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Jasper was, it seemed, completely inexhaustible, for several hours he carefully loved me to the point of pain, when he stopped it was only because i literally couldn't it anymore and he knew it. He rolled to the side pulling me with him so that i was laying on his chest and purred with satisfaction. For a while that was all we did id lay there together panting, listening to our hearts slow, covered in a delicious sweat, and then he suddenly laughed slightly for no apparent reason.

"What are you laughing at Jazz?" i asked and was surprised by how rough and husky my voice was, man i felt beat!

In answer he reached up with one hand and with a quick tug pulled his knife out of my headboard and held it up in front of my face which was turned sideways on his chest, i reached out and touched the flat of the blade with the tip of my finger. The dagger was roughly one and a half feet long, two thirds of which was made up of the blade, the rest made up of the hilt and cross guard, the blade was long slender and straight, colored silver and had a graceful line of his native writing down the center and inlaid with some sort of black stone, the hilt was black with silver wire wrapped around the grip and a straight silver cross guard. It was a beautiful deadly weapon and he handled it with a skill and familiarity that was a damn turn on! I turned my head away and buried my face into his chest to hide the deep blush on my cheeks.

"What time is it" i asked after a moment, voice getting muffled by his solid body. I felt him shift slightly and he answered.

"2:00 pm, why do you ask?"

I made a noncommittal sound in the back of my throat and we lapsed back into silence again for a while. We were finely forced into action by my bodies needs, my stomach growled and i felt his purr spike for a moment before he asked severely.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Um" i did a fast mental calculation and said sheepishly "i had a half glass of milk yesterday morning"

Jasper sat up quickly pushing me aside and crouching over me glaring in disbelief.

"Are you mad" he hissed in outrage and i flinched back slightly "are you completely insane, you need more fucking nutrition then that, i am surprised you haven't passed out yet"

He backed out of bed quickly found his pants and pulled them on, when I moved to get up however he pointed one finger at me like a gun and said sharply.

"You stay right where you fucking are, i am absolutely not letting you out of this god damned bed until i have you well fed, am i clear?"

I flopped back onto the pillows in full pout mode, that loosened him up slightly and he backed from the room laughing.

As soon as he was gone i sat up and examined the mess we'd created, the bedding was crumpled on the floor and so was most of everything else that had been on my bedside table, crawling to the end of the bed i peered over the side and catching a glimpse of black lace amidst the carnage picked it up for inspection, when i saw what it was i pursed my lips in speculation, my black bra, cut right down the center, i dropped it back on the pile and reaching out managed to snag the corner of his shirt and pull it to me without having to get off the bed, lifting it to my nose i inhaled deeply pulling that dark spicy scent of his right down into my lungs and felt myself come alive, i bit my lip for a moment and then cursing myself to hell and back, i turned it right side out and pulled it on, feeling idiotic but unable to help myself i stood up and held my arms out to the side, looking down i giggled, the shirt positively dwarfed me, it hung down to my knees and went almost all the way out to my wrists, I flopped down again with an utter lack of grace and folded my legs up, after a quick peek down the hall to make sure Jasper wasn't coming i snatched up the dagger and held it carefully with both hands, turning it over repeatedly i examined it more thoroughly noticing the complete lack of damage or flaws, not even the barest hint of a scratch, it was as if it had never been used though the hole in my headboard definitely proved otherwise, i was so caught up in the inspection of the beautiful weapon that i totally failed to notice Jasper approaching until he spoke from the doorway.

"I can teach you to use that if you like"

I jumped guiltily and accidentally slashed my finger, blood welled out quickly and started to drip on the blade, he rolled his eyes and walked over setting a tray full of food down on the bedside table, he grabbed my wrist and pulled it up to his mouth, he sucked quickly and licked quicker sealing the wound shut, and then gently taking the knife from me managed to somehow lick the blood off without cutting himself, i grimaced and muttered crossly.

"Show off!"

He laughed and pulled the tray over to him, lifting the lids off the various plates he uncovered a lavish meal right off the four seasons menu, waffles with berries and cream, a mushroom and green onion omelet with hash browns on the side, oatmeal with sugar, cinnamon and blueberries on top, and sausage on the side, all topped off with a pot of tea.

My eyes bugged out at the threat of so much food at one time.

"Don't worry" he said smiling while pouring the tea and handed it to me, "i am eating too"

I relaxed immediately, a man...er male, his size could probably eat more then this on his own. He started to cut up the waffle into little bits and held one out to me on a fork with a strawberry perched precariously on top, I leaned forward and opening my mouth took it while simultaneously glaring at him with as much force as i could muster, he seemed only delighted at my bad behavior and offered me another piece.

He fed me like this until we'd polished off the entire meal, never allowing me enough time to pick up a fork and feed myself, I sighed deeply when i saw the last bite disappear into his mouth and laid back against the headboard, blissfully overfed, Jasper watched me closely, eyes examining every inch of my body before finely settling on his shirt, he smiled with a very masculine satisfaction and i blushed, I examined him in return and was not disappointed with what i saw, he was standing now gathering up the dirty dishes and he looked so absolutely drop-dead gorgeous standing there with his leather pants sitting low on his perfect hips, bare foot and bare chested, that i quickly forgot about everything else, wearing as little clothing as he was i had a terrific view of his body and i had to admit that even in his rough shape it was still better then most human men ever acquired, hell even his feet were beautiful! he paused for a moment and ran one graceful hand through his now short hair making it stand up in punky spikes, he yawned and shook his head and rolled his shoulders to try and dispel some of his apparent fatigue and my eyes were drawn upward, the first thing i noticed was the military dog tags hanging around his neck, the second was the three scars on his right shoulder, i remembered what he'd told me about his past and wondered if there was more to his backing out of the room to get the meal then just watching over me, quietly i said.

"Jasper turn around"

He instantly and his now silver eyes shot to mine before he asked coldly, "why?"

I wasn't surprised by the reaction at all it was only natural after all he'd been through, and i had some sound logic to combat it.

"I am going to see them eventually Jazz, why not now? in the beginning"

He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again and chewed on his lower lip, he swallowed hard and started to shift his weight from foot to foot, eyes darting around the room swiftly and a light sheen of sweat breaking out all over his body, i didn't say a word, knew only to well, the battle between instinct and willpower that was taking place right in front of me. He started to pant, lightly at first but quickly gaining speed until suddenly he he stopped it by holding his breath, a frustrated look entered his eyes and then he closed them and let out his breath, he just stood there breathing for a long time and then he slowly turned, pivoting around like a statue on a pedestal, rigid and still. When his back came into view i clenched my jaw shut hard to keep from yelling in outrage! twelve long scars crisscrossed across his back showing pale white against his lightly tan skin, the three that extended from across his shoulder were the shortest ending halfway down his back, but the nine others stretched all the way across his back from shoulder to hip slanted to form an uneven X and also making each individual scar longer. A wave of pure vengeance washed over me and i suddenly wanted nothing more then to brutally slaughter the vampires who had so cruelly beaten him! i quickly shoved the unruly emotions aside for later consideration and scrambled off the bed, i walked up to him and reached out and touched one of the scars where it began at his shoulder blade, he flinched at the contact whole body going tense but i didn't care, i slowly, lightly trailed one finger down the length of the scar to his opposite hip and then wrapped my arm around his waist, he turned just his head and looked down at me over his shoulder, as soon as he made the eye contact i said gently.

"I wish i could cause them as much pain as they caused you... but the actual scars mean nothing to me, you are just as amazingly gorgeous with them as you are without, in fact i would venture to say that they actually increase your sexual appeal by a vast amount, at least to humans, if they weren't a mark of the injustice and cruelty done to you i would actually like them"

I stopped when i felt the violent feelings resurfacing, i tried without much success not to envision him tied down and getting whipped raw, the blind fury swiftly returned and i swallowed hard as tempting visions of revenge swam before my eyes, it must have shown clearly on my face because he turned back around and placed his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to meet his keen stare even though i really didn't want him to see me like this.

"You really do want vengeance don't you" he said sweetly.

I nodded hard, trying to convey the depth of my desire without opening my mouth, but he blew that by asking suddenly, voice and eyes fierce.

"How much do you want it leelan"

I gave up the struggles to maintain calm and dignity and let my passions show, as soon as i did i became surprised by the tone of my voice, it was the seething hatred i had heard from him as i spoke of Mark, which in itself wasn't a big surprise, true i had never before been capable of such rage let alone of sounding serious, but the true surprise was the deadly calm that suffused my voice with the an experienced killers confidence.

"Jasper" i said coldly "i don't WANT revenge, i NEED it, need it like my next breath, i must have it or i will absolutely go insane, i WILL make them pay for this atrocity"

Jasper smiled his evil grin baring his long fangs and purred.

