The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

T-shirt of the Day...
00:48 Jun 29 2005
Times Read: 579

oh woe is me...
01:08 Jun 28 2005
Times Read: 584

So, here I sit all alone. It has been 24 hours since I saw my hubby. I dropped him off at the airport last night and we are all already missing him. His work sent him to Chicago for three days. So, the countdown has begun. I am just so thankful he had a safe flight and hopefully he will have yet another on his return to us.



Our son is a handful and even moreso when his daddy isn't here. He is so cute, but sad when he starts looking for him and then doesn't know what to do when he hears his voice on the phone. Today, was the first time he actually talked to his daddy on the phone. He doesn't say much that anyone can understand yet, but he sure gave it a try. Gotta love him.



Hurry home, honey. We miss you. We love you more than anything.

23:49 Jun 27 2005
Times Read: 587

Flag



Between the fields where the flag is planted, there are 9+ miles of flower fields that go all the way to the ocean. The flowers are grown by seed companies. It's a beautiful place, close to Vandenberg AFB.

Check out the dimensions of the flag. The 2002 Floral Flag is 740 feet long and 390 feet wide and maintains the proper Flag dimensions, as described in Executive Order #10834. This Flag is 6.65 acres and is the first Floral Flag to be planted with 5 pointed Stars, comprised of White Larkspur. Each Star is 24 feet in diameter; each Stripe is 30 feet wide. This Flag is estimated to contain more than 400,000 Larkspur plants, with 4-5 flower stems each, for a total of more than 2 million flowers. You can drive by this flag on V Street south of Ocean Ave. in Lompoc, CA.







Aerial photo courtesy of Bill Morson Soldiers' Prayer



For our soldiers.

T-shirt of the Day.
18:57 Jun 27 2005
Times Read: 590

This tee is just wrong!! I do not condone battering women, so I hope that no one gets offended. It is meant to be a joke, people. Relax.

Hot day in the old town today...lol
05:30 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 593

Today was one of the hottest days this season here. I think the temperature reached a high of 103 with very high humidity. So, when I was told I could go home early today since I worked late the other day, I jumped at the chance to get in out of the heat. I picked up my youngest son early from the babysitter. He is almost 21 months old.



I had this plan to just take him home and break in his new wading pool. It was so cute to see him splashing around in his very own pool for the first time. He was scared at first and each time the cold water hit his back or chest, he gasped. I could not resist but join him. I slipped off my work shoes and socks and got in with him and he got me soaked with the hose and the splashing.



I had a really bad luck kind of day today, but that made up for it on so many levels. He really enjoyed it and he cheered me up at the same time. Got to love kids!!

house for sale...
05:23 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 594

Okay. Enough is enough. We were looking at buying a bigger house and the guy said he was interested in buying the one we are in now, but he seems less interested now that we are nearing the date of closing. So, I am taking a stab in the dark, here. If there is anyone interested in buying a house in the St. Louis County area, please message me. Only serious inquires, please. We cannot afford two mortgages and that is what we are facing in the very near future. I will provide any interested parties the entire details and the location upon request. I am NOT wanting to make any profit on this house. It is already worth more than what I am asking. Thank you and have a great day.

funny shirt of the day...
03:27 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 595

today's funny shirt...
18:54 Jun 23 2005
Times Read: 597

I know a few people who should wear this one. lol

funny t-shirt of the day
01:34 Jun 22 2005
Times Read: 602

Here is another funny t-shirt....

Funny shirt of the day...
22:49 Jun 19 2005
Times Read: 604

things that make me feel old...
21:58 Jun 19 2005
Times Read: 606






Subject: 1975 vs. 2005











1975: Long hair

2005: Longing for hair







1975: KEG

2005: EKG







1975: Acid rock

2005: Acid reflux







1975: Moving to California because it's cool

2005: Moving to California because it's warm







1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor







1975: Seeds and stems

2005: Roughage







1975: Hoping for a BMW

2005: Hoping for a BM







1975: The Grateful Dead

2005: Dr. Kevorkian







1975: Going to a new, hip joint

2005: Receiving a new hip joint







1975: Rolling Stones

2005: Kidney Stones







1975: Being called into the principal's office

2005: Calling the principal's office







1975: Screw the system

2005: Upgrade the system







1975: Disco

2005: Costco







1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved







1975: Passing the drivers' test

2005: Passing the vision test







1975: Whatever

2005: Depends











Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things: The people who started college this fall across the nation were born in 1986.







