The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I remember when your head caught flame

It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain

Well you laughed, baby it's okay

It's buzz cut season anyway

(Well you laughed, baby it's okay)



Explosions on TV, and all the girls with heads inside a dream

So now we live beside the pool, where everything is good



We ride the bus with the knees pulled in

People should see how we're living

(We ride the bus with the knees pulled in)

Shut my eyes to the song that plays

Sometimes this has a hot, sweet taste

(Shut my eyes to the song that plays)



The men up on the news, they try to tell us all that we will lose

But it's so easy in this blue, where everything is good



And I'll never go home again (place the call, feel it start)

Favorite friend (and nothing's wrong when nothing's true)

I live in a hologram with you

We're all the things that we do for fun (and I'll breathe, and it goes)

Play along (make-believe it's hyper real)

But I live in a hologram with you



Cola with the burnt-out taste

I'm the one you tell your fears to

There'll never be enough of us



Explosions on TV, and all the girls with heads inside a dream

So now we live beside the pool, where everything is good



And I'll never go home again (place the call, feel it start)

Favorite friend (and nothing's wrong when nothing's true)

I live in a hologram with you

We're all the things that we do for fun (and I'll breathe, and it goes)

Play along (make-believe it's hyper real)

But I live in a hologram with you

I am bored with love

and it's passionless limbs

that drape over my bed

in a lethargic state of impotence

while wearing the same red heart

my soul picked up hitchhiking

off highway serendipity



Now here we are

alone in togetherness

trying to build dreams

with two by fours and glue,

but even a home

won't tie us together

when our hearts live alone



Poetic vows cliched

into nothingness

like all words do, eventually

and we allowed

our bodies to become

another pair of hollow shadows

that make love to a wall

instead of each other

and we wonder why

the roses are dying

Loves memory has traced our outline in this place.

But will the spider remember, or the sun?

Did the water capture our faces in permanence?

Does the wind create us anew as it blows?

Did the shadows from the trees record our passage beneath them?

Our secret been revealed.

Yet I have told no other.

I write these words in silence, in mute testimony

To what once was.

But our image remains alive in this place.

It can not be removed.

You, me,

We then,

Were here.

We saw the day and hoped for tomorrow.

We caught a brief glimpse of love's promise.

We were not liars,

But thieves of time.

For now time has now forgotten us,

Yet our memory lingers, and love remembers

This place that was ours.

Self harm is not for attention

It's a silent scream

It's killing your every demon

It's your most terrible thought

It is just an addiction



When I'm upset.



I shut myself down.

I have no motivation for anything.

I tell myself that nobody cares.

even though some do.



I think about all the negitive things

I could possibly think of



I give myself all the pain

Thinking I deserve it

I'm not sure why I do that,

but that's just how I am.



On the outside Im so fucking fine.

But on the inside I am not,I'm just fucked up,

And I can't do anything about it.



Im constantly trying to make people

feel better about themselves because I know

What it's like to feel bad about yourself.



FUCK trying to impress you.

FUCK believing you.

FUCK thinking about you.

FUCK trusting you.

FUCK your words.

FUCK this.

FUCK YOU.



We're all in the same game;

Just different levels. Dealing with

The same Hell; Just different

Devils.



It's fucked up when

People throw things

From your past in your

Face.

Three words,

Eight letters,

One meaning;



A profoundly tender,

passionate affection

for another person.



I love you

The phrase gets misused,

And misunderstood.

Most people don't know

What it's like to feel love...



When they see that person,their stomach flips,

And someone lets butterflies

free in their stomach.



They constantly think about that person,

They never leave their mind.

When they think of them,

They automatically smile.



That is the effect of,

Three words,

Eight letters,

One meaning.

Even Though you are gone,

I will still love you.



Even though you are gone,

I will still remember you.



The bad times, the good times,

The fun times, the sad times...



The times we fought, the times we laughed,

The times we played, the times we cried...



All seems like yesterday.

Although we may be far apart, 1 million miles it may seem.

We are still very close in the heart like sugar in Kool Aid.

I close my eyes. I see your face,

with every bit I can retrace.

Days together, days apart,

Days that took this broken heart.



Now I'm blind, you took my eyes,

eyes of my heart; you said goodbye.

I sit alone this empty night,

broken, don't know what's right.



Footprints you've left as you walked out of my heart,

I'm terrified, confused; now falling apart.

Days turned black to blue,

hours and hours I thought of you.



I cry in this lonely room,"Babe, I'll be home soon"

Where your eyes will shine,

home, where you'll say you're mine.



For now I let the tears that fall,

my heart, my mind, you have it all.

The darkness, the cold, wishing you're here,

gives me shelter, shelter from tears.



I sit across this ticking clock,

Ticking slowly as thunder struck.

The silence of Hell,but where's my soul to sell?



All that's left are the tears that stream,

and nothing but a broken dream.

Here I lay, I closed my eyes, the angels cry,

As I give up,

On you,

On us,on this love that dies;

so here's my goodbye.

