The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender

and says; "I've been working on a top-secret

project on molecular genetics for the past five

years and I've just got to talk to someone about

it."



The bartender says; "Wait a minute. Before we

talk about that, just answer me a few questions.

When a deer defecates, why does it come out like

little pellets?"



The guy didn't know that. The bartender then

asks, "Why is it that when a dog poops, it lands

on the ground and looks like a coiled rope?"



The guy again says, "I don't have any idea." The

bartender then says, "You don't know shit! and

you want to talk about molecular genetics?"

I am so fucking lonely today it so sad hope everyone is having a good day many dark blessings for everyone

25 Signs That You Have Grown Up



1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next

door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of

one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,

rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms

and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going

to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them

instead of asking "Oh, what the hell happened?"