The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Earth flies beneath my feet as I run with my eyes closed and see everything despite that fact. Every rock, root and clump of grass that might trip me up seems to bow and part just one step ahead of my bare feet.

The drum of my heartbeat pounds and I dance to it, keeping the beat as I reach out with every ounce of me for my partner, the one I now is there but can never find. This time is no different but I'm not discouraged.

The river of my blood flows within me and I am swept along with it, lost in sensation. My inner eyes open again and I smile, suddenly feeling wickedly sharp teeth erupt in my mouth and claws spring from my hands. I claw the air before me viciously, swiping at some imagined prey when my perception changes.

My feet both harden and lighten as my legs and neck elongate and antlers sprout from my head, branching like trees. I no longer feel the dirt but the sound of my hooves drumming a staccato tattoo on the ground is exhilarating. I toss my head, enjoying the weight of my antlers, and look giddily up at the branches above me, hardly noticing as I leap into the nearest tree.

Sharp little claws catch the bark and dig in, my tail helping me balance as I race spirals up the trunk. Hands and eyes take in every detail with unbridled curiosity, not missing a single dip, curve, hole or gash in my tree. My progress is brought to a jerky halt and I look down to see another squirrel pulling my tail. Turning, I pounce on it and we take off, skittering from branch to branch, tree to tree. The chase is cut short when I tackle us both out of the tree and we fall into a huge pile of leaves at the base.

Fur ripples across my body and I feel my size change as enticing scents pique my interest. Lunch. I smile a sharp-toothed grin and pounce when the leaves move, coming up with a squirrel. It screeches at me and manages to wriggle free but I don't mind. I'm not that hungry anyway. I jog beside a creek and drink my fill, lifting my head to howl at the moon just for the hell of it. Even if it is daytime. There are no answering howls to mine but that doesn't disappoint me either. I sit on my haunches and tilt my head to the side, looking at the moon. It doesn't look so far away to me... Gathering my legs beneath me, I break into a dead run, sharp teeth glinting in another grin as the ravine spreads out before me. Eyes on my prize, I take a flying leap off the ravine, fear and doubt never crossing my mind.

My muzzle hardens into a beak and my ears withdraw into my head as black feathers break my skin like daisies push out of the earth. My cry of victory echoes loudly in to quickly receding forest as the wind lifts me higher and higher. The view of the land below is stunning but it hardly begs half a look from me. Cold and crisp, I allow myself to nurture a buzz from the untainted air alone. The immeasurable expanse of th horizon is spread out before me and I fly swiftly toward it, knowing I can never draw it closer and not really caring. I soar through a cloud and revel in the condensation that lends an extra sheen to my feathers before the sun bakes it off.

Looking down finally,my eyes are drawn to a particular spot and I allow my elevation to drop at an alarming rate before I slow down. Nothing special here. An unobtrusive, nondescript gray brick house with a creek running through the back near a playhouse. Upon further inspection, a girl is in the yard. I light on the tree she's laying under and look down at her. Nothing special there either. A scrawny little whipstitch of a thing who would appear dead if not for her breathing. Huge eyes behind even bigger glasses. They're wide open and as far away as the unobtainable horizon I'd just been pursuing.

I blink suddenly and look up to see a bird staring down at me intently. It seems to shake itself suddenly and squawks at me accusingly as it takes off, quickly becoming a black blur on the brighter colors of the sunset. I sit up , stiff muscles screaming in protest as I move for the first time in a long time. Despite my cramping muscles, I feel rejuvenated and I smile as I go back inside. "Quoth the raven, nevermore", I whisper as the door closes behind me.

Hmmm...upon first glancing at the title, I wouldn't blame you in the least for assuming this to be some cliched gothic horror or romance story. However, let me be the first to assure you that my experiences with the vampire across the hall are anything but.

He happens to be my best friend and his name is Xzavier. Xzavier McInnes. We've known each other for about 3 years, have been friends for 2 and living together for 1. The background info on how we met not just once but twice and how I came to live with him at all would fill a novel but that can be saved for another time if anyone's interested.

Our past history isn't what I'm wanting to write about but the man himself. To even begin to try to understand Xzavier, you have to take into consideration that he is very, very old. He may be living in this time but his mindset is still, shall we say, old world.

From the moment I met him, though I didn't know enough to call him out on it, I knew he was far older than I and not quite human. However, instead of frightening me away,he used my fixation with darkness and death to draw me in and something in me acknowledged his superiority without him having to say anything.

