The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

january 28,2005



just recently someone close let me know just how much they trust in me and my judgment and for on lasting moment i realized that i want to spend the rest of my life with this person and i pray that it works out between us

these past few weeks my life has changed i have been seeing this in a new perspective as though everything has change i have noticed all of these small mundain details but just from these detail i have been able to tell so much what does it all mean

January,5,2005



my life is so predictable. the only thing tht changes is the time and the people around me. the past few weeks the voices have been getting louder and louder almost to the point tht thet are screaming. causeing my head to split the only good thing in my life currently if sam and my friends. if it wernt for her i would hve lost my sanity long ago. but the constant feel of guilt has been creeping over me but i dont know what there is to be guilty of. i have done nothing that i should be guilty of but yet the guilt overwhelms me. but the good news is the nightmares have stoped. i have not had one in about a month. but the dreams are incoherent and ununderstandable even one as skilled as myself can not dis assemble the meaning of such dreams i fear i may be losing my ability to mediate. such constant confusion and inability to focus is bafaling to me. it concers me and even worse the feeling of pain is increasing every time i am happy i have a suden down fall and the pain worsens i feel my condision is worse-ning. also the paranoya is extremly overactive normaly it is rather passive but i have noticed i am hearing things much moreclearly and i am able to sence peoples moods. and i feel cold constantly. i am worried tht this is just a small part of waht is to come but i shall not fear it.i will deal with it one phase at a time