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i'm kinda pissed at myself because once again i tried doing the "mainstream" thing and it totally fucked up my program. i switched over to 24 hour fitness and took them up on the hour with a personal trainer ... big mistake !

she starts going over my diet with me, and the next thing i know we are making a "healthy" meal plan for me. it didn't even look good on paper. shit, that was monday and now it's thursday and i haven't been back to the gym. FUCK !, what in the world was i thinking ? my gym and my running are my sanctuarys in life and i let some stranger feed input into my world. ofcourse i'm not gonna follow some diet that requires cooking and planning. fuckin bullshit + i get pissed about shit and self destruct. well i'm not gonna fuck off my gym.

i just have to keep in mind that i am alone in my world and that it's foolish to think otherwise. as long as i keep my world to myself, i'm good. now don't get me wrong, there's a public side to me too ... i just can't mix people pleasures with my body and mind.

hmmm, now this sounds crazy ... but that's what i am, and that's why i'm here. at least here at VR i can say "fuck everyone" and you know that it doesn't mean you.

COMMENTS

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PandorasBx
18:00 Dec 08 2011

Right on Martin. Or you can just say, "I'm not interested in a meal plan" too.... :D

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martin
18:43 Dec 08 2011

thanks Jadee, but you know me, i have to punish myself mentally on anything that rubs me the wrong way.



grrrrrrrrrrr

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