"Good girl!...and you will make them pay i promise you, i already have a plan, but first there is a heavy price to pay"

Totally beyond control i gripped his wrists hard and demanded.

"Tell me"

He laughed in murderous glee and then looked me right in the eyes and changed my life.

"You have to become a vampire, only then will you have the capabilities you need to make them pay"

I didn't hesitate to ask.

"How will i do it?"

Excitement and hope flared in his eyes before he spoke and then he told me exactly what i was going to have to do, carefully making sure i understood every little detail, when he was finished i calmly asked.

"what is the price i must pay for this?"

His eyes saddened and he wrapped his arms around me before answering.

"You have to leave your current life behind you, as a vampire you will never again see the sun or your friends and family"

I hesitated this time for just a moment and then made my decision, when i spoke my voice was strong and confident.

"If that is the only price then i will gladly pay it, the sun means nothing to me never has, it was always just an annoying yellow ball in the sky making the world to bright, i have no friends and i suppose i would be able to say good-by to my family before the change right?"

He nodded in answer but asked

"Are you sure? and what of your mortality, do you really want to be breathing for the next nine hundred years?"

I smiled and answered.

"Yes i am sure... and as for the next nine hundred years, i think i can deal with it"

Jasper smiled and bent down to kiss me passionately on the mouth, i kissed back just as hard determined to hold my own with him... The phone rang shrilly, Jasper growled menacingly but otherwise ignored it, it rang again and then a third and fourth time, when it rang a fifth time i couldn't take it anymore, i pulled myself out of his arms and walked over and picked it up.....

Jasper easily controlled my struggles as he carried me down the hallway but i didn't care, I gave it all i had and twice i scored a point, i payed for them dearly though in one way. The first happened halfway down the hall when one of my elbows clipped him on the underside of the chin causing him to bite down hard on his lower lip, he turned and slammed me into the wall, taking my mouth with a hard edge and crushing the fight out of me by pure sexual force, he quickly pressed one leg between mine, both supporting me and opening me up as i was forced to spread my legs out wide on either side of his massive body, his hands swept up my sides coming to rest on my shoulders for a moment before suddenly tearing the fabric off my torso to reveal the sheer black lace underneath, he leaned back to have a better look at me keeping his hips tight to mine so i couldn't escape, his mouth pulled up into an erotic, evil, crooked grin, and he ran his index finger over the black lace strap where it touched my skin, and down to the fine weave covering my breasts caressing my delicate skin, I arched under his hand, pushing my chest out and away from the wall, allowing my head to fall back and to the side, he quickly took the invitation my body instinctively gave him, the one he had practically demanded i give him, and leaned in and bit me hard on the curve between the neck and shoulder, I gasped and he repeated it slowly working his way up to the underside of my jaw and then switching over to the other side not even bothering to close the numerous wounds he was creating,I quickly noticed that there was considerably more pain involved then before, the bites didn't get me off right away like they normally did, instead they were sharply painful with an erotic under layer, one that he controlled completely. He was the driver of the action, solely responsible for how I experienced his touch, and what a driver he was! nearly three hundred years worth of sexual experience in play all at once, a true master of the arts as it was. The pain i didn't mind, I had known for several years already that I was a masochist, but it had never before mattered, it was something that I rarely acted upon, funny how the first night we'd met had been one of those times, now it mattered, the pain had an effect on me now that it wouldn't normally have, right now it was exactly what i needed, it added a thrilling dangerous edge to the already existing erotic thrill of being taken by a warrior vampire. Jasper continued to bit and caress me until i lost track of all coherent thought. He drove me cruelly, teasingly, he knew exactly what to do and when, to bring me right to the edge, but he always backed off right before i came, every action was carefully calibrated to gather the storm but he wouldn't allow the storm to break. He tortured me for what seemed like hours until i thought i would die from it, and then he suddenly let loose all of his vast talent and experience and drove me right over the edge. With my mind all but thoroughly shoved onto some high shelf by Jasper, and completely out of my reach my body reacted exactly how he wanted it to, I myself knew nothing of what I was doing, so it took me by surprise when i cam out of it to discover that i was actually crying, tears streaking down my cheeks, Jasper quickly kissed them away before they could reach my throat and seal the bites closed with salt making them permanent, he bent down further and sealed the bites closed then kissed me on the corner of my mouth, the roughness momentarily tampered by his instinct to sooth, I sighed lightly and melted into him, allowing myself to be reliant on him for a short time. Then with a quick smile I wriggled out of his grasp and made a break for the living room and the game was on again. He let me get most of the way down the hall before he wrapped one arm around my waist and popped me easily off my feet tossing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and starting back down the hall, I twisted around so that he lost his grip on me, and he simply let me fall to the floor and then stood over me in a strongly domineering pose, legs spread out for balance and dark amusement written all over him, I quickly flipped off the floor and made another useless run for it, this time he didn't pursue me the normal way, the human way, the FAIR way, instead he simply appeared in front of me, arms crossed, wide body blocking my escape and the same look of enjoyment at my helplessness on his face, if it weren't for the fact that i knew him, his behavior would have scared the crap out of me. I turned to try the other way, only to find him already there having anticipated my intent and moved to block it, I looked over my shoulder and there he was and getting closer each time, a shot of very real panic hit me as i realized that he could trap me anytime, anywhere, with absolute ease. His nostrils flared and his grin widened, eyes flashing as he caught the scent of my fear. Jasper disappeared right in front of my eyes, just melted into the air, and reappeared behind me wrapping one arm around me and locking both my wrists in front of me with his hand, he pivoted quickly and pushed me face first into the hall table knocking the lamp to the floor where it shattered sending glass sliding all over the place, he bent me over the table pulling my arms over my head and kicked my feet apart, spreading my legs again and pressed his hips into me so i could fell how much he wanted in me, I trembled and cried out loudly feeling unusually exposed, a feeling that intensified as he used his free hand to practically tear my pants off leaving me in the sheer lace bra and thong that i had put on the previous morning with no intention of it ever being seen, meanwhile he was still fully dressed. The trembling in my body got worse as he placed his free hand lightly on my hip -his other hand still wrapped bruisingly hard around both my wrists holding me captive- he slipped it around to my belly, easily spanning the width between my hipbones with his long fingers. Keeping our bodies pressed tightly together he started to rub my skin in small circles, each time dipping a little lower until his pinkie slipped below the edge of the thong making my breath shake, he pulled it back up quickly and started over, frustrated i used one foot to kick him in the shins as hard as i could making him chuckle darkly before suddenly giving me what i wanted and and sliding his whole hand down between my legs, all the fight went out of me instantly, i pushed my hips out and moaned softly, instinctively i dropped my head in submission. As my body went lax beneath him Jasper let out a shout of triumph and whipping me into his arms had me down the hall and into the bedroom before i could recover from what had happened in the hall, he tossed me effortlessly on the bed where i sprawled out luxuriously on top of the comforter opening my legs wide, arching my back and throwing my head back splaying my hair around me, and stretching my arms above my head, I watched him undress through heavily lidded eyes my body literally twitching with desire, Jasper worked quickly, stripping to the skin in seconds, he took one of his double edged daggers from the chest holster and prowled up the bed with it between his teeth, a wicked glint in his eyes and a fierce growl sliding out of his throat, I smiled and closed my eyes knowing full well what he was going to do and trusting him completely, I felt his hand land on my left foot and ride slowly up to my hip and then something cold barely touched my skin, the same happened on the other side and the lace was pulled off my body, the same fate befell my bra and as soon as he had exposed my bare skin he put his mouth to my nipple and sucked, a moan eased out of my throat and i drew up one leg stroking the back of his thigh with the tips of my toes, Jasper pulled back instantly and there was a loud thud above my head before he kissed me roughly using his tongue and hands to dominate me, taking me slow but hard, when he broke off from the kiss and put his lips to my shoulder again i looked above me to see his long dagger embedded halfway into my headboard, I smiled knowingly and wrapped my arms around him, burying my hands in his rich soft hair, i bit him on the shoulder and he jerked, a low powerful growl rolling out of his chest to match his rough, slow rhythm,

"Give me more" i demanded on a hoarse whisper and i licked up his thick neck to his jaw and then bit him in the throat right over his vein hard enough to draw blood, Jasper let out a full throated roar and complied...

