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I Dont Know What To Do I Feel SO Alone I Have My Fiance But Still The Treatment Is Tough But *** SIGHS*** I CAnt Evenm Describe What Im Going Through Its So Fucken Hard My Body Was So Accustomed To pain In The Past And Now I feel So Weak And Worthless A Twisting Spine That Reminds Me How They Slowly Break Me Sown TO Help My Worthless Existence To Continue... For What So That I Can Be A Fucken Burden To all Those Around Me That Day By DAy They Can Rumb It In My Fucken Face "U LIVE BECAUSE WE WANTED YOU TO" I Feel Like Tearing The Artifiical Veins That Keep Me Alive That Help to Breath That Fed The Life Upon Me To RUn As Far Away As Possible And Never To Return In Solitude I Rest Cornering Myself Ffrom The World ANd Those Around Me Struggling Each DAy Becoming An Addict To Not Feeling A Thing To Go Insane TO Remain Awake For Hours But CAnCOntinue To How ThEY SAy "BITCH ABOUT MY PROBLEMS" I CAn GO On And On Butr Whats The Fucken Point Everyone Says The Same Fucken Thing WE UNDERSTAND THE PAIN WERE HERE FOR YOU WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND I NEVER ASKED TO FUCKEN LIVE WHY SHOULD I CONTUINUE TO LIVE IF IM SUCH A FUCKEN PROBLEM WHY CONTINUE MY FUCKEN EXISTENCE??????

I ASKED PRODUCTOFLUST TO MARRY ME AT EXACTLY 12:00AM OF DECEMBER 23,2007 AND SHE SAID YES SHE SAID YES

First Hello There To Those Who Dont Know Me Im In Need Of Assistance Mentallt For I Have Fallen Once Again With My Disease And Well Words That Let Me Know Someone Cares Can Go So Far And Help me Clear My Head For My Pain Has No End Let me Explain: My Lukemia (Blood Cancer) Has Come Back Stronger This Time I Was Diagnosed August 2006 With And Went Through Treatment And Stoped For It ot To Painful And I grew Careless And Yes I KNow Its My Fault But One Of The Reasons I Stoped Was Because i Felt So Alone Even But Hopefully You kind Strangers Can Give A Helping Hand I Dot Ask For Much And Sometimes No Help At All But This Time I Will For I WaNT mY lIFE bACK And Well Alot Of Things Affect Me I dont Need OR WANT PITY I NEED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARES THAT THERES SOMEONE UNDER ALL THE PAIN......

I Can Say Many Things I Can Be A Statistic Be As Everyone Sees Me Or Thinks Of Me But Theres One Thing I Wont Deny And That I Can Never Stop Making Love Especially now That I Found My Lady_Lust Shes My Everything She Has Stuck To Me Like Dirt On Nails In Such A Litttle Time We Had Such A Strong Connection It Is Greater Than Anything And Its Not Just The Love Making I Dont Know What Is It About Her That I Cannot Be Withought Her And She Cant be Withought Me It Concerns Me For I Have Never Felt This Before I have Been Marked Cursed As Wretched from Birth And I dont Want To Loose Her She Is The Best thing That Has Ever Happened To Me And I Dont Plan On Letting Her Go I Want To Be With her Forever And Nothing More Since I HAve Her And Shes Had me Weve Been Inseperable I Love Her I Love Her I Love Her But On Another Note As Some Of You May Know I Am At C.H.O.C. (Childrens Hospital Of Orange County) I Know I Know I Am Not A Child but Since My Cancer Came Back This Is The Best Place To Get Treatment (Oh So The Doctors Say) But The Point Is That Her And I Cant seem To Keep Our Hands Off Each Other And Well Tonight We Seem To have Gone A Little To Far And Well We got Walked In On We Had About An Hour And Half And Well A Nurse Heard The Bed Squeak And Well She Told The Head Nuse And We Were Lectured And We Got Out Of It Point Being That We Have Decided To Resist Each Other As Long As Possible or At Least Keep AS Much Of Our Clothes On As Possible I Wonder How Long Before We Both Give In NOT LONG AND THIS I KNOW FOR A FACT......

To All Those Loyal Friends That Actually Care To Read What I Have To Say I Truly Apologies But As You May Know Or Have Hear I HAd Cancer (A.L.L.) LUKEMIA And Just recently I Relapse Its Been hard TO BE Here In The Hospitsl with all the machines medicines and doctors BUT ALL YOU LOYAL FRIENDS CAN DROP SOME LINES AND I WILL TRY TO RESPOND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT THANK YOU I TRULY APPRECIATE ALL THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO AT LEAST SAY HELLO IT MEANS ALOT TO ME AND WELL IM GOING TO TRY TO CONTINUE WRITING BOTH MUSIC AND POETRY BUT ITS KINDA HARD TO THINK WHEN YOU HAVE YOURE HEAD THROBING AND WELL IM SAD TO SAY I FOUND OUT IM AFRAID OF SMALL PLACES HA ME I FELT SO TRAPED LOST LIKE NO ONE WAS THERE......