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10 entries this month
no title
21:34 Mar 30 2005
Times Read: 674
well everyone is out, dunno where they are cause earlier my sis was slamming doors, mum was getting really pissed and as i was coming up to my room there was shouting so god knows, dad has gone somewhere he wasnt here when all that took place.
so its all fun, i was going to ring mum and find out where everyone was but cant be bothered now cause i know everyone is pissed off with life now especially me, and i have told them all numorous times but nevermind, im sure it will all turn out like its meant to, lol should be something to look forward to i suppose.
think i just heard the door, might as well see whos there.
abortion
00:33 Mar 29 2005
Times Read: 677
Did u ever wish that ur mum had an abortion or just never had u, cause that’s the way I feel and I even told my mum that just now, I asked her why didn’t she have an abortion which I suppose was a bit harsh but still I meant it cause I don’t see why she had me I really don’t, but her choice I suppose I never really had a choice to weather I wanted to be born or not.
The internet rules are being broken still, but that’s nothing new, my life really has not improved at all, its just getting worse, im feeling less and less each day and the funny thing is I don’t even care bout it, im just going with the flow so bring on tomorrow I cant wait lol, yeah right.
lonely
13:41 Mar 28 2005
Times Read: 679
well i got 2 days off work now, i go back wednesday and already i am bored beyond belief, my only escape being able to come on here but none of my friends being on cause of the time difference, plus im not a very good convosationalist, so all i say is hi and how are u and hope they take it from there.
to tell the truth i am a very lonely person, the friends i have down here have either moved away or have lives of their own to live so i have lost contact with them, i mean i talk to them on the phone but even that has become less and less frequent.
i sit in at nights when all the rest are out doing whatever they do, but that aint for me im not one to go out unless i have people to go out with, i dont drink much cause to be honest i cant really stand drinking now its lost its appeal to me.
the one thing that i keep on hoping for i think is one of those chance meetings where u just get talkin to a girl in the street and it kind of leads on from there like exchanging numbers and stuff u know, but that is a fools hope since really i gave up on love a long time ago, but that fools hope still lies within me however stupid it might be.
weekend, and rules
21:32 Mar 27 2005
Times Read: 680
Well the weekend has been a peaceful one I suppose, no one has bothered me and the weather has been good, the nights have been very nice the moon has been shining through my window through the clouds and Friday night the sky was clear so u could even see the stars, it was absolutely beautiful.
The only down fall has been my sister and parents, I have very little respect for my parents, ever since my sister got on the internet she has never stuck to the deal that we all came up with regarding times that we are allowed on and what does my mum and dad do bout it, nothing at all, I mean she is only going on to talk to her mates and they live only 10 or 15 mins away from her, we agreed that she could go on till 7 on weeknights and then id go on till 10, if it was not for the fact that she had to be somewhere at 7.30 she would never be off the computer, she left it till 7.30 one night and my mum did nothing about it, I had to keep on at her for her to tell my sister to get off it, but I still had to be off at 9 then, so she could go back on till 10 I mean where is the sense in that, the deal has been broke every night last week and im getting sick and tired of it, I keep expecting them to do something about it but do they fuck.
She will get a surprise one night cause ill just pull the phone line straight out, see how they like that.
All the mates I have are either in the uk or the states, not a 10 or 15 min walk from my house like my sisters are, the people I know from the uk are nearly a 7 hour coach trip from me so I cant exactly go and talk to them face to face can I, but I dunno seeing all how they do what u supposedly call parenting makes me never want to have kids at all, not that I ever did anyway cause I don’t, might as well let them get on with it cause I have told them that I don’t care how they do things from no on anyway as long as they leave me alone ill leave them alone, aint worked yet though cause for some odd reason they cant seem to leave me alone.
changed
06:31 Mar 23 2005
Times Read: 681
Well lets see whats happened so far this week shall we.
Well first off im back in work after having the week off with flu, and whats the first thing they all start asking “are u better?”, as if im going to go back to work if im still ill, I may need the job and money but not at the expense of myhelth, cause if I was to die the money would do me little good.
Also I find out that the guy who temporarily took my place packing is still there, which I don’t mind cause I hate doing it, but there is nothing for me to do which means having to share the packing job which to be honest u really don’t need 2 guys to do one job, but its handy if they are in a rush for stuff although it aint happened yet, and the really stupid part is that the units that go into containers I find myself doing by myself cause the other guy aint tall enough to pack them, im barley able to reach in myself but never mind, someones got to do it and it might aswell be me.
I find myself every night now in darkness with only candle light to light my room, I dunno why but it helps me maintain a peace in my life that I never knew was there before, its like in everything I do now im finding a new perspective on it all, work, the way I live my life even walking down the street, its like I can willingly block out certain things that I don’t want to hear or see.