I didn't take long to tell my story, it was quite short. When i was finished i became seriously concerned again, Jasper was just sitting there in stony silence, literally, his body posture was statue still, rigid and cold, and it was throwing off an aura of pure savage, vicious anger, just like in the ally and now i knew what to expect when he was in this sort of mood! but it was different, this time it had a new cunning edge to it, the sharp intelligence didn't help the fear inspiring air he was throwing off, it only made him more terrifying, I started to feel really sorry for Mark, i definitely wouldn't want Jasper after me with all that experience and strength. I sighed feeling somewhat guilty and found myself unconsciously examining him, his mouth and jaw were tense, his eyes -narrowed and back in the more familiar metallic silver- stared straight ahead with a fixation that made me wonder if he was already planning to abandon the agreement and kill the unfortunate man, i noticed when the change in eye color occurred and realized that the silver was an angry color, scratch that more like an enraged color, and that he must have been chronically pissed off before we met, which wasn't hard to imagine really. I continued to watch him as he processed the information i had just given him, and thought of Mark, if he had known ahead of time what the consequences of his actions were going to be i seriously doubted he would have tried what he tried, not that he didn't deserve it or anything but this was almost overkill, almost, the sadistic side of me pointed out that he really hadn't cared about what might have happened to him for it, that was what made it exciting for him, and now i had every right to give him what he gave me, i had the right to destroy his confidence and mental well being, i had the right to cause him pain and suffering, and BOY was i going to deliver!

Jasper closed his eyes and took a deep breath rubbing his forehead with both hands, when he opened them again they were almost completely back to the mismatched that i loved, although they still had a slight lingering metallic sheen to them, he smiled though and it was the old smile, warm, teasing, and somewhat mischievous, but it bared his long canines which unfortunately just happened to be longer then i had ever seen them before, maybe four inches! He stretched out his long sexy legs in front of him and grabbed the wine bottle from the coffee table, watching me out of the corner of his eyes the whole time he lifted the entire bottle to his lips and drained it swiftly, i swallowed hard, my heart started to race -traitorous thing that it was- the reaction was no doubt his intention and damn me but he knew me well, he set the now empty bottle down next to him and drew his legs back up wrapping his arms around his shins like people do when they are cold and clasping one long hand around the other wrist, placing his chin on his knees he looked up at me through his long lashes, eyes hypnotic and deadly, i fell into them getting caught in them like a bird gets caught in the eyes of a hungry snake, the seductive pull completely irresistible, he just stared at me for the longest time never looking away from my eyes, keeping me under his control, and then he said apologetically, voice low and purely sexual.

"I know that didn't look very good... drinking like that but it helps me focus more"

He looked down releasing me from the hypnotic quality of his stare and i quickly took advantage of the opportunity, looking as far away from him as was possible, my gaze landed on one of the windows, or rather what was outside it. Winter was fully underway so the green lawn was covered under huge snowdrifts as were the dark green conifer trees, far away in the east i could see the towering mountains outlined against a pale pinkish glow, the sun was rising.

Jasper followed my line of sight and cursed under his breath, after a moment he sighed getting up and stretching.

"I have to go"

A slow smile stretched across my face as i turned back to face him exultant, he frowned, looking at me in total confusion as to why i was smiling at the prospect of him having to leave, out of mercy i quickly said.

"You actually don't, watch"

So saying i got up and crossed the room to the light switch, i deftly hooked my finger nails behind the plaque and swung it open to reveal a hidden keypad, very aware of the swiftly rising sun and my mates sensitivity to it i quickly punched in a code and watched as huge steel shutters slide shut over all the windows sealing us in completely, i turned to look at him and found him staring at the windows totally dumbfounded, i giggled in shock at his expression and he switched his gaze over to me and asked crossly.

"How long have these been here?"

I smiled a bit, knowing the thought behind the question and replied softly, reassuringly.

"Only since i threw you out, see i uh...didn't really feel safe without YOU here"

My smile became apologetic as i turned slightly to close the light switch so that the keypad was once again hidden. He seemed to relax slightly and he walked over to one of the windows, reaching out he touched the glass with his fingertips and smiled in amazement.

"It's incredible" he breathed "completely ingenious"

I laughed at his reaction, a mix of boyish excitement and adult incredulity. I walked slowly to the couch again and sat down beckoning him over, he came somewhat reluctantly and sat on the arm of the couch so that he was higher up then me and leaned over me leering slightly and said, voice husky.

"If i am not much mistaken this would mean that we have all day locked in here together and nothing of importance to do"

I could already tell where this was heading, namely the bedroom, so just for fun i asked a question to try and distract him although i WAS really wondering.

"Now that i gave you all that information how will you find Mark?"

Jasper frowned and rested his elbow on his knee placing his chin heavily in his palm, he considered the question carefully and then asked.

"Do you have a computer?"

"Yes, why?" i asked completely bemused.

"Because i would greatly prefer to show you"

I grimaced and stood up reluctantly, pausing for a moment i stretched my arms above my head and watched as his eyes went straight to my chest and flared, a deep smoldering sexy glow starting up, i quickly dropped my arms to my sides and turned my back to him, moving fast i retrieved my laptop and returned to the couch where he was waiting looking as if he hadn't moved an inch, i sat and turned so i was facing him with my back against the arm and folded my legs up Buddha style, silently i held it out to him and he took it, positioning it so that i couldn't see the screen, he turned it on and while he waited for it to load properly he whistled softly to himself, Beethoven's Fur Elise, I smiled as i listened to one of my favorite classical songs coming out of a warrior vampire, when the computer had finished loading he focused intently on the screen and spent a while typing in what seemed to me to be random patterns and bursts, long fingers flying across the keys at a completely inhuman speed, finely he handed it back to me smiling, i took it keeping my eyes on him warily, feeling strangely suspicious, when i looked down it took me a moment to comprehend what i was seeing, but then the information sank in and my jaw dropped open in astonishment, he laughed, it was a top secret u.s. government file detailing some sort of experiment out in the Nevada dessert, i looked up at him in shock, he had a smug, self satisfied look on his face which increased as he read my eyes, totally shaken i asked.

"You're a fucking hacker?"

his smile widened as he replied smugly

"A super hacker actually, there is a big difference"

I sighed heavily and ruffled my hair, a habit i had had since i was about ten years old, and something it would seem we shared in common, I looked down at the screen again and something occurred to me, i didn't look up as i asked somewhat belatedly.

"Wont they know you hacked into their files? cant they track you?"

Jasper shook his head as he spoke.

"I devised a system before i was kicked out of the military that allows me to hack into their files without their knowledge, and even if they did find out they cant track me, i was always really good at this, better then anybody else'

He took the computer back, shutting it down and placing it carefully on the coffee table before before continuing.

"I can find out exactly where dear old Mark lives and everything he has been up to lately with little difficulty"

He suddenly shifted his position so he was sitting on the seat rather then the arm bringing him closer to me and folded his legs so his posture reflected mine, his expression also shifted becoming excited and seductive, he leaned into me and slipped one arm around my waist pulling me into him saying.

"Now that it seems you're done trying to distract me, may i suggest a more exciting pastime"

He leveled his eyes on me again and i wondered if he was trying to WILL me into submission, not that it was really necessary, i was more then willing to disappear with him for the day, i shifted away slightly and asked teasingly.

"Like what? chess"

He purred and tightened his grip on my body, when he spoke his voice had sunken into a deep bass the likes of which i had never heard before and it was once again warped almost beyond understanding by the rumbling purr coming out of him, and strangely enough that slight sexy accent came out stronger in this condition. He went and pulled me right into his lap laying back against the end of the couch and stretching himself out beneath me so i was laying on his chest.

"I am sure i could think of a few things"

I rolled my eyes and stretched up to plant a kiss on the underside of his jaw against his throat... instantly he was off the couch and striding down the hall towards my bedroom and lord help me but i fought him the whole way, i didn't stand a chance against him of course and either way i had no real intention of saying no, but damn me i was going to make him fucking work to get me....

Jasper growled and gave up the fight, allowing his mouth to open, his fangs extended to what i presumed to be drinking length, but he avoided my eyes as he said.

"I am way to thirsty love, it is far to risky for me to feed from you in this condition"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, it was just like him to worry about me while he himself was in critical shape.

"Look at me Jasper" i whispered with a touch of menace in my voice, when he complied as i knew he would, i understood exactly why he had looked away in the first place, his eyes positively burned with a raging fevered blood lust that wildly exceeded my expectations, my stomach fluttered excitedly, and i had to swallow a knot of anticipation, even so, when i continued my voice was way to shaky and breathy for my taste.

"Listen Jazz, you're not even physically capable of doing me harm OK, so there's nothing to worry about, i will perfectly fine"

He threw me a sharp disparaging look and then glanced down at the floor, when he spoke his voice had a sour accusing note in it.

"If there's nothing to worry about then why is your voice so unstable?"

I laughed loudly and his eyes flickered over to mine in surprise, but i couldn't help it the fact that we were mates -and there was definitely no denying that one- and that he could get in my head if he wished and that through all this there was still a misunderstanding going between us was completely ridiculous.

"Jasper" i said still giggling "my voice is unstable because of anticipation not fear, silly"

His eyes narrowed slightly and he searched my face for any sign that i was just lying to get him to feed, after a long moment in which small giggles continued to break out periodically, he smiled a bit and reached up with one hand and wrapped it around the back of my neck, gently he pulled me down so that i was bent over him with throat right over his mouth, he put his lips to my ear and whispered silkily.

