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I am sitting here thinking, I really don't know what to do

I keep thinking to myself what if I continue to disappoint you

It is almost time for me to be releasaed from this cell

I am sitting here so scared, I am scared as hell

It's going to take a lot of effort to change my life

So we can be happy as Husband and Wife

The part that scares me is the fact I really don't know

If my bad choices in life will continue to show

In order to be happy, I know what I need to do

I have to focus my decisions around the boys and you

When I am released from here I promise to do my best

To keep a smile on your face and pass every test

That life throws at me so everyone can see

That I really did change the person inside of me

And that's why as my release comes near

I can't help but feel this feeling of fear

Because if I let you guys down again

I will feel like I have lost this fight and I cannot win

So here is the Question that I have for you

There's something I need your help to do

Will you help me through this final test in life?

So we can live very happy as Husband and Wife!!

Dear God there is something I want to say

I know I should be on my knees to pray

But this is a time that I must stand and be strong

Because in my past, I have been so wrong

There are several bad things that I have done

That has caused good friends to turn and run

I no longer want to live this life of pain

I know now, there is nothing to gain

Because of this pain I have changed the way

I live my life each and every day

These are some of the changes that have helped me see

That there was a better person trapped inside of me

When there is a time that something goes wrong

That's when I'm needed most to stay real strong

When things get bad, I don't need a drug

Life will be much better if I just get a hug

If I do something wrong I have learned to not tell a lie

It will be much better to tell the truth, I think I'll give it a try

All the changing I have done, I did for one thing

So when I hold Crystal's hand I will see a ring

And know we are living a happy life

Crystal and Mark Maes, Husband and Wife!!!

I woke up this morning

I had a bad dream

I was really scared

I wanted to scream

I felt like my heart was broken

It wasn't no fun

I felt lost and confused

Like nothing could be done

I felt since I went

And put you through all that pain

It was my turn

To suffer the same

But then I remembered

You said you would always be there

And even after all that I have done

You would always care

You said that your heart is filled with love

And you will always be mine

You said that you would give me a chance

This one last time

I said I would change

And this is my last time in here

And I promised

To always keep you near

I promised to change

And never tell you a lie

And because of all those changes

There will be no reason to cry

So after I change

And life is fun

And you ever get that feeling

That you want to run

Go ahead and pack

Move out that day

Don't look behind you

Be on your way

But when you do

I am going to follow behind

Because I love you

And feel we will be together

Until the end of time!!

As I lay in my bunk

Wondering what to do

I lay and stare

At a picture of you

In the picture

It should be

Two Happy faces

You and Me

But since I am being punished

For something I've done

I have to sit in here

And miss all the fun

It drives me crazy

I don't know what to do

That's why I'm always

THINKING OF YOU!!!!!

THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR MY BOYS

BECAUSE I AM IN JAIL AND MISSING THE JOYS

OF WATCHING YOU GUYS AS YOU RUN AND PLAY

I WISH I COULD BE WITH YOU EVERYDAY

BUT SINCE I WENT AND DONE SOMETHING WRONG

I NEED YOU GUYS TO BE REAL STRONG

BEFORE I CAN LEAVE JAIL AND BE ON MY WAY

THERE IS ANOTHER PLACE THAT I HAVE TO GO AND STAY

IT'S TIME I BE HONEST, AS I WRITE THIS, I'M STARTING TO CRY

SEE ALL YOU GUYS WANTED ME TO MAKE MOM MY WIFE

BUT INSTEAD I MADE THE WRONG CHOICES IN LIFE

INSTEAD OF GOING OUT AND BUYING MOM A RING

I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THE WRONG THING

I WENT OUT AND SPENT ALL OUR MONEY ON DRUGS

INSTEAD OF STAYING HOME AND GIVING HER HUGS

I'M TELLING YOU THIS SO YOU CAN SEE

THE PERSON YOU WERE LIVING WITH WASN'T REALLY ME

DOING THE DRUGS CHANGED THE PERSON I WAS

HAVING A DRUG HABIT, THAT IS WHAT IT DOES

SO WHEN I GET OUT OF JAIL I HAVE TO GO TO A PLACE

THAT WILL HELP ME STOP DOING THE DRUGS AND WIN THAT RACE

AFTER I WIN AND LEAVE THAT PLACE YOU GUYS WILL SEE

THE GOOD PERSON THAT WAS TRAPPED INSIDE OF ME

I WILL HAVE HELP FROM THE LORD ABOVE

HE WILL HELP GET THRU THIS AND FILL OUR HEARTS WITH LOVE

MY TIME IS ALMOST UP I WILL SOON BE THERE

AND WHEN I DO I WILL SHOW YOU I REALLY DO CARE!!!!!!!!!!!