I suppose some would see that as a very subservient thing for me to do without much, if any, prodding but I don't see it that way. It would be like you, as a child, being faced with your father (or a father figure in general) and refuting his authority or trying to assert your dominance over him. It isn't done. The father figure is recognized as being superior to the child.

As well as being my best friend, Xzavier is also my father figure, guardian and teacher. I myself am not young and I don't consider my self powerless but, in comparison, I am a child.

Once my friendship and loyalty were assured, he offered me protection, his trust and friendship and all the knowledge and wisdom I could handle...if I were bold enough to take it. Being the reckless creature I am, I took him up on his offer and we started our journey together.

It's certainly been a trip and difficult at times but I don't regret anything. He helped me realize a lot of my potential as a person and as more than a person regarding my abilities. He's huided me through alot of rough patches and protected me from both myself and others. Ironically enough, even through his own trials, he was the one who led me back to God.

In return, I've given him my trust, loyalty and own brand of protection for what it's worth. It's hard for me to reconcile looking up to and depending so much on someone who's only a year older than me but I do. Even during my epic battles with pride and arrogance, I never fully forget how old or powerful he really is despite how young and delicate he looks. If anyone were worth depending on or looking up to on earth it would be Xzavier.

As for how I found out he was a vampire, it took him over a year to tell me. Just as he doesn't always flaunt being gay he does the same as a vampire, depending on you to pick up hints and undertones because he won't very often just come out and say it. It's part of his mystique.

For the longest time, he dropped hints, showed me glimpses of what he really was and even tried a few times to bring out my own suppressed darkness. Over time, even despite my lack of knowledge of what kind of creatured really did haunt the day and night, I came closer to pinning down exactly what he was. When he finally told me a while later, it was as if a puzzle piece had fallen into place but I wasn't the least bit surprised.

He took such a subtle approach with me, I think, half to play with my mind (which he's very good at), and half our of fear that I'd reject him if he told me. He should have known better.

It's in this unconventional method that he also fills his role as my teacher. In some things he's very open and he'll lecture me, filling my mind with as much insight as he can shove into me. Most of the time, however, I am forced to ask questions he may or may not answer but, if I play close attention to him when he speaks, however casually, it's obvious that he's leading my mind in a certain direction. It's still up to me to reach the destination though.

I suppose the best way to sum up his teaching is that he makes me teach myself while he controls the curriculum. Needless to say, it can be very frustrating to be his student but he has brought me a long way from who I was when we met.

Xzavier the guardian. Ironically, this is provavly one of if not the most controversial role he plays in my life. It's not just the fact that I've lived my whole life being my only guardian but his method and means of protecting me.

His mindset here again uses his age as a huge factor. Having lived through times ravaged by war and violence, he is a very detatched being and of the opinion that you have to protect what's yours. Whatever the cost. He has sacrificed a lot for me that I wish he wouldn't have and, if I ever grow reckless or ungrateful, he drives the point home like a stake through the heart (no pun intended). He would kill for me if he had to.

For all his coldness and seeming distance, he's a wonderful friend though. It takes a while to draw him (not just a facade) out but once you're in it's worth it. One of the things I both love and hate most about him is his ability to see everything about you, even what you keep hidden from yourself.

The best example I have is my dark side. It's there of course but has been squashed so ruthlessly due to my Christian background that I don't even begin to know where to find it anymore. Yet he has seen it more clearly than I ever have, knows exactly where it is and has tried on numerous occasions to bring it out.

It may sound cruel of him to try to provoke evil in someone who has tried so hard to get rid of it but, despite my own misgivings about my darkness, I know he's right.

Everyone has good and evil in them and trying to live without one or the other would only make you half a person. I've been incomplete for so long that I only feel whole again when I lose my temper or hurt myself or someone else and it shouldn't have to be that way. Letting it out doesn't mean I'd have to let it control me.

Only a true friend can see you for the broken, wretched creature you are, come up with a solution and try their damndest to patch you up despite your resistance. Xzavier is such a friend. His means may be questionable to me at times but, in retrospect, were the best course of action to take. It was just executed with his cool logic instead of my intense, rapid-fire emotions. Sometimes, alot of times, that is the best way to go.

So there you have it. Xzavier McInnes, the father, teacher guardian and friend. Such an intricately complex individual is the vampire across the hall.