"I love giving you things, my female"

then he licked up my throat from my collarbone up to the underside of my jaw, the warm wet drag causing my body to heat rapidly. I noticed vaguely that his body was vibrating, shaking with the force of his thirst and control waring with each other, he wrapped his free arm around my back so that his hand gripped my opposite shoulder, and pulled my tighter against him crushing the air from my lungs, i didn't mind at all, in fact i wanted more, a lot more. His mouth opened and i felt the sharp points of his fangs ride slowly up my neck with a soft scratching feeling, i panted swiftly, unable to draw in a full breath in this condition, and then with a swift tilt of his head they sank deep into my throat tapping into the vein on the left side of my neck. I gasped as the familiar shock wave of pleasure and energy washed through me, he latched on and started to drink, taking long, deep pulls from my body, a soft moan eased out of his chest as i satisfied his bodies needs, all i could do was lay there on top of him with my chin tilted sharply back and my hands buried deep in his thick blue-black hair. After a while i noticed that he wasn't drinking as hard anymore and the pulls on my neck grew even weaker as i noticed, gradually he slacked off until he was just taking small sips. Finely he released his hold on my body and i felt his tongue slide gently over the puncture wounds sealing them closed, he pulled back and looked at me and his beautiful eyes were glassy and half lidded, almost like he was tired but even as i watched, the blood lust faded to be replaced with a lust of another kind, my heart fluttered and then picked up its rhythm again only faster! when he spoke his voice was a strange combination of rough and raw and velvet smooth.

"Thank you"

"Any time" i replied smiling weakly.

He laughed deeply, but it didn't affect his stare much, if anything it intensified the erotic lust shinning in his mismatched eyes.

"So polite aren't you" he mocked softly.

He pushed himself up on his arms and twisted around so that he was sitting on the couch beside me, he leaned back and sighed heavily running a hand through his short hair and making it stick up in untidy spikes.

I just sat there and waited, i could tell something was coming and i had to admit i was surprised and somewhat disappointed that he had allowed me to get off of him, then again the last three months had probably taught him a lot about self control, that was when i started to wonder when the last time he'd fed, and why the hell was he so thin? i risked a peek at him out of the corner of me eye, already he looked better had more color in his skin, more light in his eyes, he looked incredibly vibrant considering his near emaciated state,

"What?" he asked suddenly and out of the blue.

I jumped nervously in shock, his voice was at a normal pitch for the first time in who knew how long and it sounded way to loud in the quiet night, then i realized what he'd said.

"How did you know?" i asked sheepishly.

He rolled his head over and looked at me with a slightly patronizing smile playing around his sensual mouth.

"How easily you forget" he murmured softly "my senses are a hundred times more acute then yours, i could feel your eyes on me"

I grimaced delicately, that was just fantastic!

"So what were you going to ask me?" he continued with an amusement that was beginning to irk me.

"I was wondering" i i said slowly, hesitantly "why you are so thin, actually make it more like why you've changed so much"

Jasper snorted good humoredly and ruffled his hair again a habit he seemed to have picked up sometime after he cut it, when he spoke though his voice was serious and intense.

"Male vampires without their mates often don't want to continue living, lord knows i didn't, but if we have a good enough reason to like avenging her if she's dead or protecting her if she's alive, or anything really that has that sort of importance, then we dedicate our lives to the cause" He smiled for a moment then was serious again "it was obvious right from the start that you really needed my to stick around, you seem to have an uncanny knack for bringing in renegade vampires, for that reason and that reason only i forced myself to eat just enough to stay alive for you, as for feeding? well, i couldn't do it, i tried about three weeks after you kicked me out..."

I flinched at the none subtle reminder of my idiotic mistake, but i quickly pulled myself together when i noticed that he didn't seem all that bothered by the memory, then again he wasn't the one who made the mistake in the first place, he paused though as if he'd noticed my reaction and reached out and trailed his fingertips across my cheekbone.

"I still don't understand how you've forgiven me for that" i said confusedly.

"I've switched my anger to somebody else is all, to the right person, the one responsible for this mess" he said with a touch of menace, when he continued with his story his voice had an unpleasant sound to it, hollow and disgusted, "i waited until i couldn't take the thirst anymore and when that happened i didn't know what to do about it, so i tried what i had always done, i went and found some random female that was drunk, as in about to pass out and fed from her, needless to say it was nothing like you, she was drunk, high, and pissed off, not to mention the blood itself, nothing like yours, i could hardly hold it down. For years i had lived like that drinking from girls like her, i never used to have a problem with it, actually it used to be kinda fun because once her blood mingled with mine i would get a toned down version of whatever she had, drunk, high, it didn't matter to m, now it made me sick, then there was you, despite the fact that you had blown me off it still felt like a betrayal to you to feed from another, come to think of it i should have known better from the start, no male feeds from another unless in critical condition, like maybe on the verge of death, anyway i ended up feeding from the local deer which will sustain me for about sixteen hours, not quite a full day, and even then i stretched it out for as long as i possibly could, but every time i had an exceedingly hard time keeping it down, it was like a person who had drunk bad milk all his life getting introduced to fresh milk and then having it taken away and having to go back to the bad milk again, anyway it's kinda nice not to be having to fight the gag

reflex right now, as for why i changed my appearance, well that's easy, you made me realize how much i had changed and how much i was hiding and from what? nobody is ever going to tell me how much of a failure i am out here and the change in style is a combat thing as you've probably already guessed" Jasper stopped talking and got up, he started to pace back and forth, letting me have some time to think it all over, i thought about what he had said and wondered why if he had stuck around to protect me had those six vampires gotten through, when i asked him he snarled and said.

"I had to leave you to go hunt, and they were apparently watching for an opening, you are a very lucky young woman that i wasn't very far away and that i could feel your fear, because of the blood you forced me to take before i left"

I thought about that for a moment then got distracted by the milk comparison thing, that made me smile, i looked up at him pacing and asked.

"Is my blood really as good as all that?"

He walked over and planted his fists into the seat on either side of my hips so that he was crouched over me, he leaned forward and kissed me lightly, teasingly, and said on a purr.

"Your blood is intoxicating, i cant get enough of it, if i hang around you for very long your neck will be covered with my bites, other female's blood is like water compared to yours"

My breath left me on a shaky gust as my mind focused on the image of my neck covered with HIS bites my males bites, surprisingly it didn't bother me at all, i loved it, he was still leaning over me so i reached up and ran my finger over his lower lip, his eyes flared and then narrowed and his mouth parted slightly, carefully i slipped my finger into his mouth, he closed his lips around it and sucked on it lightly winking as he did so, but then he pulled back growing suddenly serious and said.

"Now...it's your turn to talk, i need that info so i can go after this guy"

I closed my eyes and sighed, i had completely forgot about what i was supposed to be doing tonight, all of a sudden Jasper just disappeared, only to reappear a few seconds later, he sat down on the floor and taking my hand he placed a glass in it.

"Drink it" he said "it will hell trust me"

I looked at what was in the glass, wine, and smiled remembering the night he had eaten dinner with me and how he had opened up for me, he deserved the same from me, i brought the glass to my lips and drank it all in one go, when i finished it i handed the glass to him and he refilled it and gave it back, i took a few sips and and started talking, slowly at first and then more quickly, i told him my story, and watched his expression change from calm to enraged and his eyes change from mismatched to silver....

One and a half hours later the police cruiser i am riding in pulls up in front of my house, the lights are all out as usual but i know perfectly well that, that means nothing when it comes to a vampire. I thank the officer who gave me a ride and walk over to the door feeling strangely nervous, or maybe not so strangely, after all Jasper was a very emotional man... er male, and could easily change his mind about forgiving me. I took a deep breath and reached out to turn the door knob, it turned easily even though i had most definitely locked it before leaving, i let out my breath, he was here then. i opened the door and slipped inside closing it quickly and turning my back to lock it, i found the light switch and turned it on with a practiced flick of my wrist. I hesitate for a moment then turn around to face the living room, and there he is, comfortably reclined on my couch like he owned the damn thing, his trench coat was neatly folded and laid over the back, with the result that i got to see exactly how thin he'd gotten in the last three months, and also the shitload of weapons he was carrying, i gulped when i saw those.

"I see it didn't take you very long to clean up the mess"

He smiled slightly as if i had said something truly amusing instead of a perfectly logical statement.

"I was in the military remember" he reminded me quietly "six bodies don't present me with much of a challenge"

I pursed my lips thoughtfully and said.

"I don't see how that would help, i mean why would you learn to clean up your messes by being in the military?"

"Because of you pesky humans" he sighed as if this fact should be obvious to me, "we cant really afford for some random human to find an entire field of dead vampires while on a midnight stroll, now can we?"

