The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.



On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).



On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)



On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)



On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).



On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!



On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)



On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)



On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)



On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)



On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to...what?)



On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)



On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)



I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."



On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

COMMENTS

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XvetisX
06:13 Aug 17 2011

im off to tell my girl to add your journal as well she would love your poetry...

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Snowbelle
19:11 Aug 19 2011

very interesting and impressive

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hannahrose
19:48 Aug 20 2011

SO DAMMED FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING WHEN I READ THIS!

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POST COMMENT

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince

and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and

plants and eat less food that is

manufactured in plants.

4. Live with the 3 E's - Energy, Enthusiasm and

Empathy.



5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games.

7. Read more books than you did the

year before.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily.

And while you walk, smile.



Personality:



11. Don't compare your life to others.

You have no idea what their journey is

all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or be

anxious about things you cannot

control. Instead invest your energy in

the positive present moment.

13. Don't overdo it. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one

else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have

all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind

your partner about his/her mistakes of

the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating

anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't

spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness

except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are

here to learn. Problems are simply part

of the curriculum that appear and fade

away like algebra class but the lessons

you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument.

Agree to disagree.



Society:



25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time w/ people over the age of

70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile

each day.

30. What other people think of you is none

of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you

are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:



32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful,

beautiful or joyful.

34. However good or bad a situation is, it

will change.

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up

and show up.

36. The best is yet to come.

37. When you awake alive in the morning,

thank God for it.

38. Your Inner most is always happy. So,

be happy.