They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.







Their lifetime has always included AIDS.







Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.







The CD was introduced the year they were born.







They have always had an answering machine.







They have always had cable.







They cannot fathom not having a remote control.







Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.







Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.







They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.







They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.







They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.







They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd ! walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane". They do not care who shot J. R. and don't even have any idea who J. R. is.







McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers







They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.







Do you feel old yet? Notice the larger type? That's for those of you who have trouble reading...

Good Bye 37!!!
04:44 Jun 19 2005
Times Read: 609

What a crappy year it has been. Sure it had it's good points. Afterall, in the past year I found this site and made some friends and met a bunch of very interesting people. But, this whole hockey thing happened from last June and just keeps getting worse. As I have written in the previous entry.



I won't reflect on all the things that have occurred to me and my family over the last 12 months, because it would take too long and besides I cannot remember every detail. But, I would just like to say that I hope that 38 will be a better age than 37 has been.



So, good riddance 37 and welcome 38.

happy birthday to me.

Wallmart Heirs Suck!!!!
04:44 Jun 19 2005
Times Read: 610

Please don't sell my blues to an outsider!!!













The heirs to the Walmart fortune have recently decided to sell my favorite sport team. It wasn't bad enough that we had no NHL hockey this past season, and now they are putting my team up for sale. I hope to win the powerball or inherit a ton of cash so that I can buy them and keep them here in my town.



It is no secret that I am a hockey fan, so anyone who is a fan of any sport can sympathize. I just wish there was something I could do. I am so worried that some rich business tycoon will buy up the team and move them out of our city.



On top of that, they are also selling the naming rights to the arena that hosts the Blues. Savvis is reniging on there contract too. What is going on here is giving me the impression that hockey is not going to continue or that they no longer care if we have hockey in this city anymore.



I swore that I would use this journal for all happy things, funny things and positive things.

But, when it comes to hockey I have decided to make an exception. I will be very depressed if the team moves away. That would be complete and utter devastation.



If anyone that is reading this has any ideas on what a person who is the die hard fan that I am can do to save the team short of handcuffing myself to one or more of the players, please send me a message. I will be open to any suggestions including the ridiculous ones that would at least help me forget to worry so much.

funny websites for those who need a good laugh.
23:37 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 612

http://ehowa.com/home.shtml



http://www.jibjab.com/matzah/matzah.htm



http://ebaumsworld.com



http://joecartoon.atomfilms.com/pages/home/

Foamy
22:34 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 615












Neurotically Yours: Episode # 005: Foamy Thoughts



(Germaine is typing intently on her laptop in a chair with a skull attached to it’s upper regions. Foamy Appears from nowhere)



Foamy:

What you doing? Are you writing poetry again? You know that dark stuff where the people are dieing, and everybody’s dieing. You’re always writing about death I think you have a weird fascination with death.



I think you drink too much coffee, you have any coffee? I’d like some coffee. How come you never do any poetry on squirrels? It’s always about you. It’s always about you and how your life is so bad and everything. And this suck, and that sucks and things bothering you.



And how come your hair is so purple? How did you get it to be purple? And why did you get everything pierced? Why are you ears all pierced? Does that… Does that nose ring hurt? Did it hurt, did they stab you with something with the thing that goes… chachoom! And then all of a sudden you’ve got a nose ring, does that make you sneeze? Does it tickle your nose? Does it tickle your nose? I need to know these things.



I still think your hair is too purple. How does it make it purple? What if I dyed my hair purple? Could I be a purple squirrel? Would I just walk around and be purple? Would I be a gothic purple squirrel?



What happened to your parents?

(Germaine looks up and the scene cuts to a closed door and screams can be heard)



So what are you writing about now? Is this about how all the whole world sucks except you, but everybody else sucks because they suck? Is that what you’re writing about… what’s going on over there?



What’s wrong with your brain? How come you got your nose pierced?.. Did I ask that? I think I did. Are we gonna get something to eat? Do you have any coffee left? Why do you keep writing?



Do you have any nuts?



(Germaine starts staring at Foamy)



Foamy:

Why are you looking at me? It’s a legitimate question… Do you have any nuts?



