The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

These jokes are also in my private journal and my profile but I thought more people might see them here. Also, there isn't a jokes place and jokes do tell a story although usually a very short one. So here are LOT's of stories.I

If you woke up dead this morning, you might be a vampire. If your bumper sticker reads, “Children give me gas”, you might be a vampire. If your friend tells you his boss chewed him out, ripped him a new one, or had him for lunch and you just assume his boss is a vampire, You might be a vampire. If you didn’t get your fangs from an online store, you might be a vampire. If your object in tennis is to hit the other guy in the forehead, you might be a vampire. If some guy is on a ledge and you reach out a helping hand…to push, you might be a vampire. If you put blood on your French fries, you might be a vampire. If as a child, you took things apart to see how they…broke, you might be a vampire. If as a child, you stuck a key into the light socket, TWICE, you might be a vampire-then again, you may just be really stupid. If the sight of blood makes you hungry AND horny, you might be a vampire. If you actually LIKE being down in the subway, you might be a vampire. If muggers see you and try to give you their wallets, you might be a vampire. If you are a girl and frequent a Slammers, you might be a vampire. If instead of being faster than a speeding bullet and leaping tall buildings in a single bound you just get people to come to YOU, you might be a vampire. If you invite Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses into your home when they come around and no one ever sees them again, you might be a vampire. If you are a girl and you are higher than the people around you on crystal meth and you having a 24 hour long orgasm because you are surging with male pheromones, testosterone, and adrenaline from fanging a testicle, you might be a vampire. I you hang out at tattoo parlors so that you can help pierce somebody, you might be a vampire. If you think the term “road kill” refers to human beings, you might be a vampire. If you go into a fancy restaurant and the waiter asks if he can serve you, and you assume he wants to be a donor, you might be a vampire. If you go into an S&M club with a date and come out alone, you might be a vampire. If you bring a meat cleaver to a poker game, you might be a vampire. If you hang around with skaters so you can kiss their boo boos when they get hurt, you might be a vampire. If if rains and people are walking with unbrellas and you are standing alone on the corner drenched and wearing a hoodie and you LIKE it, you might be a vampire. If your neighbor across the hall keeps hitting on you because she thinks you must be a good lover because of the screams always coming from your apartment, you might be a vampire. And finally, if you’ve scratched one of Jay Leno’s cars with a key from fender to fender, you might be a vampire.