One thing remains in my life though, and that’s a loneliness which I cant seem to fill, every night I just wish that I had a girl next to me who loved me and who I loved just to hold each other and be together, I just want to hold her and to be held by her, a girl who can love me as much as I would love her, I know she exists somewhere out there, knowing my luck though somewhere far, far away.
As for the rest of the week, well I shall continue it as I have so far, with this new found peace that I have and hope that it lasts, cause I really don’t want to go back to the way I was.
this week sucks
12:01 Mar 16 2005
Times Read: 685
Since satuarday i have been down with the flu and i still have it now, cause of it i have to miss a week off work so that aint fun at all, they are all probably thinking that im faking it cause this was my first week back packing and they all know i dont like packing but if i didnt wanna do it i wud just tell them and not just fake an illness, i am ill all i have to get rid of is this dam headache which i cant seem to shift.
On a plus side i got a cd that i ordered so that was good, but on a bad note i have lost my remote for my tv and now i cant swich my tv an the av channel in order to watch dvds or anything, i know its in my room somewhere but i dont know where.
i dunno its all fun i guess, just got to find my dam remote and get rid of this stupid headache after that ill be fine.
stuff
20:06 Mar 11 2005
Times Read: 687
well this week has been some good and some bad, the guy who was meant to be packing was not in so i had to stand in for him even though he is getting paid off and this was his last week so now im back there packing as of monday.
also this girl jenna got paid off to ill miss her loads, even though all we did was argue it was still funny cause we both laughed after it cause we loved the arguments, but yeah ill miss her.
got another new dagger type thing its a two in one dagger its nice all i got to do now is find room for them all, ITS TIME FOR A SPRING CLEAN I THINK lol.
but yeah thats it i suppose, im back to packing in work so its going to be shit, just a normal day then lol.
weekend & week so far
18:44 Mar 08 2005
Times Read: 690
Well lets see my weekend was just the same as ever, nothing much happened i oredered a cd and was looking at some swords and knives that i liked the look at online, other than that i just watched tv and listened to music mainly, got some supplies for my computer and so that was about it for the weekend.
The week so far has been pretty good, work yesterday was boring, things are really starting to slow down in there now so i dunno whats going to happen, everyone can see another pay off coming so that should be something tolook forward to i suppose, and i also had my cd that i ordered over the weekend so that was good.
Today i didnt go into work, i got a new sword and dagger today so that was good, i put pics of them in my portfolio so if u wanna take a look feel free, watched tv some more and listened to music some more, made pancakes aswell and 2 actually went wrong which was the first time in ages so i was not impressed but the other 2 came out fine so i had some to eat lol.
Going into work tomorrow so that should be so much fun, i wonder if today went as slow as yesterday, if it did then tomorrow i will probably be falling asleep, i should bring a pillow lol.
yesterday
06:27 Mar 03 2005
Times Read: 694
Well what can i say about yesterday, oh yeah i got the words that will describe it yeah it was FUCKING BORING.
all i was doing yesterday in work was putting these little fucking oiled felts into a rubber housing, u can imagine cant u sitting down and doing that its like fucking counting sheep or whatever they say that is meant to make u sleep, they should have tried doing that job its way more effective, i did like 3000 of the things, i was supprised that i cud even get up out of my chair without falling down lol.
What else happened, oh yeah there were pay offs, my job is safe though dunno yet if thats a good thing or bad thing, the packer off the line got payed off and guess who he replaced, yeah ME i was so happy when they said that a new packer was coming and now that hes going guess who has to go back, yup u got it ME, get out the fucking party poppers. Its not all bad though at least i still have a job.
I'll tell u one thing though, if today is as boring as it was yesterday, then im going home early, actually come to think of it i might just go home early anyway lol.
Hope u lot have a better day than me anyway, LET THE FUN BEGIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
another week
21:58 Mar 01 2005
Times Read: 698
I know its tuesday but i didnt have time to write in this yesterday.
the week has been going good so far for a change, i was packing yesterday so that was not to bad, it was quite easy really cause there was mostly mistakes which i found really funny, but they didnt but do i care, lol NO not at all.
Today i was wiring up the units that was easy to, then just did motors again like i always do, out of 200 units, 110 had to be re-built, it was a laugh a minute.
Everyone in work was scared cause i was in a good mood, so i dont know whats going on there but fuck em, ill be in whatever mood i wanna be, even though i dont consider them moods, sometimes i do wanna talk and sometimes i dont wanna talk thats just the way i am.
oh well tomorrow should be a laugh, wish me luck lol
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