You said you didn't love me,

You said you didn't care.

You said I wasn't worth it,

And then you gave me a stupid stare.



I told you that was fine,

I told you I didn't mind,

I told you I wasn't upset,

And with that you left me behind.



Now I think about what happened,

As I cry myself to sleep.

I tell myself that I'll be fine,

And that I shouldn't have to weep.



I tell my family I am happy.

I tell my friends I'm OK.

But what I really am feeling,

Inside of me is starting to go grey.



I should have told you I loved you,

I should have told you to stay.

But you said you didn't want to anymore.

And my friends say you turned gay.



Now as we talk, We joke, laugh, and play.

You think I've moved on,

While inside of me is screaming "STAY!"

You said you didn't love me,I said I didn't care.

As I think about and regret it,

I know what we have, we don't share.

Thousands of tears

Rush down my face.



Inside my mouth

Blood is all I taste.



Blow by blow I take the hits in

through all of it

Not a sound I make.



I bite back Every ounce of pain.

Through hitting me

What does he gain?



A thousand tears run

down my face

but not a single

sound escapes.

Walking through the rain,

I try to forget the pain.

I try to ignore the sting in my eyes,

because I know, a strong girl never cries.

I begin to run, run from my fears.

But I am followed by my ever present tears.

I want to leave these familiar places,

leave behind all of these frequent faces.

But where will I go?

What will I do?

All I know is I have to get far away from you.

But something keeps me here,

crying one last tear.

The blade is cold

But not old



I didn't go deep

I didn't even weep



Just one cut is all I need

And my mind goes calm, while my cut bleeds



It was harmless but helped so much

I stopped being mad and such



No more angry thoughts went through my mind

Just fascination, everything else left behind



Is the start or the end?

All I know is I don't want to disappoint my friend



Is it too late for me?

I thought I was getting better but I only pretended to be



The cut now stains my arm

Nothing big or deep, nothing to cause much harm



A cat scratch is what I'll say

But I doubt people will see any day



They won't see the real me and who I am

They won't see my body is disconnected from my brain stem



I don't want attention, I don't deserve it

I play along with the world, but my candle is not lit



I'm a lost soul on this land

My minds drifting, my body sinking in sand



I've given up on people

It's now me alone in my own steeple



I get so mad so quick

Like a switch on the wall, tense with every click



Maybe I'm only meant to be there for others

Don't the daughters learn from the mothers?



Only my mother does not know me

She only sees who she wants to see



There's no way her sweet child

Cut her arm to keep her mind from going wild



Do they realize their actions affect me so?

That sometimes they cause me to hit my low?



No they don't, all they see is him

They can't even see the pattern; my cups reached its brim.



He angers then he lies

To get people to take him back. I bet he even denies



The wrongs that he's done

All because he thinks life is fun



But when will he see

That he's just another wanna be



It's possible I just don't belong

There are parts of me I've discovered are gone



Like my patience to wait

I'm done waiting there's nothing to debate



Once I'm of age you'll barely see me

Once I get a car I'll never be here to be



I witness to the yells or shouts



A witness to the pattern of oh okay and get out

A witness to tears and uproars

A witness to hurtful words and slamming doors

A witness to a father who's confused

Because my aunt is either okay or blowing a fuse



I'll stop being the victim of being on the edge

Because I'll stop being around, I won't be on the ledge



I won't be the victim of feeling guilty anymore

I won't be the victim or witness everytime I walk out that door



Am I lost? That's easy to say

Is there hope? We'll see with each coming day.



My name does not matter all that matters is the story my friend

The one with a strong beginning, unclear middle, but no end.



It's a screwed up world even a blind man could see

That to fake happiness you have to be who others expect you to be.

"Killin' shit, killin' it, jus'on my supervillian shit..."

"Bitch you think you cold, well I'm lyrically a sweater to you

Catch me in the world brah, doing what I said I'd do

All hail the Queen, bitches put me on a pedestal

And I'm out here running, I'm gunnin', I never stop to breathe

Angel "might" be good, bitch fuck your whole hypothesis

Bitch I came to kill shit, literally KILL shit

I came and bitches left, right? Got em' on that drill shit"



Sometimes you

Just gotta learn

To just use your

Heart less...



I wish I could say I didnt care anymore,

I wish I could say you dont matter.

And I really wish, that one day,

I'll fine someone who wont break my heart.

Once -, Twice- , and a Third-I think Im done.

3 is the deal breaker.

But this is not going to be a pity party.

I will not let myself break down anymore.

If they dont give 2 shits about me, why should I?

Why should I still care about them?

Forgive them?The anwser is, I probably shouldnt.

Though thats easier said then done.

I will still care about them, I will still forgive them.

Because even though they can try and erase me,

I never forget someone who was once my best friend.

Maybe that makes me stupid for saying that,

Saying I will always still be there for someone who,

Will not likely, return the favor. But now I think

I've learned my lesson. Dont trust too much.

Dont hope too much.

Dont love too much,

Cause when those things are lost,

It hurts so much...