I agreed with him with an absentminded air, and walked into the kitchen calling out over my shoulder.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure, why not" he answered with a slightly disgruntled tone, i peeked out at him to find him staring in my direction, i quickly ducked behind the wall again, embarrassed. I heard him sigh and then suddenly he was standing right in front of me, i jumped like a startled rabbit and slapped him on the arm,

"God damn it Jasper!" i nearly screamed at him "cut that out before you give me a fucking heart attack, will you!"

"Ouch!" he complained "that hurt"

"Then grow up for fucks sake!" i shot back then asked more composedly "why'd you do that anyway?"

He laughed in a short sharp burst and answered.

"You were avoiding me, i don't like it when you do that, and until you stop i will continue to do exactly what i just did"

"Then you will continue to be slapped every time you startle me, and it will be your own damn fault"

We stood there glaring at each other until he looked down and said.

"so be it"

I shook my head and went to get the drinks thinking the guy was insane, scratch that, knowing he was insane, anybody who willingly took the abuse i had recently given him and then forgave right away had to be either completely out of his mind or completely in love, of course i already knew which one it was but it still didn't make much sense to me.

"What do you want to drink?" i asked to try and get my thoughts out of the course they were on.

"Coke, if you have it"

his voice was low and husky and it took me a moment to understand why, then i realized that i had bent over at the waist, not a wise thing to do if i wanted to stay out from under him for any length of time.

"Get your mind out of the fricken gutter Jazz, this is supposed to be a business meeting"

In the windows reflection i caught sight of his reaction, he winced and looked away saying.

"Yeah sorry, wont happen again"

I braced my hands on the lip of the counter hanging my head and cursing myself, how could i be so careless?

"That wasn't what i meant Jasper"

A hand landed gently on my back and i jumped slightly, he bent down and whispered softly.

"You don't need to apologize, Honey, i know how hard it is for you now, that doesn't mean it wont hurt but, but i know you don't mean it"

I looked up and met his eyes, they were impossibly kind considering what i had seen an hour and a half ago. Then again he had recently switched his anger to somebody else, i thought of Mark and pitied him in spite of what he had done to me, Jasper just wasn't the sort of person you wanted angry at you.

"I really don't deserve you" i whispered sadly.

"Nonsense" he said firmly "i have been alive for three hundred years and the only one who has ever treated me as a person is you! it is I who doesn't deserve you!"

i laughed weakly, it was just like him to glorify me, i realized exactly how much i had almost lost forever and decided i was being stupid trying to understand him and his reasoning, it just wasn't possible! he was a three hundred year old warrior vampire, i was a teenage human train wreck. the thought processes were just bound to be different. i straightened up and turned into him, letting him wrap me up, and comfort me as he seemed to want to.

"I'm being stupid aren't i?" i asked him softly aware of the way he was trembling slightly and instinctively wanting to protect him, how odd that i had been the one to hurt him so badly, i vowed to myself that i would never be the cause of his pain again, i would be the one to comfort him, but never again would i hurt him, no matter what, it was long past the right time to get over my fear of a man loving me, especially him.

He laughed a bit at my question and answered humorously.

"Just a little, but then females do that a lot, it's perfectly natural, and by the way you are by no means the first to reject a male telling you they love you, quite a few females do that, especially warriors females, and with much less reason, so if you happen to be wondering why i have forgiven you so quickly, then there's your answer"

I looked up and found he was looking down at me, with a profound relief in his eyes.

"Are you reading my mind or something?"

Jasper gave me a slightly sheepish grin and said.

"A bit"

My jaw dropped open in astonishment, then i buried my face in his chest overwhelmed by the fact that he could probably hear all my most embarrassing thoughts and i was horrible about controlling them. He started rubbing my back, a slow circular rhythm that soothed me quickly, and whispered in my ear.

"Go sit down leelan, i will get the drinks"

Mindlessly i obeyed, walking out into the living room and sinking into the couch where he had been sitting when i arrived, only seconds later he joined me, sitting beside me and handing me one of the drinks, i was still having trouble recalibrating my thoughts of him, and my situation in general when he said.

"Would you like an explanation on how it works?"

I rubbed my eyes and looked over at him, he was reclined against the end of the couch with one leg up and the other on the floor, and his head resting in one hand, holding his drink in the other,despite all the weapons on him he looked the the picture of ease, sitting there with a small smile on his face as if we were discussing nothing more exotic then the weather.

"Yes please" i breathed weakly, god knew i seemed to get weak a lot around him.

His smile widened until i could see the sharp points of his fangs, he took a sip of the drink and looked at me mischievously.

"It's quiet simple actually, once i taste your blood i can reach out and touch your mind at will, as long as i keep my mind quiet you would never know i was there, quite a weapon during a fight eh, anyway don't worry this was the first time i have tried, and you could reach out to me as well no matter the distance... by the way nobody else knows about this, and i would greatly appreciate if you would keep it that way"

He gave me a meaningful look and waited still smiling widely. I thought about what that could mean, the possibilities it presented for us if we could always be in touch (literally) no matter where we were, damn that was a great trick, i came back to myself to discover that i was smiling like an idiot, i didn't care in the slightest, i launched myself at him and kissed him passionately, he stiffened in shock for just the tiniest fraction of a second and then kissed back, all i cared about was that i had my male back and this time i wasn't about to let my fucking past ruin it.

"God damn you Jasper" i whispered against his mouth "i don't how you did it but i am completely in love with you"

He started to purr and wrapped his free arm around my waist, pulling me in tighter.

"Say that again" he whispered back in complete ecstasy "tell me again, i need to hear you say it"

"I love you Jasper,i really love you something fierce, and this time you're not getting out of it"

He laughed, a deep rumble in his chest and pulled back to look at me, when he did i gasped in surprise, his eyes weren't the silver i was used to, instead the left one was dark green, and the right one dark blue, mismatched just like he'd said, it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, and the sexiest too.

"What!" he asked taken aback by my reaction,

"Your eyes..." i whispered in awe,trailing off, i reached out and touched his tattooed temple, i trailed my fingers over his high cheekbones, "they're blue and green now"

He sat up instantly pushing me into a sitting position and holding me at arms distance his eyes were wide with disbelief and shock.

"Are you fucking serious!" he asked hoarsely.

I just nodded in assent, and he shot off the couch to the closest mirror, he stopped and looked at himself for a long time, then he sank to his knees, reaching out he touched the glass in wonder, i got up and walked over to him placing one hand on his shoulder i stood behind him so that we both showed in the reflection.

"I'm back" he whispered almost silently "i'm finely back"

He reached up with his free hand and placed it over mine, closing his new eyes he leaned back into my legs and cried, i knelt down and pulled him into my lap cradling him gently as his mother should have and which i guessed she hadn't.

After who knew how long he stopped and sat up, he looked at me warily as if i might have been frightened off by the display of emotion, and i smiled knowing how he felt.

"Don't feel sorry for crying" i said quietly and kissed him on the cheek, he closed his eyes and sighed softly, when he spoke his voice was softer and gentler then i had ever heard it before, almost normal, though not quite it was still inhumanly beautiful, deep, musical and sexy as hell, the accent was a real killer.

"Thank you leelan,"

I stood up and and pulled him to the couch with me, i sat down and laid his head in my lap, he closed his eyes and smiled seeming to be in a state of complete bliss, after a while a small sound came out of him and gradually grew stronger, he was singing! singing like i had never imagined he was capable of, the beautiful sounds leaving his lips brought tears to my eyes and and joy to my heart, i stroked his hair while he sang encouraging him to continue and he did, sending his beautiful song drifting up into the heavens. When he eventually fell silent he opened his eyes and smiled at me he reached up and stroked my cheek, his eyes drifted along my face then down my throat, his eyes latched on to the vein there and flared hungrily, i saw his jaw tense up and knew he was trying not to show how bad the thirst was, i tilted my chin up and asked teasingly.

"Thirsty Jasper?"

"Are you OK?" Jasper asked coldly, almost like he didn't care, it didn't matter, just hearing his voice again cold as it was, was an intense relief, almost like a breath of air after being under water for too long.

"Y...yes" i stammered shakily, then remembered the bites, "i mean no, they bit me"

"Where?" he asked sharply and started to walk slowly towards me.

"Everywhere" i said half jokingly, trying to calm myself.

He smiled slightly and shook his head, it wasn't the same smile at all, it was the evil, cold, cruel approximation, but it still made me weak.

"You haven't changed much at all" he said and this time his voice wasn't as cold, there was a slight hint of affection to it.

"I am not so sure about that" i said sadly, all joking vanished. By this time he was right in front of me and i had to crane my head back in order to see his face, there was a flash of life in his eyes that was quickly concealed before he asked.

