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i was making a stamp...

just fartin' around and

then BAM!

my poor little ole laptop

had a stroke...

how sad

(heavy sighs, daddy-ohs,

heavy size...)

but now the house is too,

too terribly quiet...and i can

hear myself

smoking...

inhaling...

the gerbils in the kitchen...

faking their escape....

never going anywhere when it works

and they get out...

they plop onto the linoleum

and just sit there

gone all tharn...

what a waste of effort...

i wish the air would come back on...

sometimes, okay alot,

i wonder why post any bits of a

journal here on line...

if i want the world to see my

hidden bits, i'd just staple

copies of my diary radomly to

telephone poles around town

and invite comments...

here's what i was thinking

when no one else was around

and i wrote it down, all to myself and

now?

now i'm going to make it completely

public and act like it's really dark and

secret things i'm sharing with you...

well, that's a rant...

but seriously...

does anyone really believe what

we're seeing here?

does anyone of us really believe

we are getting the unvarnished truth

behind a person, when we know

that people don't even give you

that face to face??

not to diminish what is going on here,

i feel like i am making connections,

but out of the past 11 yrs i've been

with my husband, i have only ever

made one friend...and at that, it was

only very recently, so he thought i

was never going to make a friend!

now he's picking on me like a dork,

teasing me, but

the thing is, here is where i socialize now...

here is my coffee shop, my bar...

my cheers, but just like those places,

i am not seeing you (whoever "you" are)

at home...you may be there in your pj's

but i only see what you put out there...

i am no exhibitionist, i'm putting stuff out

there, but its crafted...i don't think i am

the only one...but

this entry is more or less a test anyway...

i don't think anyone is watching...

COMMENTS

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voodoochile
19:46 Aug 25 2009

Yep..you're wrong ~grins~

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paxnor
02:54 Aug 26 2009

...i don't doubt it for a minute...

:)

but which part?

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deathnitegrl
20:39 Aug 29 2009

I watched!

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some things i've been

working on....

so i thought i was going to start this

great story and i've got rough

notes and vagueness-es and

still nothing posted...

i'm thinking of how to deliver

it...i was thinking of something

like a radio play, but written,

still really mostly concerned with dialogue

maybe i'm just trying to come up

with a way to avoid describing

settings...i've always prefered

the mix in a graphic novel, but

they're soooooooo done and i

don't know that i've got enough for

full-on stories...they just always seem

to be snippets of conversation...

i am definitely going to begin

what i hope will become a full and

complete story…i feel foolish…

oh well…

:)

COMMENTS

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Bloodmother
18:37 Aug 09 2009

just do it.

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i hate it when i wallow,

where do you go to get

away from yourself?

it should be the easiest

thing in the world, i see

who i want to be, i know

exactly what i should do,

and here i sit...just staring at

the do-ers of the world...

so freaking foreign...so

absolutely uncomfortable in

my own skin...

there's not enough drugs

in the world to make me

feel at home in

my own mind...

and the inescapable

feeling that i'm totally full

of bullshit...

what is truth?

COMMENTS

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MissSacha
16:43 Aug 10 2009

the truth is, acknowledge and accept the madness, then carry on.. Swallow it whole like the serpent eats his meal. Let it slide on down like the smoke you inhale .. but upon exhale.. swallow it all throughly and carry on with the demon inside of you.. Only you know of his existance, I can assure you of that.. then finish what you have started...

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paxnor
04:12 Aug 12 2009

...thank you...

it's logically sound...

i like it...

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