AS I LAY IN MY BED WITHOUT YOU

I THEN REALIZE WHAT I HAVE TO DO

I MUST GET OUT OF BED AND PRAY

WHEN I PRAY TO THE LORD THIS IS WHAT I WILL SAY,

OH LORD I WOKE UP ALL ALONE AND SCARED

WITHOUT THE WOMAN THAT I HAVE SHARED

ALL THE GOOD AND BAD THAT LIFE HAS TAUGHT

IF I COULD JUST WAKE UP WITH HER BY MY SIDE

THERE ARE SOME FEELINGS I WILL NOT HIDE

THE FEELING OF HAPPINESS THAT BRINGS OUT MY SMILE

THE FEELING OS SUCCESS TO KNOW I WENT THE EXTRA MILE

BUT SINCE I WOKE UP WITHOUT HER BY MYSIDE

THESE ARE THE FEELINGS I CANNOT HIDE

THE FEELING OF SCARED THAT BRING OUT MY FEARS

THE FEELING OF SADNESS THAT BRING OUT MY TEARS

LORD THERE IS ONE THING I ASK OF YOU

THERE IS SOMETHING YOU MUST DO

THIS IS A SPECIAL REQUEST IF YOU CAN

SHE IS THE WOMAN THAT MAKES ME A MAN

WHEN I LAY BACK DOWN TO TAKE A REST

CAN I PUT YOU AND THE ANGELS TO THE TEST

I REALLY NEED THIS FROM UP ABOVE

TO PUT CRYSTAL BESIDE ME, THE WOMAN I LOVE

WHENEVER THERE IS A TIME

WITHOUT A DOUBT

THAT YOU FEEL

DOWN AND OUT

AND FEEL THE NEED

TO TALK TO ME

JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND YOU WILL SEE

ME STANDING THERE

BY YOUR SIDE

HOLDING YOUR HAND

AND LOOKING YOU IN THE EYES

TELLING YOU DON'T WORRY

IT WILL BE OKAY

JUST TRY TO SEE IT

IN ANOTHER WAY

IF YOU STILL AREN'T READY

TO CRACK A SMILE

OPEN YOUR EYES

AND YOU WILL SEE

SOMETHING IN YOUR SHADOWS

IT WILL BE ME!!!!!!!!

IT'S THE WORST DRUG BUT

MOST WONDERFUL HIGH

BUT ONCE YOU GO

AND MAKE THAT BUY

THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE

YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY

TO HAVING A BAD HABIT

EACH AND EVERY DAY

YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING

AND NOT EVEN TRY

AND WHEN YOU NOTICE

ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRY

I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE

LOSE ALL SELFWORTH

AND FORGET EVERY MORAL

TAUGHT SINCE BIRTH

SO IF YOU THINK

MY WORDS ARE NOT TRUE

HERE'S ONE THING

YOU CAN GO AND DO

GO AHEAD TRY IT

IF YOU CAN

AND YOU WILL KNOW

WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE RAN

BECAUSE BY THEN

YOU WILL FINALLY SEE

HOW IT WAS SO EASY

TO END UP LIKE ME!!



(IN JAIL WITH NOTHING)

I met a women when I was living life a bad way

She helped me change, it took years, it wasn't done in a day

She taught me many of lessons not found in a book

About the love you can find, if you know where to look

In my world of darkness, Crystal, she held up her light

Giving me guidance, courage, and the strength to fight

As I sit in a jail cell sentenced for my crime

Crystal wrote me many letters stating she was still mine

From the first time I met her, I knew she was the perfect woman for me

If you knew her as well as I do, you would also see

That Crystal, she is so caring, and so nice

Offering both friendship and good advice

Even though it seemed we were generations apart

Crystal found both time to help me and open her heart

Against all odds we became more than friends

So I dedicate this time poem and the message that it sends

Crystal was a constant reminder that somebody cared

And I will always cherish all the time that we shared

Even though I was seperated from my best friend a short time ago

I believe the bond in our hearts still can grow

I hope she is past the point of being mad

And can see all the changing I've done so she won't be sad

I've caused her to take and turn her life around

It makes me feel so bad, I feel as low as the ground

Because of this I wanted death as my fate

But if I did, she would be alone, she wouldn't have a mate

Here's another reason that I shouldn't go and die

I would let her down again, she taught me to always give life a try

She also taught me if you fail at first try your efforts shouldn't end

It just means you try and try again

And now that I am going to live life her way

I will be there for her each and everyday

Whenever we talk her last words are I love you

And I know her words are true

So when things get bad, until I get out

Remember these words without a doubt

These aren't just words but feelings to

BABY I REALLY DO LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT TO CALL YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY

IT REALLY FELT GOOD TO TALK, BUT BAD IN AWAY

I FELT REAL GOOD AS THE PHONE RANG, BUT WHEN YOU SAID HI

I STARTED FEELING REAL BAD AND STARTED TO CRY

BECAUSE I WENT TO JAIL AGAIN AND CAUSED SUCH A MESS

I TURNED MYSELF IN ON MY WARRANTS TO RELIEVE SOME STRESS

I DID IT SO I CAN BE A HUSBAND AND FATHER AND DO MY BEST

BUT NOW I FEEL BAD BECAUSE I PUT YOUR MIND TO THE TEST

YOU ARE STARTING TO DOUBT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

BUT WITH ALL THE GOOD IN YOU THAT I CAN SEE

YOUR THOUGHTS ARE UNTRUE, YOU ARE SO WRONG

INSTEAD OF DOUBTING YOURSELF ALWAYS STAY STRONG

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON IN ALL THAT YOU DO

THAT MAKES YOU THE PERSON THAT I LOOK UP TOO

IF YOU CAN DO THIS UNTIL I GET OUT

I WILL PROVE THERE WAS REALLY NO REASON FOR DOUBT

BECAUSE ME AND YOU FIT TOGETHER LIKE A HAND IN A GLOVE

AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I CHANGE, IT WILL ONLY BE YOU I LOVE!!!!!!!!

