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I've been feeling a little off the last few days. I took some time this weekend to do absolutely nothing but relax, and it helped me feel a lot better. Now, I'm not sure how to describe how I feel.



My first day back to work, I was in a great mood. I actually enjoyed being there and the challenge of keeping up with the lunch rush. By the end of the day, I was feeling a little worn out. I didn't feel like I had much patience left at the end either.



Then, a small annoyance happened, and I lost it. I guess I didn't lose control completely. I still had enough to keep myself from taking my anger out on anyone. I basically threw a little bit of a tantrum for a lack of a better way to deal with the rage I suddenly felt. I just sceamed. Thankfully, the few people near me were smart enough not to approach me.



I'm hoping this was an isolated incident, I can't afford to snap like that. I am a little worried. It wasn't anything that happened that day that was the real cause, that last thing managed to pop the top on some ridiculously strong anger that I didn't know was there, and I don't know what it's about. It's still there now, I can feel it. I just don't know what to do about it.



On the other hand, I DO feel so much better in general. I've got a lot more motivation than I've had for a while. There are certain things that were bothering me a lot that aren't on my mind anymore too.

Last night, I had a dream that I kissed my best friend. We were chilling like we do all the time, and we were talking. As we were talking, I suddenly realized how close we were. The next thing I knew, we were kissing.



It was a good dream, but it was really frustrating too. It was like being teased. I want to kiss her so bad. I've wanted to kiss her since the day I met her.



I feel like I keep falling more an more in love with her. When I first realized that I was developing feelings for her, I thought it was just because she was there and I was lonely. I'm nowhere near as sure of that as I was.



The whole time I'm awake, I think of her. When I sleep, she's in almost all of my dreams. The only other person who ever occupied my thoughts this much is Christina.

Sometimes, I feel like devouring the world.

My insecurity and my vanity have been in serious conflict lately. Now, they've entered negotiations to decide who's got the power...

I put on a bit of a cam show on an adult dating site I'm on last night. It was fun, I've always been an exhibitionist. When I finished, I left my cam on. It makes chatting with people more interesting I think. I got a little annoyed and logged off after a bit though. People kept bugging me to put on another show, and at least half the people who did were women...



o_O I'm not used to that. I mean, I'm used to all the asinined male pervs doing that, but I've never had women go all pervy on me like that. It wouldn't have botherd me so much if I hadn't JUST done a solo show. It's one thing to keep going when I have a partner, but I lose the desire and motivation to be sexual for a little bit after I take care of myself. When I tried to explain that, nobody listened.



Me being me, I got to feeling horny again a couple hours later, and I decided to go put on the second show everybody asked for. I couldn't keep aroused though. This guy from NY kept bugging me because he wanted me to get with his wife, and other people were bugging me with requests and demands.