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so it's been a pretty fucked weekend ... someone close had some shit on her fb that got me to feelin like my place at her table was gone, yep, jealousy ! FUCK ! I hate that shit .... and then ofcourse the alumni party from my treatment was Saturday. I had to show up, but I couldn't stay. My message sucks cuz I'm NOT happy and I won't lie and say I am. I know my Dad is waiting on the other side for me and I'm damn well not gonna desert him again ! ... but bein good really sucks. I haven't felt good in over 11 years now, but I'm stickin with it. I sure hope I'm rite about this shit cuz life was way more interesting (for me) before sobriety ... and let me say this, deaths door hasn't even creaked open a little bit for me. god (or whatever) is really makin me work for this one.

I used to care about shit, but now if I'm not getting paid (work) or a happy ending, I see NO benefit from hangin with anyone cuz they have nothing to offer that I don't already have, soooo when they call, if I answer (I usually won't), they will be wanting something for (in my opinion) nothing.



my head is so fucked up !

... and now it's on record !

COMMENTS

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Isis101
22:28 May 12 2013

Amigo...don't give up.

The world would be dull with you not in it.

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Frenetik
23:31 May 12 2013

I'm sorry to hear that things suck so bad right now. If you ever need a listening ear, shoot me a message.



Things will get better. Sometimes they really do have to get worse first.

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martin
01:16 May 13 2013

Thanks for the kind words.



I've been at this for a long time now ... it just felt like the dial got cranked up this weekend on the bullshit.



it'll be fine :)

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