"Would you like me to seal the bites closed?"

I close my eyes getting swamped in images of being close to him again, of him with his mouth at my throat, I started to tremble and opened my eyes just as he took a step back and said apologetically.

"Forget i asked"

"No!" i almost shouted "please do, i feel like i am draining out here"

He stepped forward without hesitation and knelt down at my feet, taking first one foot then the other he quickly sealed the wounds on my ankles, then he took care of the ones on my wrists, finely he stood up, placed his hands on my shoulders and tilted his head down and to the side, i tilted my chin up for him and sealed one, then switched to he other side to seal the other, i expected him to pull away immediately but instead he lingered there, taking long deep breaths, i sighed and melted into him, instantly he he leaped back hissing, his expression was wide, shocked like i had slapped him, he quickly recovered himself and said.

"You need to leave"

"Why" i asked disappointed.

"Because" he snapped impatiently "i am going to have to deal with this mess.." he gestured at the dead vampires laying strewn around "and i don't want you watching"

He turned his back to me and knelt down to riffle through the pockets of one of the bodies, the action hurt so much that i threw all caution dignity to the winds and asked loud and clear.

"Will you come to my house after?"

He looked over his shoulder at me in silence for a moment, then asked coldly.

"now why would i do a thing like that miss Dance?"

I didn't ask him how he knew my last name and ignored his use of it,i knew perfectly well that with this male i only had so much time to convince him of something, and now after what i had done to him last time it would only be harder.

"I want you to come back" i said quickly "i made a mistake and i want to......explain why"

In the blink of an eye he was on his feet and towering over me, the anger radiating off of him almost a physical force, struck me stupid.

"A mistake" he hissed in disbelief "it seemed to me, you knew exactly what you were doing"

I cowered away from him and his anger, and didn't lash out at him like i would have, had it been anybody else, he was, after all perfectly justified in his anger and disbelief, he continued to rant at me for several minutes and i took it like i had never taken a ranting from anybody else, when he paused for a moment to collect his breath, i spoke up fast, knowing this was going to be my only opening, and feeling a familiar nausea at the secret i was revealing.

"Jasper listen, the first time a man told me he loved me, he tried to rape me right after"

Jasper froze instantly so i continued as fast as i could, telling him the only thing that could make him understand, the truth.

"Since then i just cant stand being told that a person loves me, unless it is someone in my family, my reaction to your telling me you had bonded with me was an uncontrollable, completely automatic panic attack attached to the memory triggered by what you told me, not anything to do with you, yourself, i wasn't me then, i wasn't there with YOU...... do you understand what i am saying here?"

Jasper took a step back and looked up at the sky, he closed his eyes trembling, after a long time he took a deep breath and looked at me, my eyes widened in shock and fear, his eyes were no longer lifeless, no, now they were murderously enraged, flaming with his desire for vengeance, and i suddenly recalled that we were standing amidst six dead males of his own kind, whom he hadn't hesitated to kill to defend me, i started to worry, especially when he asked.

"When did this happen"

His voice was low but it seethed with the deadly calm of an experienced killer waiting for the info he needed, i gulped and said.

"A little over three years ago, and before you ask i already know what your next question is and the answer is no, i have absolutely no idea where he is now"

Jasper cursed and started to pace back and forth an the ally.

I watched him closely, analyzed his every movement trying to anticipate his next move, and even in these circumstances watching him was making me hot and breathless, i wondered absently how anybody could ever take him for human, he definitely didn't move like one, his movements were the smooth, confident, graceful ones of a skilled lethal predator, they were a god damned knockout, finely he came to a stop about four feet in front of me and crossed his arms, he shot me a sharp level stare but when he spoke his voice was unexpectedly gentle and quiet, it made me hopeful that maybe i was forgiven.

"I want to know everything Espy, i want to know every fucking detail you can remember no matter how small, his name, his age, what he looked like, how he behaved, what he said to you, where he lived, everything, because i am going to hunt that fucking bastard down and make him pay for what he tried to do to you......and i WILL find him too, with or without your help, it will just take me longer without your help, do you understand, everything!!!"

He paused and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before continuing.

"I know this sort of thing is hard to talk about leelan, but i need to do this for you, i wont be able to rest until you have been avenged"

I looked at him for a long time thinking about what he had said, he had called me leelan again!, he had called me his dearest one!. and i noticed that he didn't press me to talk right away or lose patience with me, but i didn't really want Mark dead, in pain yes, i had a fairly strong sadistic side, especially when somebody hurt me. But i didn't want him dead! then an idea came to me, i refined it a bit, making sure it would hold up, when i was satisfied i crossed my arms and said.

"I will tell you everything, on three conditions"

i stopped and waited for his reaction, when he just stood there waiting, i continued making it clear with my tone of voice that my terms were not debatable.

"First condition" i said holding up one finger "you come to my house after you're done cleaning up here, i will talk there, second condition" i said holding up another finger "i don't want him dead..." when he opened his mouth to argue i quickly said.

"Shut up and let me finish"

he closed his trap shut with an audible snap and i continued.

"I want him traumatized yes, in severe pain yes, but not dead and no permanent physical damage please. And finely, the third condition" i held up a third finger. "i am coming with you and help. If you accept these conditions i will tell you everything you need to know"

i stopped and waited while he thought it over, at first i thought he was going to decline, but then he smiled almost his old smile and said.

"Deal, i shall meet you at your house later tonight, now get going"

I returned his smile and turned away, walking quickly along the ally, towards the police station, this was going to be good!!!

I looked at Jasper, still completely unable to understand what it was he was trying to tell me, I had the horrible feeling it was very obvious.

"I still don't get it" i told him, feeling like an idiot.

He looked at me in disbelief and my feeling of being an idiot increased, he thought about it for a moment and then extended his right arm towards me palm up so that his wrist lay on the table in front of me.

"Smell it" he commanded.

I looked at him at him to see if he was joking or something, but when he just left it there in front of me i decided that he was actually serious. I leaned in and took a deep breath at his wrist. I froze in shock, the scent was unlike anything i had ever smelled before, dark spice and musk, a dark possessive masculine smell that made me think of nothing but sex, free, wild sex, the kind you had when you lost all your inhibitions, I loved it, was instantly addicted to it, couldn't draw it into my lungs fast enough, but then he pulled it back and asked.

"What do you smell?"

"Dark spice and musk" i answered "i love it"

Jasper gave me a smug satisfied look and said.

"The third identifying mark of bonding is the bonding SCENT, to the female it will always smell like dark spice, although in fact it varies from male to male... now do you understand?"

For a split second i still didn't understand, then i saw his expression and it all clicked, i jumped to my feet in outrage and yelled.

"Are you saying you've fucking bonded with me?" I had long ago learned to fear a man saying that he loved me.

Jasper flinched back and looked sheepish. That did it.

"Get out" I ordered "leave and don't come back"

as i spoke I walked to the door (which he must have fixed at some point) and held it open for him. He looked down at the floor as he whispered.

"I cant leelan"

"Why not?" I demanded, crossing my arms across my chest.

"It would kill me" he answered quietly,

I thought about that for a minute then asked.

"Literally or figuratively?"

"Figuratively" he answered "once a male bonds his whole life revolves around his female, if he is separated from his mate for any reason, well the best case scenario is he lives through it, physically anyway, worst case scenario he goes mad or commits suicide, i have personally never gone through it but i have heard numerous storiess and even watched it action, but yeah a bonded male without his mate is like an empty vessel"

He stopped talking up at me, misery shining in his eyes, i didn't care, i stayed right where I was and said.

"You said you would do anything for me, you said a bonded male would do anything to protect his female from anything unpleasant, do this for me, it is the only gift you can give me, the only thing i want from you, all i want is you gone"

Jasper stood up and walked slowly over to stand in front of me, he stopped and looked me right in the eye for a minute, when he spoke his voice was dead, completely flat, utterly lifeless.

"If that is what you want then so be it, you will not see me again"

As he made the vow i had asked of him i watched him die, I was looking him right in the eyes and I saw all the warmth, light, and life, simply bleed out of him, the stare that replaced it was cold, soulless, icy, he reached out and touched my cheek and for once my body didn't react, i was just as cold and detached as he was, and then he simply melted into the air, the last thing i saw before i was staring at the wall, was a look of intense unendurable agony on his face.

I sagged against the wall as the memory i had been holding back took over my mind, I was transported back three years ago, to a night when my first and only boyfriend told me he loved me, only an hour later he had tried to rape me. I had escaped with my virginity, but my ability to trust men outside the family had been shattered, over the following years i had recovered most of confidence and trust in men, accept when they told me they loved me, then I would get nauseous, i just couldn't take it.

When a few hours later, the memory and the accompanying panic attack passed I got to my feet and walked over to my room in a drunken state, I didn't bother with brushing my teeth, I just climbed into bed and conked out.

