For shits and giggles14:07 Dec 17 2011
Times Read: 1,191
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers
I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Remember, Half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is Inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
What's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just do not have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
Just remember - if the world did not suck, we would all fall off.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I f you don't pay your excorcits bill, do you get reposesed?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
COMMENTS
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hannahrose
16:46 Dec 17 2011