There are some words I wanted to say

Because I wasn't there for your final day

You were a great role model for me to grow

And as I get older the more it will show

You gave me so much to look forward too

You taught me right from wrong and what not to do

You taught me how to survive when I stepped out the door

You taught me thoughts of wisdom, which I will store

I know that you are going to the heavens above

Because you shared so much kindness and love

Now that you are with the angels with wings

It doesn't mean I am going to forget the lessons life brings

These are my final words to you

Just remember these words are true

DAD I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You were definetly an angel

From the heavens above

When anyone met you

You showed nothing but love

We who knew you

and knew you well.

Know throughout your life

You rarely failed

But god has called upon you now

And has taken you back home

A place where you can never fail

And always be strong

So please watch over us now

As we endure life

Because we all love you Dad

And you now live a better life.



IN MEMORY OF

"David Hortin"

I know this lady, who has taught me well

Unfortunately it all came while being in jail,

She's shown me a positive pattern that I could live

That I don't have to always recieve because it's better to give

She's helped me put honesty, trust back into my life

It has changed me as a person and now I am nice

Each day that I wake up I feel good inside

Because I know there's nothing to hide.

I've lived behind a mask for many a years

As I think about it now, I sometimes shed tears

They are tears of joy because I have changed.

One day the world will respect my name.

Respecting my name for the things I will have done

When my race seemed lost, I came back and won.

I did it with her help, as she refused to give up on me

And now I can honestly say I'll always be free.

Thank you Myra for M.R.T. (Moral Relief Therapy)

We sit and reminisce of the time we had wasted doing drugs

When we should have been playing with our kids and giving them hugs

We would wake up a mess and all confused

Not aware of our name not to mention the amount of drugs we used

We were unaware of what was around us

With guilt so bad, she didn't want to fuss

In total shock from what we had done

We just wanted to tuck tail and run

Our kids would ask is there something to eat

We would have to tell them cook some noodles, we are all out of meat

I would tell them there's no money to go to the store

Only to call the dope dealer and tell him I needed more

To get back our dignity, trust and love that was lost

It isn't going to take money but it is still going to come at a cost

It is going to take some hard earned time

And not just by writting this little rhyme

To end this pattern of being so destructive

We are going to do something real constructive

Instead of trying to figure out a way to rise above it

We are going to have to stay a family and over come it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you more and more each and everyday,

It's hard to explain my words and feelings I am trying to say,

It is the feeling I get when you are holding me tight,

In my heart I inject the feeling of your might.

It's just everytime your gentle lips touch,

I just want to say, "baby, I love you so much,"

It's the sense of feeling I get each time we kiss,

Every moment apart, its only you I begin to miss.

It just scares me to think if we were ever apart,

I would be so lost without you,

I wouldn't know where to start.

For you are my love, MY EVERYTHING,

And for you I would do absolutely anything,

I would give up my world to be with you.

So I'm telling you now, baby, "I TRUELY LOVE YOU!!!!!!"

All my life it has been hard

Most of it by choice, I didn't pull the right card

When I was a kid, I didn't have a choice

To do what I wanted, I wanted to rejoice

Mom and Dad told me to do as you are told and as I say

Now that I have, I just want to fall to my knees and pray

See Mom and Dad thought they were doing me some good

They moved us to the south side of ypsi., it was the hood

All the other kids said, "Hey they are all white"

And just because of that, they wanted to fight

There was a day they came at me with a log

Instead of hitting me, they put me over a fence with a dog

So Mom and Dad really did great

We moved out of the hood when I was eight

We moved to a place where I learned to play

I thought it was great I wanted to stay

I always got straight A's in school

Then one day I gave up, I was such a fool

There was one day I was playing in the woods

That's where I noticed Dad was growing his goods

I seen everyone else getting high, I thought it was right

It was just weed, as to the harder drugs I gave up the fight

Then I met a woman named Crystal, she grew up in a good life

I got to know her and realized, she should be my wife

I did a lot of things I am not going to lie

Most women would have left me, all she did is cry

She would tell me "Mark you know, you know that wasn't right"

Next thing you know we got in a fight

That is when I would go make that buy

Before I knew it, I was getting high

If I continue life at this rate

There is only one ending to my fate

If I continue to give the devil a try

There is only one ending, I am going to die

From this point on when I feel I need a drug

I am going to ask "Crystal can I have a HUG"

There is no rhythm

There is no rhyme



Only a state of confusion

In this life of illusion





Everything has its place

Among the human race





In our lives we adore

The glory and more





Never to feel satisfied

Until the day we die