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Yesterday I did something that I do not do. I bought plants.
Nothing special, they were in the reject bin so if I kill them I lose very little, other than my self esteem.
Plants only grow for me when I ignore them.

I am not a highly sociable person. I don't care about making friends or being impressive. I don't get lonely.
I don't understand people who do.

Yet I do socialize. I talk to people when I go out.
I don't learn their names or anything about them. I know more about the meat sampler at our grocery store than she does about me.

My husband recently expressed remorse at not having friends who could come over and visit.
I was a little taken aback. He doesn't do social media. He only socializes with coworkers, at work. He rebuffs any suggestion that he visit places that serve his interests and perhaps take part in their activities.
When we did have friends he hated the nuisance.

This is very complex.

My son and I had a pretty good chuckle over my nightmare.
I think I was having some stress.
I don't trouble people when I am worried about things. Instead I try to work it out on my own, when I can't work it out then I try not to worry about it.
I hate to feel like I failed or made mistakes though and those eat me up and I don't know which is worse; the feeling of humiliation from thinking I failed somehow or the embarrassment that something awful will happen and someone will find out.
Fate forbid a catastrophe happens and people end up wanting to talk to me about it.

It has been a long time since I have had a nightmare.
Maybe it is better to say that it has been a long time since I have had a nightmare that actually upset me.
I am so desensitized to horror and violence that dreams about death and monsters are generally fun but this dream, it was disturbing.
I woke up in shock.
I don't know what triggered it. It could have been stress or it could have even been the storyline of the game I played last night coupled with stress.
I don't confess to stress but I still have it.
I still feel anxious.