The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Okay so here I am sitting at my computer and in the back of my head I feed the urge to write something down. Something in the back of my head is screaming to get out and let the world know what I am thinking. The funny thing is that whatever it is that is in there, my brain isn’t telling me. And now that I am sitting down in front of the computer, the mind is now not wanting to let the, whatever it is, come out.



I know that there are a lot of things on my mind at the moment and I need to sort them out. So let’s see. First is the graphic novel I am trying to write. I have the idea in my head the hard part is putting the story I see in my head onto paper. The thing of each panel and what needs to be seen to tell a story. I’m a film student so when I see things I see them in movie form, not a still photo every now and then to tell a story STAN LEE HELP ME!!!!! And damn right I have requested him to be a friend, but as of yet no response.



So still I have the story in my head screaming to get out but the converting the movie in my head to comic form is proving to be a real bitch. Of course the G/F asks me how it’s going and I keep telling her that I have the story finished. I just don’t know how to explain that I have no fucking clue how to make it into a comic. So the process is really slow. I mean REALLY slow.



Then there is the Vampire LARP I am getting started. I have received some positive response about the game and believe that I just might get a few people to show up for it. The other day I got a message from a lady who has started another LARP in the area and the story lines are fairly the same. So the offer was put out to have both games be in the same world so players can go to both games for more LARP goodness.



It all sounds good and everything, but I am worries. I don’t want my LARP to be just and annex to theirs, nor do I want theirs to be an annex to mine. A lot of time when something like this happens it becomes one LARP and someone, somewhere gets the short end of the stick. I have worked long and hard to get the history and game set up for good game play. I have about 30 or so plots ready to be introduced and well over 300 custom NPCs in the world. I have sat down and made house rules to avoid cheese, meta gamers and power players. I would hate to see all that lost, as I am sure they would as well.



Then there is the LASH (Live Action Survival Horror) “Risen”. It is a Zombie hunt/dungeon crawl. The concept is just so damn kick ass. I mean the rules are simple enough for anyone to understand, and they are one shot characters. They don’t want you to get too attached to your character because the odds of survival are not good. Of course that makes it all the more fun.



So why am I bothered by it? Because I am seeing it being wasted. I can get a group of make up special effects friends I know and they can make the zombies look so real. Better props can be made. When I say better I mean looking more realistic. And the plot can be improves so much. That is not to say that the plot is good already. I just want to scream knowing what it could be turned into.



Then there are little bits of stories going through my head that want to get out and written down. Of course I can’t do anything with them at the moment. That would put WAY too much on my plate. I’m already building a house, HSTing a vampire LARP and trying to write a graphic novel (which I think making a movie out of it might be the way to go.) But I am making this to sell, to make money off of it. A graphic novel would sell a LOT better then a movie.



Then there is the problem the I am second guessing myself on a lot of things. I doubt myself on so many things. I question if what I am doing is right.



There is the fact that some people are too creative. I am one of those people. I have a bit of talent in so many fields yet no follow through.



Okay I’m done.

Every now and then there is something you want that you just can’t have no matter what. We are talking something that you want so bad you can taste it. Hell you almost need it. And yet, it is forever going to be out of reach. Almost like St George and his dragon. Always teasing you but safely out of your reach.



Somehow it leaves a foul taste in your mouth. The more you hunger for it, the more you need it, the more you know that it just ain’t going to happen. The need just grows and grows with each passing day. The urge and need to have it and know that you shall forever be denied it for all of you life. It is a curse or just a cruel form or torture that God like to play on a few select mortals?



So what does one do? How can someone go one knowing that the one thing they need, they are never going to get? How does one go through day by day with that curse? And then to see people with it every day. Knowing that whenever you go out in public you are going to see people with it, and you are forever forbidden from having it?



It haunts my dreams. It wanders into my mind day and night. I talk with friends and it is there to tease me. I go to the movies and it is there on the silver screen. On TV, in books and countless other places. It is everywhere and unobtainable at the some time. It is like being stranded in the middle of the ocean. Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.



So what do I do? Do I cry myself to sleep every night? Do I scream at the evil I have been dealt? Do I try to just take it and hope that everything turns out ok? There is no simple answer.



I am cursed. I am St George and I shall forever quest for my dragon, and know full well that I shall never find my goal. I know I shall die knowing that the one thing I want so much I shall never have.