The next morning i woke up guilty, i couldn't get the last image of Jasper's face out of my head, it tormented me all day, and yet i couldn't see any other way it could have gone?





******

This continued for three months, and all the while i got worse, i stopped eating, i couldn't sleep more then a few hours, and i couldn't concentrate at work. figuratively i died, that was when i realized my mistake, i realized that in the space of one and a half nights i had fallen in love with a vampire. And all this time i had the feeling of being watched, but only at night, but i knew it couldn't be Jasper, he had vowed to stay away, to leave, during the few hours that i slept i had dreams in which Jasper came back, touching me lovingly and singing to me, i always awoke from these dreams crying and exhausted,, then one night my car got stolen in the middle of downtown, and i had to walk to the police station, it was late and i was tired so i decided to take a shortcut through a familiar ally. I was halfway down the ally when a voice behind me said.

"Well well, what do we have here?"

I spun around, and caught sight of three large male shadows walking up the ally, i turned to run, only to find my path blocked by three more more men, i started to panic, especially when one of them smiled nastily at me revealing long white canines, SHIT, the one who had smiled at me walked right up to me then circled around, examining me, he stopped right in front of me.

"You're going to taste really good" he said and his voice was just as evil as his smile, he reached out and touched the side of my face "don't worry pretty, this will only hurt for about five minutes and then you will be dead" my heart sped up as five more sets of hands found a place on my body, i was picked up off my feet and laid on my back, i started to struggle as they bent their heads towards my body and one laughed with sadistic excitement, I felt a sharp pain at six different points of my body and... An wild inhuman roar of outrage split the night air causing all six of my attackers to look up then duck for cover just as a huge form landed in a crouch over my prone body, I was quickly hooked off the floor and backed into a corner, he took up a defensive crouch in front of me facing the other six who spread out in a fan formation, they hesitated for a moment then attacked and a vicious fight ensued. actually it was more of a slaughter, my defender displaying such brutal violence that my attackers didn't stand a chance, even to my weak human eyes he was a thing of beauty, his moves, some kind of martial arts hybrid, were quick and lethal, the kicks and punches flying out with perfect aim and force, he wore an ankle length trench coat that flared out behind him, and he radiated a pure undiluted fury and aggression that made me take cover and i wasn't even on the receiving end of it. when one attacker almost got through to me, the male spun around and caught him by the hair, dragging the desperately struggling male to him like he didn't weigh anything, he bit him in the back of the neck with a horrible snap and the attacker slumped lifeless, the male dropped him at his feet and just like that the fight was over, all six of my attackers lay brutally slaughtered under the moon, the male just stood there for a moment breathing, then he turned towards me and my mouth dropped open in amazement, it was Jasper! but he looked very different, his hair was short now revealing the tattoos at his temple clearly, and he was thinner and paler, his face was harsh, completely devoid of any life,love, sympathy, or compassion. He was as he had said he would be, dead, his eyes were just as brutal as the rest of him and so was his voice when he spoke....

Jasper looked me right in the eye, as if to warn me not to interrupt,then started his story,

"The year is 1700, two upper aristocrats are mated, the female Eaolena, of warrior blood on her fathers side, the male Zarsan a pure blooded warrior, of the highest class, it is considered a promising match. nine years later Eaolena goes through her needing period, a one to three, day cycle of fertility, in which the female can become pregnant, accompanied by intense sexual cravings that cause actual pain unless she has a male to relieve them, sex is the only way to relieve the pain, this is the only time a female of my species can become pregnant, it hits about every ten years, between those times she is completely infertile"

My eyebrows went up in amazement at this, he gave me another look and continued.

"Eaolena becomes pregnant and the aristocracy celebrates in joy. One year later a baby boy is born (me) and given the warriors name Zsadist, spelled Z.S.A.D.I.S.T. the style of name is given only to the purest blooded warriors and is considered a great honer, the year? 1710.

i grow slowly and well, but i am flawed, despite my pure blood i have mismatched eyes, one green the other blue, everybody prayes the transition will fix it..."

"wait" i say "what is the transition?"

Jasper roles his silver eyes in exasperation and i wonder why he now has silver eyes,

"the transition" he explains "is the critical time in a vampires life when they literally transform into an adult, happening somewhere in the mid thirties, until then they are physically small, weak, androgynous, and sexually unaware and unresponsive,can i continue now?"

i nod and he goes on.

"Unfortunately the transition does not fix the problem and the aristocracy is faced with a dilemma, as a pure blooded vampire warrior i am a valuable asset in the war against renegades, on the other hand i have mismatched eyes, which in the aristocracy is not acceptable and is seen as a weakness, a fault in the blood like madness, they would have kicked me out of the society immediately if not for my skill in combat, in class I was the best at everything. They ended up compromising, i was relegated to a lower class barely higher then a civilian, nothing more then a common soldier, and i would never be mated to a female of worth.

Over several years of being thus shunned i began to act badly, i started to sleep with females that were mated (an atrocious crime) i drank, i smoked, and did drugs of any sort i could get my hands on, i picked fights and usually won, beating the crap out of good soldiers, and warriors, putting them on their backs for days on end, for years i acted thus, getting ceremoniously whipped frequently for punishment, it had no effect on me what so ever, in fact it exacerbated the problem because i quickly learned to appreciate the pain and eventually even like it, then one night i got caught fucking a young newly transitioned female in other words a virgin, of the aristocracy, this time as punishment they made me carry the marks of the beating for life by sealing the wounds with salt" Jasper touched his shoulder as he spoke as if to remind me of the scars on his back,

"This worked for about ten years, because i was so ashamed of this flaw, no female of my species likes scars and very few of them can accept them, none in the upper class at all, i knew this well and didn't even try, i was also so scared of them repeating this punishment that i stopped all my other bad habits, for ten years i was scared into obedience and discipline, then five years ago i loosened up and had decided to have a drink, i ended up drunk off my ass, completely shwasted, when i got back to my bunker, a superior officer of my own age was there, i had long ago gotten off on the wrong foot with him, when i beat him at everything during practice, now he enjoyed pocking at me and having me unable to retaliate even verbally, he ended up dead, he tried poking at my flawed appearance and i simply snapped, almost three hundred years worth of teasing, insults, and being shunned by even my parent for something that wasn't even my fault, exploded out of me the alcohol making me forget about everything but taking him down, the sound of the fight brought everybody within about three miles crashing down on me at once, i was found guilty of unintentional murder of a superior officer, for which the punishment is to be whipped, marked, stripped of my warrior name and expelled from society, only the fact that i had been under the influence saved me from death, i was whipped and salt once again put on the wounds permanently marring the skin, and ruining my back, the tattoos were forcibly done to warn others of my nature, fate, and the consequences of any who help me, then i was stripped of my name and cast out with only the cloths on my back.

I have been traveling ever since, and not once have i dared to return home or contact any members of my species, stopping to work for money every now and again, moving on as soon as i have enough to continue on my way, i invented myself a name and age and story, so if anybody ever asked i could tell them a believable tale, then i met you and everything changed"

Jasper stopped and took a sip of the wine, looking down at the floor, not meeting my eyes, i hated when he did that,

"Jasper?" i asked "why is it you always avert your eyes when you talk?"

He looked at me and said "i just confessed to a murder, that doesn't bother you?"

I thought about that and was surprised to find that it did not in fact bother me, not even a little , in fact it made me feel safer.

"no" i answered, " it makes me feel safe"

he looked at me like i was insane, something i was beginning to wonder myself, it WAS a bit odd, but then on the other hand it made perfect sense it meant he could kill to protect, and was comfortable with it,.

"Listen Jasper" i said quickly "i feel safe with you, like i don't have to worry about anything, that's what my intuition tells me and it's never wrong, what would you do if i was in danger?"

I waited for his response my heart pounding, i wished i could slow it down,no doubt he could hear it perfectly, it didn't have to wait long all of a sudden he leaned across the table and taking my face between is palms he kissed me passionately, when he pulled back his face was hard, severe and protective. his eyes flashed warningly as he said.

"I would annihilate anything that so much as threatened your cat let alone you"

OK i though, that was a bit over kill, but i didn't say that, instead i said

"i do have a cat, but that is my point, you would do anything for me wouldn't you?"

"yes" he answered simply.

"i thought so" i said to myself "but why?" i asked"

"good question" he whispered to himself then said a bit louder "i just feel this overwhelming urge to protect and defend you, and to guard you against other males..." he stopped suddenly with a stricken look on his face, he got up and started pacing through the room back and forth and getting faster each time he doubled back until he suddenly stopped and looked at me in wonder and fear "could it be possible" he whispered to himself again, then he lifted one arm up and smelled it, he groaned and tilted his head toward the ceiling with his eyes closed, "SHIT" he spat out and resumed his pacing.