(Foamy peers at laptop screen)

Foamy:

Ohhh I see right! Never mind.



(END)

________________________________



Copyright: Jonathan Ian Mathers: 2004.

www.illwillpress.com

For all the confused men out there...
22:31 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 616

Decoding the Words WOMEN Use







FINE .... This is the word women use to end an argument when they

are right

and you need to shut up.





FIVE MINUTES .... If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is

only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch

the game before helping



around the house.





NOTHING .... This is the calm before the storm. This means

"something," and you

should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end

in "Fine"







GO AHEAD .... This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.







LOUD SIGH .... This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal

statement often

misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot

and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with

you

over "Nothing"





THAT'S OKAY .... This is one of the most dangerous statements that a

woman can make

to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard

before

deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.





THANKS .... A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint.

Just say you're welcome.



Oh, and before we forget ...







"Whatever"



...it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

And the Idiot of the year award goes to.....
22:25 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 618

It takes all kinds of people in this world. All I can say is don't try this one at home. lol



















Ouch!! What an idiot!

cat bathing technique
01:48 Jun 10 2005
Times Read: 628

How to bathe your kitty



1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.



2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.



3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.



4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.



5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power- wash" and rinse".



6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.



7.! Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.



8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.



9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.



Sincerely,



The Dog

now here is some lousy spelling...
19:17 Jun 08 2005
Times Read: 634

Deer Sir,



I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.



I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.



I4m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.



I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,



I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.



hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.





Sinseerly,



Peggy May Starlings





PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.







Employer's response:......





Dear Peggy May,



It's OK honey, we've got spell check

In Remembrance of my MOM...
23:58 Jun 06 2005
Times Read: 646

Today was another hard day to concentrate on tasks at hand. My mother died 12 years ago today and I hate this day. It is a reminder of one of the worst nightmares I have ever had to overcome. I miss her terribly. She never got a chance to meet my youngest son and the oldest was so small when she died he barely remembers her.



I have to believe that she is still with us in our hearts and in spirit. I hope she is proud of me and all that I have accomplished in such a short amount of time.



This day every year depresses me much like the major holidays we shared together even after I was on my own.



My mom was a very caring, kind, sweet woman who was totally unselfish and cared little about her own needs until ours were met. She made our house a home and loved each of her children with the kind of unconditional love some only dream of having from their parents. She was very strict and kept us in the dark on political issues and violence for most all of our childhood. She even kept us in the dark about her illness until it was time to put her in a home. She suffered a great deal early in her marriage and had struggled through adulthood trying to raise 3 kids all alone. We never had much while growing up and she had even less.



I didn't even begin to appreciate her until I was a mother myself. It is a shame to lose someone you so love and just finally start to get to know when they leave and leave you with many unanswered questions.



I write this in memory of her. I could write so much more about the woman I called mom, but I think for now this is enough. I will remember her always in my heart and share these memories with her grandchildren.

Ladies vs Real Women....
23:44 Jun 06 2005
Times Read: 647

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice

cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.



Real Women - Leftover wine?? Hello!!





************************************************************



Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it

on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.



Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You

might still have the headache, but who the hell cares!







*************************************************************

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone

to prevent ice cream drips.



Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,

for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch,

with your feet up anyway.







*************************************************************

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag

with the potatoes.



Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry

about the potatoes growing arms and legs.





*************************************************************

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a

bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white powdery

mess on the bottom of the cake.



Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the son of a

bitch for you.





*************************************************************

Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to

yield a beautiful glossy finish.



Real Women - Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include

brushing egg whites, so don't do it.





*************************************************************

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex

dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening

jars easy.



Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.





*************************************************************

And finally the most important tip....



*************************************************************



A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....... but, a true

friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn... that was fun!!





This is another little funny anectdote I got from a dear friend of mine. Enjoy.

Things to Ponder....
01:00 Jun 02 2005
Times Read: 650

PONDERISMS



I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people

die of natural causes.



Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are

removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes

out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.



The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

replacement.



Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.



Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you

still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.



Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying

of nothing.



Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks

about seeing UFOs like they used to?



Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.



All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

criticism.



In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is

weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.



How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a

whole box to start a campfire?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're

both dogs!



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same

tune?



Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at

you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the

window?



Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address in the first

place?





Just something a dear friend forwarded to me that made me chuckle. I hope those of you who do read this journal entry will enjoy.



toodles