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My uncle and I were just leaving a store when we saw a plume of smoke that looked like someone had let a trash or wood fire get out of control. It was just a little smudge of grey on the sky and I got my phone out to call the fire department if needed. He was driving toward it to check it out and all of a sudden it went from grey to black almost instantly. Turns out, 2 miles later, that it was the Fireworks Supermarket. We didn't even get close enough to see the store and we could see flames licking at the sky and fireworks flashing through the smoke! There ended up not being any injuries reported, thank God, but the fire was huge! We could feel the heat from it from 3 or 4 businesses away before a police officer directed us to turn off. Xzavier and I had actually worked there a little over 3 years ago and it was my first job. There's nothing left of it now but a hollowed out shell, only the walls left standing. Scary...

I've just gotten back home from being at Xzavier's house babysitting his niece and nephew for almost a week! I love the babies dearly but I don't have any kids of my own so my patience is easily worn thin. I'm just glad I made it without snapping at either of them because I'd have felt really, really bad for it and they don't deserve it. Sadie is 9 and Jonah is 11 and they're both so cute. They're actually really good kids too so it wasn't as difficult as it could have been but I still have limited patience. It's good to be back home. No kids here.

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BLOODLIFE
22:11 Oct 10 2008

You'll be a mum one day and you can't give em back .. lol

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I will willingly walk into this -our holocaust- and think wistfully of the days when I would have marched blindly on but I wouldn't trade the burden of my knowledge for anything. All our wars and victories, tribulations and advancements are for naught. Such arrogant creatures we are to think that we're a shining example of anything. Especially when we see the grinning, ravenous demon responsible for our imminent destruction when we brush our teeth every morning. Even the most basic of animals don't put their own nuts in a vice and squeeze, do they?

The est and worst of us aren't even so much as ripples on a pond. Who are we to think that we could make or break the world when we, as a species, can't seem to prioritize our needs or find a decent balance between doing too much and not enough for ourselves and each other? I don't have room to talk.

Here I am, a future pharmacist, thinking I can heal the world one script at a time. It's laughable and I know it when, in 6 years, I'll be treating the educators, doctors, murderers and rapists of tomorrow. As much good as I and many others would do, there will always be that much more evil to counteract us. The only thing to do then is to focus small scale like I do. Try to heal your own little dying patch of the world, love the individual and hate the bulk of humanity.

What has been seen cannot be unseen and it's up to us, the wise few, to keep our sad, tired eyes open as our species careens towards its own brilliant, violent end because we are too small a number to prevent it. As the end draws near, we may all wish we could blind ourselves and once again garb up in the ignorance that protected us from these heartbreaking truths but don't. Stand fast and look on. If we weren't here to mourn ourselves, the race doomed to failure from the start then who would? We are, willing or no, the chroniclers of the end.

Enlightenment. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Have you ever felt like the image you project is at odds with who you actually are? I was thinking about that earlier today as I was getting ready to go to Xzavier's house.

I always wear functional but very plain clothing. Makeup is foreign to me. I'm fairly sure the only wave I have in my hair is a permanent one from my ever present ponytail holder. My room looks like a disaster area.

Noone would guess from looking at me that I'm a certified pharmacy technician working on getting into prepharmacy. I doubt anyone would guess that I'd ever be a pharmacist.

I'm a very clean, conversative person. I don't like to make waves but I don't take nonsense. As for my room, there's a method to the madness that only I'd recognize and that's the way I like it but I need to be more outwardly organized. Besides, noone believes me when I tell them that I know where everything in my room is despite the fact that I can tell them which pile of clothes a particular shirt is in without even looking for it.

It's not sightly and it doesn't look professional at all. I know I'm a very competent person but my personal style is too casual and my organizational skills are less than chic. Xzavier, polished and manicured thing that he is, and I are a very odd-looking pair when we go out together.

I think I need to take a page out of his book and spritz myself up if I want to be taken seriously and not send mixed signals. I've got a long way to go. God bless my plain little self.

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BLOODLIFE
09:26 Oct 05 2008

I guess VR will be home from home for you .. you will be among the mess and chaos, but in a very clean way. lol

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I've tried to keep quite a few journals in the past and have failed miserably, giving up after a few entries. I don't know why but it's just so hard for me to go through my day and then come home to record everything that happened even if it was an eventful day. If you haven't taken a peek at my poetry yet, I'll tell you that I've written a lot of it and have kept track of it militantly throughout the years.

My poetry is a joy to me even if I've actually had a block for a while. For some reason, keeping a regular journal to log the day's events in takes me back to the journals I had to keep in high school for English that I had to turn in at the end of the year. I can't help but think of them as a chore or assignment no matter how much I'd like to keep one now that I'm older.

With that in mind, I've come to a decision with how I'm going to make this journal work. I'm going to follow Xzavier's example and just use it to vent like I do with my poetry. Especially with the writer's block I've had, it would be good for me and I hope you'll enjoy learning about me through it.

Here's to trying.

Hey all! I'm adding some of my poetry now and there's a lot of it. I'm only putting up the ones I think are any good but that's still a lot of entries.

These poems span over years of my life from high school to the present and none of them are dated but there is a steady progression of improvement I hope you'll notice.

At first, I did myself a great disservice by binding myself to a rhyming, rhythmic format. They're still decent poems but fairly predictable and very mediocre in my opinion.

Then I slowly but steadily started to get away from that and I'm much more pleased with my poems since I have even if the first few attempts were pretty awkward.

The content of my poems varies greatly depending on what I was feeling when I wrote them. I'm a very emotionally driven person and it becomes very obvious in my poetry. I've written several religious poems, a few political ones, innumerable romantic ones and some that play greatly to the very sadistic darker aspects of me.

You've been enlightened and warned so go to my poetry section and enjoy!

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BLOODLIFE
22:22 Oct 01 2008

I'm loving your work already :-)

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