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The one person who was always meant to have my back, who I thought I could always trust. Betrayed me today. She, out of all the people in this entire dimension, betrayed me. She always thought of me as weak and unable to defend myself. She does not even know the half of what I have been through, what I have seen or heard or what I had to do to survive where I came from. I thought she of all people would understand how much strength I have in me. She doesn't, her mind is so narrow, she doesn't care who she tramples on to get the limelight, she doesn't care even if it happens to be her baby sister. She thinks that because she spent less then half her life living what I had to endure most of my life makes her stronger than me? I don't think so. My life is something she doesn't want to know about. My life, compared to her's is..... non existent.

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Em0d0LL
00:44 Jul 30 2014

I'm sorry

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I have felt strange for days, weeks, months, nearly two years now. When I'm mad or angry or sad or upset or distressed there is something that I do. Something no one seems to understand, they don't know why I do it again and again, they don't understand that by doing this, I feel like my life is back in my own hands. I feel like I finally have control over something in my life. Finally. And even though I know this thing I do is really bad and potentially fatal, I continue to do so because it's the only I know how to do by myself and even though it might sound strange to someone on the outside, doing this actually gives me peace. It calms the voices in my head and in my heart, it takes away all my other feelings if I want it to and it makes me relax. Not like having a drink would, but, this helps me relax on a more deeper, personal level. And this in itself is wonderful. Painstakingly Beautiful.