"Jasper" i said "a little info here please"

he came and sat down again, and took a deep breath, then said.

"i left out a part of vampire behavior"

"that being?" i asked impatiently.

"the bonding process" he answered with a wry smile.

"what is the bonding process?" i asked starting to get annoyed with his short answers.

"bonding" he said "is what happens when a vampire male falls in love with his mate"

"so" i asked uncomprehending.

"so" he said "bonding is completely unintentional, irreversible, and about a thousand times stronger then human love, it is characterized by the undeniable urge to protect the female from even the most mild harm, and the violent impulse to murder any males who try to court the females, or even look at them for that matter" he looked at me pointedly....

Jasper turned back toward me and examined my face for a slit second, then he smiled at me "i will return when the sun goes down, if you so please" he said, his voice laced with amusement, all i could do was nod my head in assent, his smile widened "ok then" he said and just like that he was gone, vanished into thin air, i ran to the door and looked out in amazement, yup he was gone all right, just disappeared without a trace, well, not completely without a trace, i looked down at my thighs seeing the blood,cum, and bruises, that were clear evidence of his existence, i sighed and said aloud "THIS is going to be a very long day" i turned and walked into the house, shaking my head, i took a quick shower and dressed for work, but when i walked out into the living room i caught sight of the magazines splayed all over the floor, i walked over and righted the table, then going down on one knee, i gathered them up and put them back in their proper place, i stood up and examined the scene, i frowned there were buttons all over the place, i went into the kitchen and got the broom out of the closet, going back i swept up all the buttons i could find, dumping them on the kitchen counter, i just stood there looking at them for a moment, remembering the manner in which they had been removed, i felt my body heat as i got all caught up in the memories of last night, i shook my head impatiently trying to clear it of the super distracting thoughts, i started to charge out of the house but stopped when i got to the door, i couldn't lock it, he had seriously damaged it the night before when he kicked it open... my thoughts trailed off again, thinking of the way he had touched me and the way he had... i kicked the door frame in frustration, this was not only going to be a long day, but also a very hard day, just how was i supposed to work in this condition? and what should i do about my door? i stood there chewing on my nails while i wrestled with my thoughts and got nowhere, finely i just turned away and walked to my car leaving the door as it was, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest when i saw a bit of paper under the windshield wiper, i leaned over and pulled it out, drive safely leelan... for me? that was all it said i snorted and got in the car.



The day was just as long and hard as i had predicted, it was impossible to concentrate, every few minutes my thoughts wandered to my night with Jasper, and they never ceased to make me breathless and hot, anticipation for the evening made me a train wreck, and not even for the sex, but just for his company, that thought bothered me to no end, but i also couldn't deny it.

by the time i got home i was in a horrible state, i had run out of the office at a dead run, causing my co workers to laugh at me because i tripped several times, i walked into the house and looked around at the rooms, then over my shoulder at the sun, it had a way to go still, two or three hours at least, i sighed and went to the bedroom, i took my cloths off and took a bath, unable to stand being still i got out and checked the suns progress again, it didn't seem to have gone anywhere at all, frustrated i yanked on a long slip and went out to the kitchen to prepare my dinner, as always i made extra so that i had a few days worth of meals, i got so caught up in what i was doing that i didn't even notice the sun sinking down beneath the horizon until midway through the preparations, when a thick arm slipped around my waist, i jumped in fright, knocking over a plate which shattered on the floor, "good evening, leelan" Jasper's voice was low and deeply amused, i sagged against him as the fear faded, leaving me drained of strength, he swept me up in his arms and lifted me onto the counter facing him, he took my face in both hands and looked at me for a long while, i kept my eyes averted, after a long time he whispered "look at me, leelan" i looked up and met his eyes, "i am very sorry i scared you so badly... i won't do it again, i promise" i searched his eyes for some kind of joke or amusement, there was none, not even a trace, "i forgive you" i whispered shakily, he stroked my cheek for a minute then leaned in and kissed me tenderly, my body heated instantly, like he had turned a switch on, "you shouldn't forgive me so easily" he whispered against my mouth, "you should really stay mad at me for a while" i pulled back and looked at him confused, "why?" i ask, "most females would... it's in their nature" he explained, laughing and running his hand through his gorgeous hair, pulling it back from his forehead, i caught a brief look at his temples, which, until then had been hidden by the long hair, my mouth dropped open in shock, and he dropped his hand, stepping back quickly, and averting his eyes from mine, "wait come back" i said hopping off the counter, he backed away from me, hands held up in front of him, as if to hold me off, i kept going forward, pursuing him across the kitchen, i cornered him between the refrigerator and the wall, backing him into the corner, "can i see?...please" i asked gently, he looked at me, body tense, face harsh, hands still raised to ward me off, i reached up slowly and touched the underside of his jaw, softly stroking the hard line, we stayed that way for an instant that lasted an eternity, and just when i was about to back off and apologize, he dropped his hands and lowered his head for me, i reached up slowly and brushed his hair back from his left temple, revealing a dense intricate tattoo, it looked like some kind of foreign language, almost Asian but not quite, the shapes didn't look right, i guessed that it was his native language and going by the tension in his body and the fact that he was still not looking at me, that they were some kind of warning or something along those lines, "what do these mean?" i whispered gently, he looked at me then and i knew i was right, his eyes were filled with such a deep shame that i could actually feel it, "they're a warning" he answered with brutal honesty, "they say that i am an exile, to be treated like an animal, that i have been banished from society, stripped of my status and true name, and cast out, that any of my kind who help me will be hunted down and destroyed" horror washed through me as he spoke and i couldn't help take a shocked step back, the hurt in his eyes as i did, made me cringe internally, i took a deep breath and reached out and touched his shoulder, "i don't care that you have been banished from your society" i assured him "i was just shocked that they did that to you" he took my hand in his and placed it on his chest right over his heart, stepping forward so our bodies were pressed together, with his other hand he lifted my chin so he could see my eyes, "you really don't mind?" he asked and his voice sounded slightly choked, "i really don't" i said, he analyzed my answer for a long time as if he suspected me to be lying, i wasn't offended, after hearing what had been done to him who could? then he smiled and said "i think your dinner is burning, leelan" i wheeled around and raced across the kitchen in a panic, i grabbed the pot off the stove splashing sauce on the floor in my hast, i put it on the counter and turned to the drawer where i kept the rags, only to find it open and him kneeling on the floor already cleaning the mess up, "how did you know where the rags were?" i demanded, feeling like an idiot, "scent" he answered simply, i turned away shaking my head, i heard the rag get thrown into the sink and he came and stood right behind me so that our bodies touched and he was looking over my shoulder, "that smells really good" he commented out of the blue, i looked over my shoulder at him in surprise, "do you eat?" i asked, he looked back at me like i was insane "no" he said sarcastically "i got this big on blood alone" "would you like some spaghetti, Jasper?" i asked him, a disguised form of apology, he smiled like he knew what i was doing, "yes leelan, i would love some" "you don't even know if i make good food" i accused him severely, "anything you make, i will love" he answered the smile gone, voice intense, "fine" i said and turned away from him, "go site down so i can serve" i heard him laugh, and risked a peek over my shoulder, he was sitting at the table, JESUS,i hadn't even heard him move, i walked over and set the pot down on the table i sat down and served first him then me, he lifted his fork and stabbed it into the noddles, twirled it around until he had a nice sized clump and lifted it to his mouth, i realized i was watching him with my mouth hanging open, i quickly looked down and tried to focus on my food, with little success, he chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and said "it's good, but it's missing something" "what?" i asked with mock outrage, "a complementary wine" he answered with a grin, he put another forkful in his mouth just as i said "the wine is in the cabinet over the sink" he stopped chewing and looked at me shrewdly then swallowed and said sharply "you're not twenty-one" "how do you know that?" i asked stunned, he gave me a nasty grin, "i can tell a lot of things about you by your scent" "like what?" i pressed, he deliberately chewed another mouthful, super slowly, "i could tell that you were a virgin last night, i can tell that you're nineteen, that you're in prime physical condition, and that you're afraid of me right now" i slumped down weakly in my chair "your senses are that sharp?" i breathed, "yes" he said while getting up, he strode into the kitchen and reached up and retrieved the wine, he came back and sat down again "anything else you wanna know" he asked with amusement, "why were you exiled" i asked, he looked up at me, "why do you want to know?" he asked warily, i shrugged and said "just wondering, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" "no" he whispered "you have a right to know" he straightened up in his chair and looked at me sharply, "the first thing you should know, is that this is really complicated" he warned "you don't know how our...excuse me, their society works, therefor you wont be able to fully understand it" he paused and poured some wine into glass, downing it in one go, he poured another and i noticed that his hand trembled slightly, he wiped his mouth on a towel, and leaned back in his chair to tell his story...