth it.


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Alone

14:58 Jun 05 2007
Times Read: 930


After lastnight I had Some interesting dreams. They I thought they were real. Reality hit when Ilooked over and I was by myself. I almost cried from the pain that caused. Something must change.


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Just thinking.

08:01 Jun 04 2007
Times Read: 936


I am protective of those I care about, it is my nature and my desire to safeguard them and be there for them. I have run over two miles to help a friend in need before, and I can't even run a whole mile. When I can't drop everything and be there, my concern for them is even stronger. How can I not worry when you are there and I am here?


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HOLY SHIT, it's a miracle! I'm truly happy!

18:45 Jun 01 2007
Times Read: 944


As mentioned in my previous entry, I have rented a room from my father for the last 1 1/2 years. It's been $150 a month, which is really really cheap. I also mentioned that I'm going to have to start paying more, $420 a month, which is still cheap. Until I moved in here, I had lived with my mother, supporting her since I was 14. I had been dealing with the "real world" and it forced me to "grow up." When I moved here that changed, I was shielded from the "real world" in a way. I became frivolous with my money, before I realized it I was trying to make up for my lost years. As a result of recent events I had to make myself a budget today like I used to when living with my mother. I dreaded it once I realized I needed to, but when I started it was like a revelation. My lack of responsibility had actually been holding me back and I had been blind to it. Since I moved here I have felt like there was a piece of me lost somewhere, and now I know why. When I shut myself off from the "real world" I had left there a piece of my personality that had developed. I had felt the same way when living with my mother too, I found that piece by moving here. Now that I have both pieces I feel more content and, dare I say it, happy, than I have in about 6 years. To add to it, after working up my budget I can still save up to go on the trip I've started planning, YAY! Despite my father and his gf going through some hardship, this has been a wonderful week for me. Even though I feel bad for them I can't help but feel great, and you've been a big part of the happy (you know who you are). lol

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06:24 Jun 01 2007
Times Read: 935


*sighs* For a little over a 1 1/2 years I've been sub-renting from my father, since I was only actually paying for one room it was really cheap. Now, unfortunately, I'll have to start paying more. Recently my dad's gf had to leave work due to clots in her legs, the doctor gave her a conditional work release that her work said they couldn't do. She filed for unemployment and was originally approved, then because of an error by her boss they revoked the approval. In order for us not to get evicted I'm actually going to have to pay full rent, it's still not expensive, but...

Looks like I might have to get a temporary part-time job until everything clears up. *sighs* Things aren't going the way I need them to. Oh well, I can make things work like I always have. Well, I think it's time for me to go to bed, I'm unusually tired and I can't sleep in tomorrow.


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