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Today is an emptiness punctuated with a headache as the only reminder that I am still alive. A twinge of pain ran cold through me for a second as the face of his corpse flashed through my mind just as I had found him 3 months ago. I had managed to keep myself busy enough that it had finally been days since he last haunted me like this. There came an in between time after the first week had gone by, when the horror was still fresh in my mind but the condolences came to an end and I was left alone to my grief. Those were the days when at times I thought I was the ghost.

After several months, I was reaching out for any comfort. My resting heart rate was a nervous bird in a cage, fast and fluttering. It was as if Death lurked between the beats. Finally my chance had come at last! Feeling as though there was nothing to lose, I accepted invitation into open arms that would love away the cold shadow of death that chased me.

It was on that bare twin mattress laid out on the floor that he just held me until nothing mattered. Like a half frozen bird found in the snow, he held me in his hands until the warmth of him melted my heart. "Peace", it said, "be still"!

Something inside me woke up from a long sleep. It took several visits to realize it but there was a beast in him much like my own that started a fire within me. Weeks it has been without his touch that I yearn for more than I should and with a hunger unquenching. Weeks are filled with burning questions and days too long left alone with the turned heads of false friends once more leaving me to my grief and half healed wounds that threaten to bleed. Only the new unending delicious agony is left to warm me.

After the literal death of a long relationship, things begin to awaken in me again that I had thought were gone with fading memories. A familiar hunger grows and consumes me yet I am alone.

COMMENTS

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LadySylvania
20:05 May 06 2023

I get what your saying here!

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