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10:19 Nov 01 2011
Times Read: 542

another fucking birthday ... 55 ... fuck.

as usual the madness in the form of my old friend depression has been chipping away at me all day. dark clouds settled over my soul and i braced myself for a round of self inflicted pain. i made sure to give up on the woman who loves me and set her free to live her life. then she goes and calls me from PA and starts talking about how we sound like an old married couple even though we've never been physically together. i told her what was up with me and she tells me it's all good cuz she knows who i am when i come out of it ... every time. that got me to thinking about how she's always waiting on the other side when the dark clouds clear and the depression fades. i never really want her to go and she knows that and accepts my demons. i told her that we are better than married cuz we have a thread connecting us that no piece of paper or ring could hold a candel to. we've been in a spiritual relationship for a couple of years now and she's always in my heart. i always want the best for her. she thinks that's me. she must be crazy ... but so am i. sure is nice to be able to be my fucked up self and be loved for it. she's a handfull herself and i wouldn't want her to change a thing.

it sure is nice to come out of hell and have someone waiting on the other side. yep a strong thread indeed.

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